Hello my fellow travelers: I've done a bit of backward looking as I go through this process. Mostly I look at why I started doing it in the first place. No one in my immediate family smoked and not many of my friends did either. However, I began the beguine and have regretted it ever since... I have come to the conclusion, that I am an emotive smoker. I found that it was a great way to deal with anger, hurt and the general pain of being a humanoid. This was greatly illustrated this morning. I am currently sharing my house with one of my brothers who has had a bit of a hard time and needs some shelter from the storm. Well this morning I caught him im a lie (its not the lie that is the problem, it is the pattern of the behavor that is disheartening). However, I know all about addictiive behavior and am trying to seperate the actions from the actor. It was tough this morning. In any case while this whole unfortunate interaction was taking place, my own addiction was creeping up on me. I hate to give human characteristics to nicotene, but it is effective for purposes of illustration. You will all know what I mean when I say it is "creeping up." As the confrontation went on and on and he concocted 1 half truth after another and I continued to bring him back to the original situation and he continued to add another layer of deceit to what was clearly a lie to begin with, all I wanted to do was go away, smoke a cigarette and forget about it...Until he got to the part where he says he can't help it, or he didn't know or some other doper excuse. But I did not do that and in the not doing, I realized that my time spent away from the habit, had indeed made me stronger. I am sure that I am not the only one here who smokes to relieve anxiety, dispel sad thoughts or blunt regret. I just want anyone out there who is thinking of smoking because they are sad, rejected, angry or upset...STOP...BREATH...WALK...or delay...I promise you the urge will go away if you are patient...I make very few promises in this life, but that one is for sure...THE URGE CAN BE DEFEATED...And when in that crisis moment you do it, you will gain another small seed to plant in your subconscious mind that will grow into the strength to say NO the next time a situation

Danielle: Thanks...I just thought it was interesting that the last repondent thought I was female...That just took me back a bit... nonic

Faithfreedom: I do have to ask one question and I am sure that you will answer with honesty and candor...Does my writing sound feminine? Stay well, you have a tremendous quit going...I know that you have worked hard for it... Nonic

Faithfreedom: Thank you so much for the feed back on this one...My brother is a good person (beyond the behavioral stuff that he is working through)...When I began this journey I had already committed to helping him through this time, so I had to add that stress to the list of things that would have to be faced "without the crutch"...It was part of my original plan so I am keeping it all on line in that context... Thanks again and stay strong Nonic

Very well said, Nonic! As we learn more about ourselves and the addiction, it does become a little easier to deal with, doesn't it? Now, your brother, that could be a tougher situation, no doubt. What a good sister you are for being there for him, even with the tough love you must present to him. An "emotive" smoker -- I like the phrase. It rings very true for many of us, I'm sure. Thanks for your input and congratulations on an excellent quit! Keep the faith [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 112 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,500 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $896 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 14 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Nonic, Not feminine at all. You're writting is eloquent & honest. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is sure to help many through this struggle. Danielle _______________________ The SSC Support Team