JD,
I wish you describe the feelings before and after the push through.
I felt this on a small scale, with nausea before and relief after trying to draw a busy architectural diagram of the home, as I try to figure out if I can use a snowblower, while juggling feelings of grief and family tensions.
Some of the nausea is gone, but the beginning of the year is always full of this uncertainty pushing my buttons, until I "come out the other side".
But then we have to do it all over again.