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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?

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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 14

See I have the exact oposite problem I react too quickly. I have a very bad temper and I often say hurtful things or get too angry in situations. It has caused me a lot of problems and I am still trying to work on it.

A lot of people have trouble with personal conflicts and how to deal with it. I think we should be proud of ourselves just for addressing our issues. We are all learning....we will figure it out.

Have you had to deal with any other personal conflicts lately?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Lily,

You have broken it down and this is great. You know how to approach these situations and know what may or may not occur. Keep working on reactions and actions, it can serve as exposure therapy if you practice and are ready.

Good for you,

Josie, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Sarah,

Thanks for the advice.

This kind of thing is difficult especially when I can say things that can be interpreted the wrong way. I probably need to do some rehearsing before I do this since I have a temper when I get mad. Either I go quietly and cry or I lose my temper and get out control. I practiced it a month ago when I went out with my friends. I defended my friend when someone made fun of her and it turned out aggressive instead of assertive. I scared some of my friend's friends and for sure ruined their first impression of me. I did not like the way I acted and could not sleep for the rest of that night. My friends ended up making fun of me after. Why did I bother defending them?

I maybe making excuses but I am a slow reactor and will only respond or react much later after the event has occurred. I need to practice automating my responses every time I am in one of those situations.

Thanks for your support and responses. I really appreciate it!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Lily,

As other members have mentioned, it can be difficult to deal with co-workers who tease, even if it is in a playful manner. Like you said, laughing off jokes may be communicating to these co-workers that it is okay to make these jokes and may encourage more jokes in the future. It is important for you to decide your best course of action and what you would feel ultimately comfortable with doing. Taking a timeout or hiding out for a bit may be successful options for you to deal with these interactions. However, there are also other possible solutions. Being assertive is a great way to communicate to these co-workers that you are not comfortable with the way they are treating you.

Here are a few tips for being assertive:

-Use "I" statements when talking to them (example, "I feel embarrassed when this happens" instead of "You make me sad when you tease me")

-Firm body language (standing tall, facing them)

-Direct eye contact (looking away or at the ground may communicate passiveness to these people)

Let us know how things go for you in the next couple days. We will be here for you whenever you need us.

Sarah

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Thanks everyone for the suggestions!

The lists do help and I like to cross things off on paper. Electronically, it does not have the same effect.

The teasing is something that is ongoing and will never go away. When it happens again, I will just go take a timeout or hide out for awhile.

Thanks for your kind words and for your support. It really helps.

Lily

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Furgitit and WildCat,

Just wanted to say hi and I am glad you are back to posting. I had been missing yah! Plus, I was getting kinda worried not seeing either of you on for so long lol (I am the worse worrywart!). Anyway, lovely to have you back ladies : )!

Lily,

As for mean, teasing co-workers, well, I have no clue. I am like you, always wondering how I should react to get them off my back without making myself look bad in some way. MAn I find work dynamics exhausting and complicated!

Sorry to hear you are stressed out at work lately. After your day ends, make sure you take time to do some relaxation exercises, maybe some deep breathing but one way or another take some time for you to take care of yourself! You sure deserve it! Oh I find chamomile and/or Linden herbal tea very helpful also.

As for what you are doing to make this happen to you... Well I think it is not your fault. I agree it would be a great idea for you to learn to love and accept yourself and to not put yourself down! But others should still not be mean to you! So self-reflection is good but self-blame not so much

. (then again who am I to talk I do it all the time!).

As for the multi-tasking. I agree with Furgitit and WildCat. Lists! Then you take on item at a time till you are done for the day! It is NOT possible for a human being to actually give good attention and focus well on more then one thing at a time! It just isn't. so a list and then doing one task at a time is actually the best and most productive way of doing things! Or so I have read.

Well, sorry I could not be more helpful. I hope things go well for you. Keep us posted!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Hi Lily,

I agree with Wildcat make lists. I don't always do this because I am scattered and I get off topic. It is very hard to get a list done when everything pops up (because certain things have to be done a certain way or they cannot get done OCD). I have been told I multi-task very well. I don't think I do, I just do what is most important and keep going until I either snap or the day is over.

As for dealing with rude and insensitive co-workers, I don't know what to say. Somedays, I would say bite their heads off and spit them out and other days, I'd say go find a dark corner and a blanky and cry your eyes out. I still haven't figured this one out to get a happy medium. I find that venting about it on this website helps to diminish the feelings of inadequacy and just get it off my chest. Getting it out is the first step to your resolving the issue for yourself, asking for help is step 2, I have made it to step 2 and I am still gathering information to figure out the best way to resolve these issues for myself. If you fnd a way please post so that the rest of us can give it a try.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Lily,

I like your name change ... by the way. Our garden has several types of lilies and they are all beautiful flowers!

I have no gift for the multitasking - I am no OS2 nor Windows. So I list what I need done and slot time periods during the day for each task at work. This type of situation usually occures when I have to do the work of someone who is out and I must meet their time dead-lines and get my work done by the end of the day ( I am in the treasury and go to the bank for others). The list delimits the amount of effort and helps me focus on what is necessary right now. If I go off focus I just look at it again and I am back on track...

I have bought these really nice 7 day with no date, no time organizers at the dollar-rama so I can use them when I need to... We are not short every week so I can follow the same basic time outline most weeks. I have a monthly calander at home and at work for appointment and meeting and classes and the purse one to bring those back and forth... My husband wants me to go ELECTRIC. But there are none that are really nice. ah well.

But I do not know if you are aware ... but some of my bopolar sympotoms cause work problems and I have had to learn to re-organise myself. So when my moods go up I an TOO energetic and become the hyper kid that is all disorganised and can do nother but climb the curtains! And when I am depressed I am slow and can't remember where I left my coffee cup so of course where my saved files are is a mystery!!! So where client funds are Is not a task I look forward to tackling ... especially if it means talking to people in my other offices. They always ask who are you- I am miserable and you don't care so next- Most Bipolars (manic-depressives) are not the best multitaskers. Creative and Intelligent

YES! but unitasker or Bitaskers... hihihhi... Especially when a mood comes on and I start reading facial expressions and body-language all wrong!

Sorry, That is all me. I am rambling again. Let me know If I have given you any ideas... I have a few more that we have given my son but he is different story!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Thats an interesting question Lily.

Sometimes it is hard to know when to be assertive and when to laugh it off. If you think that they really are just teasing in good fun it can be better just to laugh it off and not take it seriously. But when it really does hurt you, it is good to voice your oppinion. Even if the person did not intentionally mean to hurt your feelings they should know that they crossed the line.

Members, how have you delt with people at work or friends making hurtful comments or "jokes"?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Hi Diva,

Thank you for following up! It's been a month since I have been on this site. I have been stressed out lately with work. I don't like multitasking, I still have not gotten the hang of it. I am glad the jokes have subsided a bit because of the changes.

I have been thinking a lot about what I am doing to cause this to myself. Too many negative thoughts and too much "projection" to other people. If I don't don't respect or like myself, well, everyone else is going to treat me that way. It is a big process as I have always put myself down.

I don't know if I am doing the right thing. If someone makes fun of me, I just laugh it off? Doesn't this give them positive reinforcement to make more mean jokes? Or does seeing me get angry and serious serve as positive reinforcement to make fun of me more? I don't know, people are so hard to figure out. I am going to have a lot of self reflection for this month.

Lily

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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?