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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Yeah I think you put mine into perspective too. Mom used the phrase to negate feelings or concerns rather than to promote growth, self-reliance and responsibility. She used it to undercut my self-esteem and my emotions. It definitely conjures up negative connotations in my mind, however; I can see how others could view it in a positive light. Thanks again - you all are so helpful and I appreciate that!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Thanks faryal

I think you put my rant into perspective

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi everyone,

Just as a point of interest, the definition of "phase" comes up as the following:

stage of development - a clearly distinguishable period or stage in a process, in the development of something, or in a sequence of events
pattern of behaviour - a period of time when a situation or particular pattern of behavior persists and is often annoying or worrying

For some of us, "phase" is a negative word because it negates feelings and concerns. For others, it is a positive word that signifies the end of a process. What is important is to realize that it is a process of development. Hopefully we can navigate our way through the process and achieve the outcome that we visualize............with help from each other.

Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

goofy,

did you ever think that your mother knew exactly what she was doing?

She was allowing you a period of time to grow and learn on your own within your family setting to fall back on in case of a catastrophie. Those are the true skills of adolecences we learn. Responsibility. Self-reliance. Strength. Okay, Mom could have said ... I understand your situation but as the adult in your life I also know this is an ideal learning experience and will allow to to sort the emotions and interpersonal dealings on your own....

and as a teen you would have PPPffffff!!!

And you learned that regardless how much your world tumbled around you at school because the cute one got away and dated the popular ones... your mom just could not care, you were to learn how to structure an essay and budget your pay. So "how was your day dear ?"

"fine, I passed the math quiz. The homeroom teacher is batty. And I need lunch money for Friday. PPPfff"

hey gang

as you can tell I like phase... it signals that something comes to an end, it changes. There is space for maturity and growth.

phase of the moon.

phases of life.

... oups a meeting is about to strat i gotta run...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Yeah this term 'phase' bothers me. Quantify phase. Will this pass like adolecance (with time) if so how much time!! That seems to be the underlying factor.

Is this a comfort term - it will come to an end.

For me it is like a volcano. Sometimes it expolodes and sometimes it just hangs around simmering waiting for the next explosion.

Like lava it effects all in its wake. Mainly my family who are right there when it explodes. I worry how they will survive it all and what scars it will leave on them and how do they cope and how long can they cope. What if they can't cope for as long as my 'phase' lasts. How much damage does my 'phase' cause.

My husband is very supportive (not sure how much he understands it cause i'm not sure how much I even understand it) but I feel so guilty for being so depressed cause he always gets the brunt of how I feel. I see the distress in his eyes when I am low and that makes me feel even worse. I just want to crawl in a dark hole of nothing and stay there until it passes.

I can't control this monster and I am scared my phase is eternal

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Rose I am sorry to hear about your son and his grandmother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sons during this time (and always). I know that you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself and be with your children.

Sincerely!!!!!!

The phase thing- geez, I always hated when my mom said "it's just a phase you are going through". She had to discredit any feelings I had, negate them, or ignore them. This is one of the methods she employed. My thoughts on phases - well, I just don't like that word. I'd prefer to refer to it as at this time in my life I feel depressed and it's okay to feel depressed and it's okay to do something about it! lol, says the same thing, just makes me feel better.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Rose,

I am so sorry to hear about your sons grandmother. How awful. Moreover, I can only imagine how awful it must feel to have your son in jail, and not in a treatment facility. It is, however, great that your son is going with you. Having some support always helps. You have a lot on your plate right now, but, I think it will get better. There are many therapies and techniques that can help. Have you signed up for the new version of the Depression Center? It is much easier to navigate through, and you might find some readings or exercises (such as the session on Grief) that may be a little helpful. Have you ever received professional help from a therapist? It's an option, something to think about.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Stay strong, and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

wellllll.........that seems to be my #1 problem among many. getting/keeping positive. today nothing is positive. i doubt the rest of the year will hold any positives. my son is in jail instead of a treatment facility and every night i drug myself so no nightmares about him getting beaten up or raped. his grandmother died last night and i have to tell him. my oldest son is crying and has agreed to go with me to the jail. he never went before, refused. death has a way of making you remember to live. a surgical accident, could happen to anyone at anytime. double depression, anyone? i have lots to spare.....or maybe triple depression because i was raised by a depressive mom/grandmother. i don't think there is any therapy that can help at this point, is there? just keep taking the lexapro and klonopin and get through these next few days without getting into any car accidents or making a spectacle of myself. life sucks and so does my attitude.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Rose,

there are several reasons depression may occur; it may be genetics and maladaptive behaviour as you mention, but some genetically predisposed individuals don't end up with depression. As Brenna suggests, with the proper attitude and know-how, you can change your maladapative behaviour into positive ones. What kind of strategies do you use to keep positive? Members, what do you find helps?

Karen, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

i have to disagree.....i don't think depression is a phase......it's a chemical imbalance w/all the accompaning maladaptive behaviors. i've been depressed my entire life. it's genetic and then becomes a pattern. i don't think phases last for 40 years!

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