Hi Momstheword,
I am sorry you arn't feeling well. It sounds like a very frustrating situation; it doesn't sound like there is a lot of hope you are feeling right now either. We are here to listen and support you; you are not alone in this.
But please, please, enough with the guilt. I don't mean that in a harsh way; I will listen to you feel guilty as much as you would like to talk about it but it will not make anything better; it will actually make things worse. You are ill; would you feel guilty if you were bed ridden with a physical illness? Would you think another person is being "lame" if they were depressed?
I have read quite a bit from you (even from your past accounts) and I know you are doing the best you can and you are a good mom. YOU know you are a good mom so no more language like "lameness". This type of thinking is hurting you and making progress more difficult. Know you are doing the best you can, keep trying, keep trying to be positive, and start being easier on yourself. The guilt is partially due to the depression but this is the exact kind of cognitive distortion that needs to change.
So let's reframe, What is it like being the mom of a beautiful little kiddo and having to work as hard as you do to get well?
What makes you a good mom despite the depression?
What are you proud of?
What do you do for your daughter despite feeling tired all the time?
Ashley, Health Educator