I would like to hear more from members about their experiences with bipolar. My last psychiatrist (she moved, so I have to start all over again with a new one--the second time this has happened in six months!)asked me if I thought I was really bipolar--it seems to be the "in" diagnosis these days. She increased my Depakote so I guess she thought I was legit. I'm still wary, though, and partly because I don't necessarily fit the "standard" bipolar pattern.
I don't experience the intense highs of classic mania; rather, my mania, if that's what it is, manifests as intense irritability and sudden mood swings from depression to anger. When I was initially diagnosed, I was cycling every seven to ten days. The specific diagnosis, then, was Bipolar II, which includes depressive episodes and hypomania. Any other Bipolar II folks out there with similar symptoms?
I've also had to turn to a combination of drugs to treat the bipolar, the depression, and the anxiety, since no one drug covered them all. Does anyone else with bipolar have to take a cocktail of meds as well?
Wildcat,
You mention a couple of times in your post that you are a creative person. If you are interested in reading about the connection between bipolar and creativity you might check out a book called "Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament" by Kay Redfield Jamison. She also has another book entitled "The Unquiet Mind" which is a memoir dealing with bipolar illness.
One downside of the medication for bipolar (I've found) is that it saps creative energies. I am a writer, but ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar and went on medication I've lost that creative edge. I wouldn't want to go back to the way I was before the meds but I hope I can build up my interest in creative activites again by sheer will and discipline.
Thanks for your response!
I think I've heard of the book--it's by Patty or Pattie (I forget which) Duke.
One symptom of mine I forgot to mention that does fit with the more classic bipolar symptoms is a sense of elation. You mention feeling like you were in the center of the universe. I've had that feeling before--what can only be descibed as intense religious experiences. There are moments or experiences that I would prefer not to be cured of, which is one of the paradoxes of bipolar disorder. One reason it took so long to reach a diagnosis was because I only went to the doctor when I was depressed, not when I was hypomanic. That is, until the cycles increased in frequency and I found myself on a very fast roller coaster, I didn't mind some of the highs at all (except the irritability). I sure got a lot of work done!
AKC,
It sounds like you already have a plan--get notes from classmates, catch up on the reading. I would suggest you take your plan to each of your professors and tell them exactly what you are going to do.
I have to say that, as a professor myself, I find the silence of struggling students much more frustrating than a pro-active approach to problem solving--partly because I can't help those who don't seek help. You seem to be determined to forge ahead, for which you should be commended, and I'm sure your profs will appreciate your honestly and strength.
AKC,
It sounds like you are getting a handle on the school issues, which is very good indeed.
If I understand you correctly, you believe you have experienced (or are experiencing) "manic" periods but your doctor has not specifically diagnosed you as suffering from mania or hypomania? I am bipolar, so I recognize the problems you describe, but sleep issues and appetite problems are so common with so many disorders and illnesses (and medications) that it may take some time for you and your doctor to figure it out together. It also sounds like you have a lot of books to crack open and read, but don't forget to establish a routine for sleep and down time as well as for study. I know that grad. school is not the best context for establishing a patterned sleep schedule, but it's well worth a try.
As for the lack of a sex drive . . . an unfortunate side effect of many anti-depressants, and the effects are both physical and psychological. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your boyfriend, and don't let the meds spoil your desire for both physical and psychological intimacy. You may just have to be more patient with yourself, he'll have to be more patient with you, and both of you may need to be more creative!
Re: alcohol and meds, it's important to do a little research about the particular medications you are taking before drinking alcohol. Some side-effects, like sleepiness or dizziness, can be exacerbated by alcohol, but sometimes a reasonable amount will not create any problems. Best to ask your doctor. However, there are medications that don't mix at all and there are warnings to completely avoid any use of alcohol. I know this because I take one of the "no booze" drugs. So maybe I'll try blueberries!
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