Hi Joey:  wow, you've been through a lot, but guess what?  When you're down, the only thing left is going up! So I'm hoping you will follow this program, step by step, day by day.  This anxiety didn't start overnight; probably a build up of many events which caused much stress and so recovery is gradual. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Please hang in there, don't give up.

A little tip which sometimes helped me at work.  When the first symptoms of panic began, I went into the ladie's room and let cold water run over my inside wrists, where the pulse can be felt.  It's a good distraction and I told myself this was a safe place for me to "cool down", take some deep breaths, comb my hair, take care of myself for a few minutes.  Even drinking a glass of water helps distract from the uncomfortable symptoms. 

I'm saying a prayer for you.

Well it finally happened.  I was at the hospital nearly everyday.  I feel so alone.  No one really seems to care.  I ask people for help even though I know I can only help myself.  I go to the hospital because I feel safe there and so that noone will have to deal with me.  My aunts and uncle work there.  I lost my job nearly two weeks ago.  I worked at Dodge. I got another job working accross the street at Ford.  I stopped going because they were having me drive out of town and I can barely drive here in town near the hospital.  I find myself digging myself deeper and deeper.  I'm trying to get a job at the Chevrolet dealership now which is right next door to the hospital.  Lately I don't even want to go home.  Today though, ..... today was a bad day.  I was at the hospital waiting for my girlfriend to finish work (she's a nurse).  My grandma has been worried of how my condition is getting worse and worse.  (I have also been out of xanax and paxil for 2 weeks and my blood-pressure has been high.... diostol like 120)  My grandma has had panic attacks all her life and she wants to help me. So she calls this man, then she calls me that a man is going to call me, I say okay.  The man calls me and says he's with Regional Home Health and that he wants to help me, I say okay.  He asks about my condition so I tell him how I've been spending more and more time at the hospital and I lost my job etc....  I tell him how I can't go anywhere.  So he says that there might be somebody in the hospital with human resources that might be able to help me, he says let call her and i'll call you back I say okay.  He says that I might be able to qualify for medicaid or something because I told him that I'd been having trouble finding a doctor to see me because of lack of insurance.( my gf is worried about my blood-pressure) He calls me back and tells me that a Mellissa is going to call me and she might be able to help me I say okay and thank you.  Then I get a call from the hospital (it's Mellissa )  She proceeds to ask me how she can help me.  She says she recieved a call from a Javier Rosales but, I guess he didn't explain anything to her so I go on about how I am etc....  She says okay let me talk to a Deena and I will call you back. I say okay. A few minutes later a police officer comes up to my window from behind.  He asks if everything is okay I say yes he ask what I'm doing there I tell him I live out of town and have not been feeling well and my gf suggested waiting there until she finished her rounds.  He asked if I'm a musician  and that he's a friend of my dad's.  I say oh okay nice to meet you.  A second man (head of hospital security) comes and says that they have been recieving calls about me and say oh okay he then asks me if I'm going to see the doctor in the emergency I say no I'm just waiting for my gf.  He then ask if I'm sick if I have a cold and I immediately know that it's in reference to a nyquil bottle in the car.  I say no not really.  He then says " because you know nyquil can make you drousy " i respond " I know I've been to nursing school" o okay so you know well i'd appreciate that if you have somewhere else to go that you go there.  i say o okay allright.  he walks away the the officer tells me to that Hastings says hi and they walk off. So now i'm like what do i do where do i go? I call my gf she's in the next town over I call my sister she's two or three towns over then she ran out of gas later on about 12 miles out of town.  So I'm like what just happened?  I go to a gas station accross the street and a lady from the car-wash next door recognizes me and tells me to get out of the sun and to go over.  So I stay there while my gf comes back into town.  My gf stops seeing patients which were two left and we go home leaving one car at Wal-Mart which we have to go and pick up in a while.  On out way home the girl Melissa calls her and ask "if the guy in the red challenger is her boyfrien etc... " Letty says yes and proceeds to explain to her about my anxiety and how bad it has become.  The girl goes well he's not allowed here at the hospital anymore unless it's to go to the emergency .... then she asks my gf if i take any medication for it  my gf says yes but that i had run out and my gf asks me which meds I was taking i tell her and she tells mellissa ....   my gf tells her that I've been this way for at least 5yrs. and it has gotten worse .... the Mellissa say's (knowing that I'm right next to my gf "and you are still with him?" (if my gf got cancer i wouldn't leave her) and gf looks at me and says well yeah  ... then she (mellissa) says  "but he's not the father of your son .... right?" GF "no"  Mellissa "oh well you dont have any attachments to him then"( you see everybody at the hospital knows my gf because she had been working there since she was 18yrs old.  and she is now 30yrs old.) so Mellissa knows who Letty is but,  I'm just taken by how insensitive some people can be ...  and working under the assumed name of our lord Jesus Christ (Christus Spohn).  she also told letty that she did call security,  It just made my day that much worse.  I'm sorry I'm not looking for self pity or anything I just needed to vent.  Oh and my dog died yesterday from a heat stroke.  Thanks for listening.

Joey,

 

I can totally relate to you about the hospital thing. I actually bought a new house and it ended up being closer to a hospital and I felt like I almost closed the deal because of that fact. I often change my driving route keeping in mind where the cities hospitals are and I hate leaving the city because hospitals become further away the farther you go. I too need to work on rerouting myself so I don't need hospitals nearby. The suggestion about only going halfway to the hospital sounds like a good start to coping with this.  

Hey!

 

I really think that you are strong even going to work!!

About your gf, it's so hard or someone who never experienced this kind of anxiety to understand it... did she read anything about it? I think it's very important that people around us do that, or they will just keep saying things like "put it togheter now" or "come on, cheeer up" and so on... wich is a horrible thing to hear when u have this problem...

 

Maybe you can try to break this habit of going to the hospital everyday after work, take it in small steps. Drive only half the way to the hospital and take your xanax (if necessery). After a while u might not have to drive close to he hospital at all but can go straight home. Try to make a new pattern, and slowly slip out of your old way of doing things. It doesnt have to be a huge step at the first time!

 

hang in there!

Joey,

 

Sorry to hear you are having a rough experience right now. Are you feeling any better since you last posted?

 

Are you able to be alone at work at all? Perhaps try taking a couple minutes to walk outside or even taking a break from your desk. Sometimes a change of environment can have a positive and immediate effect on our well-being. Also try using some positive self-talk with yourself. Encourage yourself to get through this as best you can and know that you are doing a successful job in your position. Take what you can from this attack and know that you will get through this.

 

You have mentioned a lot of stressors currently in your life. Although it may seem overwhelming to tackle all of these issues at once, it may be helpful to create small achievable goals for yourself. Creating a list for yourself of goals (both short and long-term) would also help ease any additional anxiety you may have.

 

It is great to hear that you are also seeking the support of a psychiatrist. Perhaps he or she may also have further suggestions on withdrawals and how to ween yourself off of xanax.

 

After your stressful day, don't forget to take some time for yourself tonight. Maybe taking the dogs for a walk or a nice night with your girlfriend would be a great way to unwind? Put today behind you and know that you can only conquer things one step at a time.

 

Be well Joey and stay close to the boards. Good luck!