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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Dave,

I really like the counter instead of the clock. Perhaps the clock is a way to wait for the opportunity to feel confident and "normal" and then justify drinking to access. That 's what my husband suggested. That I was kidding myself that I had control that I could moderate. My conversations with my kids and then my husband were way over due and hard to hear/have. I thought my not drinking for so long had somehow erased the memories they had of my bad times. Guess what...Tuesday I opened it all back up for everyone. Having said that I am glad to have given them the opportunity to air it all out. I think it will make us a stronger family. I told them I was sorry for any pain I had caused.

I hope that they never have the struggles with any substance and if they do I'll be here to help them not judge them. What I do know--and I've said this before--that first drink is a choice. There is no reason to kid myself. And I agree there is no normal. Everyone has something. I just wish mine didn't hurt others and it could just disappear. I know the disappearing part is wishful thinking. I'm stronger than that anyway. Face it to make it.

I also agree that society has made drinking the "norm" accepted social drug use basically. It'll be the same with marijuana eventually. The next generation will use it like the previous ones have used alcohol. And alcohol really is everywhere. I remember a time when you couldn't buy it in grocery stores or pharmacy. It's in every service station now little tiny bottles on the end caps like gum. No wonder it's a drunk nation. I wish it wasn't so common.

However, that's the time we live in. I think though that like smoking maybe someday people will realize how it is poison. It really is. Thats what I keep telling myself. Just because some of it's made from organic materials it's no less dangerous to anyone.

So, I am resolving to take better care of myself.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

That is incredibly positive that you took the time to truly talk with family and kids and let them share the reality of how this challenge impacted them. More importantly it validated their point of view and this will pay dividends down the road we can't see. It's the first step in saving them for recycling our problems, which were recycled from the previous generations problems. One of our greatest responsibilities is to be the catalyst that puts an end to this cycle of abuse that has existed before we came into the picture. Like ourselves, our parents and their parents did the best they could with the resources available under the social and economic influences of the times. Now we know we can invoke this positive change for healing and living free of the constraints of the past and that is inspiring because it will cascade in ways we will never see. Good for you for having the courage to take the first step!

Oh, and I have news for you ND....there is no such thing as 'normal'. People are what they are...the sum parts of their life to date, each of us struggling in our own way. This whole concept of 'normal' drinking is a load of crap. There is nothing normal about putting a drug into your body to make you high as a recreation. The fact that the majority of people can get moderately buzzed and hammered only some of the time isn't really normal. From what I've seen, 95% or more people get moderately to extremely uncomfortable not drinking in social situations and base their social happiness and acceptance on consuming at least some amount of alcohol. Take that away and they are anxious and find it difficult to relax. What is so normal about that? And I think I'm being generous at 95%. The fact is alcohol isn't working for many of us for a variety of reasons and some people should avoid it, at least for an extended period in their lives. However, I could say the same for other things as well. Some people just shouldn't ride motorcycles while others shouldn't go rock climbing and others should avoid gambling at the race track. Society attaches way too much importance to the social acceptance of alcohol consumption, yet it is way more destructive than marijuana or cocaine use.

So start the 'counter' over, not the clock. The counter represents success, the clock seems to be a count down to some end point. Stick with your plan and relax into it.

All the best,

Dave

PS. I agree, we seem to have a lot in common....

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

One more thing I've been thinking about...even though my drinking Tuesday night wasn't a full blow binge I think was enough of a wake up call that I need to not get lulled into a sense of comfort zone. When I went back and looked at my blog and crossed it w posting and my diary there were several days of struggles....starting way back with the cleaning of our stupid garage!

I'm gonna keep a third eye so to speak on my inner dialog. I went back and reread your posts Foxman, Dave and Swig. Wise words.

