Hello, everyone. I feel like my family and the select friends that know anything about my panic and agoraphobia are laughing and talking behind my back. I also feel like I am letting my husband down because he is fully responsible for all the finances in the house now. I feel like my son thinks I am crazy (which is how I feel half the time). The people who are trying to be understanding, just can't. I feel like a hypochondriac, which causes me to lie and hide the way I am feeling. Trying to be "normal" around certain people. Makes me tired and really never want to go anywhere because at home I can just be myself and not worry about trying to act normal.
Hello everyone. I was just clicking through this site and reading what everyone has to say. I will admit that I am a little nervous to be completely honest. I have never done a chat room or anything like that. I am use to talking to people that I am gonna see sometime. I don't feel like I can be honest with them all the time because I can't stand the looks on their faces.
Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I will do my best to do those things. It is just hard knowing that my husband and I just bought a house and now all the pressure is on him. But I guess if I take time to do these things now then I will be able to work long term, and if I don't then it will be short lived and just get worse in the long run.
Well if I am ok to talk about anything at all then I have a question. Does anyone else have thoughts of hurting themselves? It's not like I sit at home and have thoughts of killing myself or even hurting my self while I am at home. But any time I am driving anywhere near a freeway or any high speed area I have these vivid, terrifying, almost like TV clips, of me whipping my wheel right in front of a semi truck, or driving right off the bridge, or into a pole. Then last night I was riding with my husband, who I am usually cool to ride as long as the music is off and only one person is talking at a time, and I saw myself open the passenger door and jump on in front of the car next to us on the freeway. Scares the hell out of me. Mostly because I think about how my husband and kids would feel. And all the thoughts about what people would think or say about me, "I knew she was crazy" How embarrassing for my kids that would be. So I guess my question is...Are these thoughts or TV clips normal? As normal as all this can be.
Thank you everyone. I should start by saying that I didn't mean normal for everyone. I just wasn't sure if it was part of my anxiety/panic/agoraphobia, whatever the heck it is. No I am not seeing any kind of doctor other then my regular Primary Care Physician. I sorta kinda told her some of the thoughts, but not really in detail and she put a referral in for me to call mental health psychotherapy, (not completely sure what that is). But I am a little nervous to call because I am afraid that they will have me involuntarily committed or something. I have been trying to do a bunch of research online to find out what I should tell them and what I should not tell them. But I'm not sure what the laws are in my state and I'm not a very good online searcher. My husband is but I don't want him to know how vivid and frequent the thoughts have gotten. Anyone know the laws in Washington State about involuntary commitment?
I have a harder time in person also. It just feels weird to talk so openly about it and not feel like a hypochondriac. Sometimes I think that is what people are thinking.
But so far today this has been much more comfortable.
Thanks I will look it up and just peak at it. I don't know what that means but I am sure that I will find out. I called and scheduled an appointment today with a therapist or some kind of doctor, I'm really not sure. I just know it was in the mental health part of my doctors office. I feel like I am watching a movie half the time. Not really sure why. Not really sure why it all got so bad so quickly. Nothing different has really changed. I am miserable. I feel like I am always lying to someone about something. I am a recovering meth addict and also struggle back and forth with bulimia. I have been clean from meth for over five years and I have managed to cut the puking and laxatives down to about half what it use to be. When my husband walks in the room and I am on this site reading or whatever, I minimize the screen quickly so he doesn't see what I am writing. I know that he loves me very very very much but my head tells me that he would regret marrying me if he knew all the things I was thinking. I'm done!! I'm rambling and most the time forget what I am saying anyways.
Life sucks right now. I wasn't this miserable when I was getting loaded every day.
that terrifies me. i asked the lady on the phone if they could do that to me before i would even give her my health record number. i am so paranoid right now. i ignored my best friends phone call today and was afraid that she was going to just pop by so i closed all the blinds and locked all the doors. that is so out of character for me. there are TOO MANY new things popping up everyday, not really feeling like i can take it anymore.
Hello Angel80, I'm new too. I have found in the last two days that I learn something new every time I come on here. That has helped me a little. I hope that having people to talk to that suffer from a lot of the same things helps. If your anything like me then it took a lot of courage for you to post on here. I know for me, I thought about for a long time before I actually did it. I don't know how many times I came on the site without actually registering to look at the stuff before I finally did. So far so good.
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