Tonight I have a head ache and my BP was real high for a while. Took some extra pills to get it down and it is normal again. All I did today was water plants and fill out income tax.
I think I'll get a cup of tea and go to bed. Supposed to be very warm tomorrow.
It is supposed to freeze tonight. Greenhouses are still at 22C heater kicks in at around 10 C so it will be a while. A few mosquitoes are out, a frost will kill them. Not too frosty I hope since the hummingbirds are back. A few high clouds but otherwise clear so it probably will freeze. All the tilling with the tractor is done for now. I'll do it again just before I plant.
I have to take the tiller off before it goes to town. Hopefully there are no more delays, tires were supposed to be done ten days ago. Blood pressure is a little high tonight but nothing to worry about. Beta blocker will bring it down. God it is nice to be able to think straight, and logical. There was a time I would have panicked because it was above border line. It will come down. I put in a long day it should be up some since I'm tired now. I'm getting a lot of little things done that have been put off for years. There is a connection between stress and fatigue, just as there is one between pain and fatigue. Just a different kind of pain. And I feel good. So, take my beta blocker and water plants (not so many in the house now) then tea and a movie. Geese are noisy tonight, I hope a bear is not eating their eggs.
Oh my. Pink sun set. It is pretty, pink clouds. Life is good. Must remember to take calcium tonight.
I can drink coffee again. It is a good thing because it seems to be the only thing keeping me awake through the long days.
If you take out meals and breaks, I'm still working 8-10 hours which is a long time for someone my age in my condition. I'm not complaining but my body is :-) I got side tracked and finished tilling the bigger green house. I only meant to get some dirt to make potting soil. But the tiller was sitting there and I thought I'd just do a bit. Now if I was behind in transplanting I would never have done that. I am disciplined enough now. Things have to be done in some order. So I will transplant for a bit and then go to the store. Lunch is over, I'll just finish my coffee. The tubes didn't come with my tires for the tractor so now it goes Wednesday. Tomorrow I have to do income tax. Good thing it is simple.
Home is where the heart is. I imagine any place can be magical to the right person with the right attitude. It just seems easier here with the natural beauty. I have a large window in my bedroom so I can wake up to nature in large view. Mountains, ponds, ducks and the odd bear. I've seen so many different animals through that window. Moose feeding in the pond. A lynx hunting ducks unsuccessfully. A Heron eating all the fish.
To me it is special which makes all the work so much easier. I can't think of any place I'd rather be even if there are nicer places. And there are. Contentment came with CBT.
I'm transplanting plants to bigger pots so they will be big when they go out. I'm out of potting soil now and will have to make some more. I always wanted a small cement mixer to mix potting soil in. I use a lot of it. I'm planting the small green house also and will plant the bigger one when I finish tilling under all the manure I put in there. There will still be squash and flowers waiting for it to be frost free. As soon as the transplanting is done then the pruning starts. Some of that is just road appeal. Pride raising it's head. A lot more flowers this year. Some are edible even. Some definitely not even if they are pretty. Like monks hood.
Thank you for sharing these reflections Davit - I enjoy imagining your view, the farm and the natural beauty that surrounds you. Despite the constant work, it sure sounds like magical place.
Vincenza, Health Educator
And it is a good morning despite the fact I ran out of fuel in my garden in the tractor tilling last night. Bummer, but these things happen. The sun is out and it just poured last night so I won't have to water flower beds today. I will plant potatoes as soon as I can get a trencher built for the little tractor. I have all the pieces, I just need it welded together. I need to buy a new welder so I don't rely on people. My 35 year old welder is broke. It served me well though. I want to build a hiller too. This will free up some time to go fishing. And I intend to go fishing besides my friend insists. She bought the boat, I better find the time. Actually I just want to go explore with the boat. I never rest unless I force myself to.
Ducks are nesting in the pond behind the chicken house again. I never see the ducklings, they hatch out and go down stream to the river. Geese are nesting in the upper ponds and sometimes I see the goslings. It doesn't matter. They have a home, that matters. Yesterdays rain will get the trees leafing out. It will go green in a hurry. Before you know it it will be summer.
Well my coffee is done so it is off to town for fuel.
It is a lovely morning considering it is supposed to be raining. All my mornings are lovely. In my worst moments I used to dread the coming day with all the things I had to do. Such a simple thing this change of attitude from having to to wanting to. At first it was a lie I told myself because the old me thought the world revolved around having to. How could anyone actually want to do thing that were a chore. I never realized it was me making them a chore. Like I said it was attitude. The more the world weighed heavy on my shoulders the worse I got.
So I am here this morning pecking away while I have my coffee. The washer just quit so I have to get up soon and put it in the dryer. I can say "have to" now and have it mean something positive. Much closer to "want to". Laundry isn't a chore, it is how I get clean cloths to wear. Attitude again.
It really is a lovely morning. And I will enjoy this day even if it turns to rain, even if I need lots of Tylenol. Of course accomplishment is positive and I am accomplishing lots.
Five years ago I would not recognize who I am now. I wasted so many years with this anxiety disorder. And you know I could still if I let myself go back there. I could never go back. I'm enjoying this freedom too much. I "want to" see how much better I can get. Is this really getting by? Yes, but really what else is there if you look at it closely. Getting by is not a bad thing.
Victoria just said in her pushy voice coffee break is over. ( the voice in my computer that tells me things like what time it is)
I like being ahead of schedule. I won't slow down but it is nice having that edge. I can if I need to. Yesterday I pushed a bit harder than I should have, today I'm taking it a bit easier. Not much but I'm enjoying my coffee instead of letting it get cold. Now it is time to go stick some plants in the ground. And stick some in bigger pots since it is too cold to put anything outside of the green houses. Except for a few hardy plants most things don't go out till the last week of may. Good thing I am ahead of schedule. I need to hire some welding done. I'm building tools to fit a tractor to make life easier. Last year and the years before I just never had the time or the money.
Tim came over and finished the big green house. I can use it now. I will build a fire in the stove and see how well it heats. The stove is probably too big but I had it. As long as it goes most of the night it will be okay, electric heater will take over if it goes out. I just have to till a bit and I can start planting.
This is a really big load off my shoulders and a reduction in stress which I think I handled very well considering I had planned to have it finished a week ago. Quick lunch and back to work. I did get the trees sprayed before it got windy.
Clouding over now and may rain. I have some tractor work to fit in here somewhere.
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