Dave---the last paragraph of your last post really hit me. You and I are similar and your words couldn't have been more true. The drinking---arrogance. There is so much to life. So many things. My family had gotten in a great place but I self fulfilled myself right back to the bottom. Sabotage....arrogance...lack of focus...lack of acceptance of my life. And really what is the point of drinking? No good cones from it. "Oh but I want to be normal....I want to show myself I can still drink in moderation"----oh I showed myself. My husband described me when I used to get drunk as primal. Said it was like some one turned off me and I become this totally different person. Whether I'm a happy drunk, angry, or sad it's a different person. He said it made him want to curl up in a ball and not see me until I soberd up and our kids feel the same way. Wow. Frightening. But eye opening on how they see me.

So I start the clock over...I'm 4 days in....and like I said I'm all in. I've proven to myself moderation doesn't work for me.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks Everyone for the feedback . I agree with all of it. The Tolle and Covey quotes/references are so relevant and spot on!! And Swig thanks I think going back in is positive too. Facing any alcohol causes me to turn away my face even right now. Like kryptonite. My son and I had a long talk today. I also talked with my daughter and husband at length. The talk with my son was heartbreaking but I needed to hear it and he needed to tell me how angry he'd been then proud and now totally let down. With that knowledge (I already knew it) I can see and feel his hurt. I am resolved to be even stronger. I agree the drinking stuff--no good comes from it. I need to be totally done. I am not able to moderate. Not for me. I'm all in--humbly offering support to anyone that needs it or wants it. An alcohol free day is a great day. Life is better when a persons not running around fixing the damage they've caused. I'm grateful for another gracious chance from my family. But I need to figure out some dreams I might have and put energy into living not regretting. Water off a ducks back, right?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

...make sense?? is what I meant.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

Looking at situations from an alternative point of view helps to get away form those extreme thinking habits. We tend to internalize a lot of things unnecessarily and unrealistically, and it is often due to those cognitive distortions we've discussed. Stephen Covey used a great example in First Things First. He talked about a man and his son and how the man was yelling at his son and was very short with him. The son was upset and began feeling worse and worse and, from the outside, it's easy to judge someone based on our limited view. We can feel anger and disdain for the man and feel sorry the child because of the way he is being treated. Before you know it we've moved on to full-scale judgement and may begin to disdain for the man. Now imagine how you'd feel if you find out he's just left his wife in the hospital and something catastrophic has happened, whether illness or an accident, and the man's life has been flipped upside down and is struggling to cope. Suddenly, everything changes in our own mind and, in an instant, we flip to sympathy, empathy, and understanding. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as that and it's something I try to keep in mind, like when you come across someone driving and you think he's a real .....hole because he's angry and yelling, etc. I have a choice; I can get really angry and pour gas on the fire or bend a little, acknowledge them, and consider the fact that, even though no one is in the car with him physically, he may have just gone through the same experience as the man described above. Or perhaps he's struggling with an alcohol addiction problem and is having an anxiety attack. Well, I can understand the latter very well and I suddenly find patience and tolerance and would be more inclined to help him rather than give him the finger.

I guess my point is, I have a lot of ingrained habits and thinking patterns and I can usually sense when I need to pay attention and change something because it's creating anxiety and stress for myself and others. Changing these things is an incremental process, slow and often uncomfortable, yet I'm grateful to have the opportunity to do it because sometimes it's too late (as in you have expired). I've seen happen too many times with my friends, and, sadly, family members too. We're extremely fortunate to be in the position to invoke positive change and pursue a purposeful life. Unfortunately, people often realize when it's too late. This drinking stuff, worrying about not getting drunk, or feeling short-changed, or bored and restless, etc with life is all self-centred arrogance and a fear to pursue what's really important to you, like your dreams. I know people who would give anything to do it for just 5 minutes because that boat has sailed for them. Yet we often take a match to our own opportunity by ignoring it. Does that make sense.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Hey Nodrama,

I think going back to the store and facing your enemy is a positive step in dealing with your recent setback. At first you were ashamed and disappointed with yourself for your actions but now (it appears to me) you have channeled that same negative energy to where it belongs; you are angry with the vodka for what it has done. Being angry with the vodka is good, and if all future visual encounters with vodka results in you wanting to gag, that too is good. So maybe it can be a positive to let it linger in the brain for a while. And NO you are not crazy !

