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It could be the obsession of the mind. We are driven to drink because we have lost the ability to choose. You may read the chapter "More about alcoholism" in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to understand more about the 'queer mental twist' that precedes the first drink.
I have had only bad experiences from binge drinking this year. Since promising myself in June I would moderate and drastically reduce, I have had two major slip ups. On Saturday I got 'black out' and had a one night stand. This is particularly weight on me, because I'm in a very new and healthy relationship with an amazing person. While we haven't had the 'exclusive' talk, I know how upset I'd be if I knew he had done the same thing. I wonder if I did it to self-harm. I know that I am a good person worth of love, but I can't believe I jeopardized it because of alcohol. This year I have learned the practice of self-compassion and will forgive myself for this and learn from it, but for now it is difficult.
No one likes to be embarrassed; in fact, remembering a past embarrassment can elicit quite a pang of emotional discomfort even a long time after the actual event. Drinking heavily often leads to numerous embarrassing and guilt ridden moments. Sometimes it can take a long time to get over these moments and for some it can even have long lasting and serious life altering consequences (job loss, broken relationships, injury, etc.)
When deciding to change drinking behaviours these embarrassing memories can still linger as painful reminders of our past “problem”. It is important to come to terms with these moments and forgive ourselves. That was not you – it was the drunk you.
Please share your thoughts and experiences so we can help each other get over these memories. You don’t have to share details if uncomfortable but do share details in how it made you feel.
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