Lately I have been doing well enugh. I am functionnal and am doing well. I have anxiety but it is at a manageable level. I have ben cutting down my meds.... And yet, I am kind of having trouble upkeeping the good habits that have gotten me here. It is like I donèt want to do the therapy work etc because I feel tired of always "dealing" with my life. I just want to live it... I intend to get back on track but then it seems I just donèt. I have upkept some of the more major componenets like walking at least 5 hours a week and cutting down on caffeine and such. I still keeep a journal.But still I have been kinda slacking off on the rest. Plus, although I have kept up to date in the more day to day activities of my studies I have let myself fall way behind on my other stuff like the papers and such. Now I have catching up to do and am feeling a bit anxious about it. Mostly I canèt seem to stop feeling ashamed about it like I have done something wrong. I also feel very disapointed in myself. And I keep being afraid others will be disappointed in me for it. It is at the point where i am afraid to go see my therapist tomorrow in case he gets too disappointed in me which is totally ridiculous, he doesnèt judge and is really great. I think I am so mad and dissapointed with myself that I canèt imagine that others wonèt be. Worse part is up to now my grades this semester have been good. But still I am behind and not looking forward to when it catches up to me. Anyway, I will go see my therapist tomorrow and discuss all this with him then hit the books and fix this! I guess the best thing I can do about this is do some thought challenging to get my head cleared up then get to work. Once everything is caught up, I will feel a whole lot better :) Thanks for letting me vent!
-Diva