Swig

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

Based on the time of your post, early morning, I'd probably have the same reaction looking at a bottle of vodka and consider consuming; gag. Compound that with the anxiety of your most recent experience......Look at it as a positive and that you really don't want to drink vodka.

Regarding the Tolle reference from the Power of Now, I couldn't agree more. It illustrates that vast majority of our stresses, negative, behaviour (excess drinking), and ill-health are driven from within and we can change it by changing our thinking and learning to embrace and cope with those drivers. Interesting how that one paragraph invalidates the decease theory of AA. That soundtrack ion our head illustrates the critical importance of what you say to yourself. Repetitive dialogue, whether positive or negative, will eventually work it's way into the subconscious and manifest itself in perceptions ("I am this...."), behaviours (like drinking to quiet the incessant voice and the stress we experience from it), and reactions (triggers). To define oneself as something is to program and embrace a definition of ones self is to take ownership of all that goes with it. That can be positive or negative and your mind does not care. So, based on what Mr. Tolle is saying, defining oneself as "powerless" and "alcoholic" isn't such a good plan. While I used to behave like an alcoholic, based on the sum parts of where I was at the time, I have since chosen remove and resolve many those parts and therefore do not behave that way any longer. Choosing positive definitions is definitely the way to go.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Eckhart Tolle Talks about the mind being the worst critic and that, we need to learn to dis-identify from it:

Here is an excerpt from his book "Power of Now":

You have probably come across "mad" people in the street incessantly talking or muttering to themselves. Well, that's not much different from what you and all other "normal" people do, except that you don't do it out loud. The voice comments, speculates, judges, compares, complains, likes, dislikes, and so on. The voice isn't necessarily relevant to the situation you find yourself in at the time; it may be reviving the recent or distant past or rehearsing or imagining possible future situations. Here it often imagines things going wrong and negative outcomes; this is called worry. Sometimes this soundtrack is accompanied by visual images or "mental movies." Even if the voice is relevant to the situation at hand, it will interpret it in terms of the past. This is because the voice belongs to your conditioned mind, which is the result of all your past history as well as of the collective cultural mind-set you inherited. So you see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy. Many people live with a tormentor in their head that continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy. It is the cause of untold misery and unhappiness, as well as of disease.

The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind. This is the only true liberation. You can take the first step right now. Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years. This is what I mean by "watching the thinker," which is another way of saying: listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.

When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door. You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind.

So when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought. A new dimension of consciousness has come in. As you listen to the thought, you feel a conscious presence - your deeper self - behind or underneath the thought, as it were. The thought then loses its power over you and quickly subsides, because you are no longer energizing the mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking. When a thought subsides, you experience a discontinuity in the mental stream - a gap of "no-mind." At first, the gaps will be short, a few seconds perhaps, but gradually they will become longer. When these gaps occur, you feel a certain stillness and peace inside you. This is the beginning of your natural state of felt oneness with Being, which is usually obscured by the mind. With practice, the sense of stillness and peace will deepen. In fact, there is no end to its depth. You will also feel a subtle emanation of joy arising from deep within: the joy of Being.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Strangely, today I had to go into the drug store where I bought the vodka ( no I didn't buy any alcohol today--I don't drink). The odd experience was, I couldn't look at the line up of booze behind the clerk while I was checking out. If I did look I gagged. Bizarre behavior. I don't know what's up w that. I was like.....ok I have some problems I'll admit that anxiety, extreme thinking, low self esteem.....but I'm not crazy and this is a little crazy! The checkout lady was like are you ok? Kind of funny looking bad but embarrassing at the time . Makes me wonder if I'm self punishing internally for my setback. If my brain can't let it go so to speak. Which makes me feel a little OCD about this. Any thoughts?

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