Hi Diva,
Your kitty is soooo cute! Love his pretty colour, so handsome!
First of all, I think you should talk to your therapist about your thoughts. It is so important to do this. Right now is when you need the most support.
Guilt certainly can be a crippling emotion. It can make you feel bad for everything. But there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt occurs when you feel you did something wrong. Shame is when you feel inherently bad, like you cannot do anything right. Which emotion do you feel?
You also mention you feel like a failure. Where is this coming from? You are a very smart, articulate and caring woman. You have a loving husband and some great pets! People often feel like failures when they compare to others. But this can cause a lot of problems because when comparing to others we will always, always find someone who has a better this or is a better that. It is so hard to feel fulfilled when we are constantly comparing. Does this hit home at all? If so I think it would be great to start thinking about what fulfills you. If you were not comparing and if you did not feel shame or guilt then what would you want?
Keep posting. It is nice to hear from you regularly.
Ashley, Health Educator