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Trying to stop...but can?t

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11223

Welcome JTAA,

Congrats on getting started. You will often hear the hardest part is recognizing that you have a problem and this is very true. The best thing you can do right now is inform yourself. The more information and resources you can gather the better off you will be. Read through the program here and do keyword search in the forums for discussions that pertain to you. Plan on posting here often.

How are you feeling today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Thanks to each of you for your response. I'm taking my first steps by being here. There's no denial - I fully recognize that I have a problem. My drinking started roughly a year ago when I went through a personal rough patch and it just never stopped...even after things were back "on track." My family has a history of alcoholism, my grandfather, father, and all of my father's siblings, two of whom died from it. That's not my way of excusing my behavior...rather it is an acknowledgement that I come from a rich history of people who can't get enough of the stuff...and I need to find a way to control it.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I fear that my drinking will worsen, that it'll have health implications.

It will definitely get worse, as we age, we manufacture less of what we do today and the craving gets harder. There has been countless examples in AA. People think after a long term of sober life they could sneak in a couple of drinks or they don't work the program so they get restless irritable and discontented, anxiety creeps in they can't sleep well and take medications like lunesta/ambien and get right back to drinking. And when they do, its multiple times worse than before. They spiral down right were they started. I lost 2 of my close relatives recently, all the organs shut down.

Please dont think I am scaring you into recovery, just stating the facts. There are some people who can do this on their own. Some can't. You hava to decide what to do.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 15

Hi JTAA,

I can relate to your situation. I too was regarded as successful in my career, I have a loving wife and a 5 month old daughter. I had a serious mental health break two years ago, which as I came to realized was related, primarily to alcohol. At that point I told everyone I knew that I had stopped drinking, thinking that by telling everyone I knew I would force my self to stop, well I didn't. It just drove me to drink alone. Three weeks ago I finally hit the breaking point with the lies, that I was telling to others and most of all to my self, and I came clean, I'll admit that though my wife suspected that I had been drinking, but had bought my lies. We as addicts are really good at lying.

Needless to say that is a really hard first step. But It allowed my to start to move forward with my recovery. I've spent the last two and a half weeks in an alcohol withdrawal management program. I'm both humbled and thankful of the support that I receive there, and most of all being able to share these things with people who are going through/have gone through the same things.

The important thing is that you are here and that's a big first step, but something that I've realized over the past three weeks is that we are responsible for our own recovery but, we don't have to do it alone. I hope that you will find some strength from this site and I would encourage you, like what Dave said to look for more help. AA, a day or residential addictions program, or one on one addictions counseling.

Wishing you luck in your recovery.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi JTAA,

Welcome to the site.

"On a typical day, I drink an entire fifth (750mL) of vodka. Yet no one knows I have a drinking problem...not even my wife....."

Really? No one knows? Not trying to be harsh JT but I think the only thing that is in high function maybe your denial. Drinking that much you are going to EMINATE alcohol. Perhaps you are successful with your job as in "high-functioning" but if you're never home or locked in your office then maybe the expectation is "Dad is always working" or "Dad is a workoholic". I can't imagine your wife wouldn't say anything if you saw polish off a full bottle of vodka over the course of a day. Are you suggesting you drink more on an a-typical day or less? You definitely need to stop and I think TS has made some excellent suggestions. I drank a lot too and I can remember vividly how bad I felt when I stopped for the first few days\ week. The good news is your body recovers fast and, if you are high-functioning now, I can only imagine what you could achieve without drinking. I totally agree with you and your concerns that things will worsen if you continue with that level of consumption. I can relate as I was consuming quite a bit when I peaked out and I might considered a "high-functioning" individual but, in most cases, you're functioning when your "high". At least you're honest about it :). I can tell you in all honesty you'll enjoy life a lot more if you move away from that lifestyle. Happy to help anyway in any way possible.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi JTAA and welcome,

You've certainly come to the right place for support. Maybe a little more information would be helpful. You don't mention how long you've been drinking a fifth a day but I'll assume you've been drinking heavily for some time. Before you attempt to quit, if that is your goal, I strongly urge you to see your doctor first. After the tests come back the doctor can assess what steps to take next. Because you drink a considerable amount of hard liquor daily, you will likely need medication when quitting to avoid life threatening withdrawal symptoms. Please do not attempt to quit without intervention.

BTW, it is likely that your colleagues and most certainly your wife are aware of your drinking. When an individual drinks a lot the odor will be noticeable on your skin as it escapes through your pores. It is kind of a sickly smell. You can also detect vodka on the breath unless you chew a lot of gum or mints. I had a boss who would put vodka in his coffee. He was also a heavy drinker and smoker. I could still detect the vodka on his breath but it was the smell of his body that was the giveaway. Do note that he was a very well groomed individual. Of course, you won't likely smell it on yourself since you've become accustomed to it. Further, since you're highly regarded and perform well, it is not likely that anyone would confront you with this.

You are obviously an intelligent individual and well aware of the many alcohol related diseases that you are potentially subjecting yourself to. Again, please see your doctor and know that we are here for you.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

On a typical day, I drink an entire fifth (750mL) of vodka.

If you are serious about changing this way of life you may want to visit a local AA meeting. There are millions of people who have recovered from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Hi all. I drink a lot. I'm what you'd call a high functioning alcoholic. On a typical day, I drink an entire fifth (750mL) of vodka. Yet no one knows I have a drinking problem...not even my wife. I'm highly regarded/successful in my field, and am able to maintain the facade that all is well. It isn't. I fear that my drinking will worsen, that it'll have health implications. I'm here because I know I need help...

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