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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

Hi,

I'm glad I found this site. Lots of useful information and I've seen some of the posts. Seems like some real good folks here.

The last week has been very difficult and my normal coping with anxiety and panic just isn't working. I've been in panic mode since Tuesday morning, the morning after my wife, step-daughter and dog left across the country to move to our new home.

I have to sell the house here first before going to join them. I feel overwhelmed by it all and terrified about finances. The finances are pretty much worked out, and I'm working on the house room by room to manage the situation. I'm worried that my wife might use this as an excuse to leave me, even though there has been no real indication that she would even think that. I can't seem to defeat that thought. The other thing that's haunting me is that the house might not sell, or if it sells I won't be able to get together enough money to move. Or that I might sell and still end up owing the bank more. Or a million other things....just thinking about it is winding me up again.

I've had problems with depression since I was about 12, but have had it pretty much under control for the last few years. First with pharmaceuticals and CBT, then with a naturopath and continued exercise of CBT methods. But this move has thrown that all out the window!

So I just need a little support, an ear to talk to, and maybe some new ideas. I know I'll live through it. I know I'll get back to my family somehow. I just want to stop the panic so I can get things done and get on with it.

Thank you for listening,

Guy

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hey i´m Michelle, im new. Looking for social support with people who can relate

Hi Michelle,

I'm new here too. Sorry to hear about that store experience. It's true that most people don't have a clue about anxiety until it happens to them. Have you noticed that people that suffer from anxiety attacks, depression or other challenges tend to be much more empathetic to others than the so-called normal people?

I had my first panic attack when my dad was dying and I was going through exams at university. I also had a baby boy to take care of, and a bunch of other things going on. I had a sinus infection too, so the side of my face went numb about the same time as the attack. I totally thought it was a heart attack!! I called my wife to come home because I thought I was having a heart attack, she called me crazy and was generally annoyed with me and the whole episode. Needless to say, we're not married anymore. That was my second panic attack. They usually last about a week or so with me. Now I'm on my third big one.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we will live. It's been almost 30 years of depression and anxiety for me and I've lived. You will too. I've had suicidal thoughts, but I know in my deepest that won't ever happen. I will be alive until it's my time, hopefully in my late 90's. But like you I want those years to be enjoyable and generally happy.

So that's why we are here. We'll get through it together.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Mood-enhancing foods

How can I get my appetite back?

The anxiety I've been going through this week has really affected my appetite. I have none. Literally, none. I've lost about 12 pounds. I definitely had 12 pounds to lose as I started out at 299 pounds. Nonetheless, I know I'm not getting the nutrients my brain and body needs to deal with my situation.

I can eat an occasional banana, some juice, I also make and drink a shake with protein, greens plus and psyllium fiber but even those are hard going down these days. The knot in my stomach is huge. I may be drinking too much coffee too, usually 2 to 3 cups a day, black.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Mood-enhancing foods

By the way Davit, very cool about the maple syrup substitute. I run a preparedness website - I'll have to mention that there and give you credit of course.

LOL! I run a preparedness website and suffer from anxiety and depression! Isn't that something like ironic?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

Thank you Ocean and Davit,

Yep, tunes are cranked. I also have the CBT for Dummies audiobook on my iPod. That really helped this morning.

Travis Tritt's Great Day to be Alive always picks me up, oh and Rodney Atkins' If You're Going Through Hell.

She's never done anything to make me think she would leave me, but that's kind of how my first wife left me.

I went off to boot camp and two weeks later she said she wanted a divorce. Ex said that since I was gone, she was the happiest she'd been in years.

I'm afraid that once my lovely wife has a month or so alone, she'll feel better off without me too. The point of the move was to get out of the rat race, so to speak. So now that she's out of it maybe she'll relax and just think I was part of the problem too, not just the loving husband that was hating the rat race as well.

But I can't control what she thinks, can I? She was terrified that I would use this move as a reason to leave her too! She wouldn't feel that way if she didn't love me right? I have to do what I can do, what we planned to do, and what happens will happen and I'll deal with it then. Stick to the plan as we made it and see what happens.

Wow, a lot of this does have to do with self-worth doesn't it? I mustn't think too much of myself to feel this way. Got to get back to the program and the CBT.

Thank you all again for your kind words and advice.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

Hi Davit,

I tell her I love her several times a day, and I have since I first told her 5 years ago. I do what I can to make her feel loved. I've always been a sort of romantic, with surprises and little notes. I wrote her a note on our bed frame before I packed it up, and she took it with her. My hope is that she'll read it and think of it every time she goes to bed.

Hard words are sometimes good words. I believe I've been a good man for her and her kids, and my son. I'll continue to work on being better too. Thank you.

Hey Tiana,

You are right. I will get through this just like I got through everything before. Thank God I found this site. I went out for coffee with a friend this morning and that helped. I'll try to do that at least once a week. I'll continue to work on the program as well.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hey i´m Michelle, im new. Looking for social support with people who can relate

Angel80,

Inspiring story, thank you!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Freaking out

Hugs, I know how you feel about university. I've attended 3 universities and 3 colleges and the anxiety and depression kept interfering. Hard to pass a course from my bed. In the military though, I excelled at the education.

So Ducky! I wish you the best in this pursuit. You've made it a lot further in academia than a couple of us, so you must be doing something right. Stay the course.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

Oh what a day!!!

First the what ifs started. Not the good kind either.

What if I can't sell the house?

What if I can't find a decent job there?

What if I get there and we find that the problems we had together weren't just a result of a rat race lifestyle?

What if I get there and I hate it?

Then I started questioning if my sweetie really loved me.

Why did she do this so quickly?

Why couldn't she wait for all of us to go together?

Maybe she's using this as a way to leave me or control me?

The last couple years of our life together has been tough since we have jobs where we are on call 24-7. Her more so than me for the last 2 years and before that it was me. We're sick of it. We never talk because we know that as soon as we start the phone will ring. We had one 6 day vacation in the last 5 years and both of us took work calls during them.

I keep forgetting that I want this too. I encouraged her to pursue that job. I saw the beautiful little homestead we could have when she bought that house.

What if I find a good job?

What if I really like it there?

What if I can sell the house and make a bit of money off of it?

She did this quickly because it was a job that uses her skills, pays decent for the area, and should be relatively low stress compared to managing a hotel. She did this because she wants what I want - a life where work stays at work and family endures.

She couldn't wait, because it actually took a long time to get the job and I actually encouraged her to take it.

If she's trying to control me, it seems pretty dumb to try to do it from 4000km away. If she's trying to leave me, why would she keep calling me and telling me she loves me. Why would she cry when she tells me she misses me?

I'll get through this. Plus I promised her I would join her down there. I haven't made many promises in my life, but I've yet to fail to keep one. That's a core belief that I need to maintain and keep with. Being a man of my word is a big part of my self-worth and I've done that so I AM worth something!

Thanks for letting me bend your ear, or eyeball as the case may be.

Cheers,

Guy

PS Davit, I read some of your blog. You, sir, are an inspiration!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Just a question for everyone who has anxiety as well as panic attacks

Dizzy,

Good question. I don't know about the Alexander Technique, but I do know that in the theory of Neural Linguistic Programming, or NLP, they talk about modeling behaviours. So, if you see someone confident like you want to be, and you model their behaviour, you will start to feel confident too.

It seems to me that our minds and bodies share a two-way street. We know without doubt that our minds can affect our bodies, so it seems reasonable to assume that our bodies can affect our minds.

I read about a study recently that suggests that our stomachs directly influence our thinking, or are a part of the process. So if there is something wrong with your stomach, it can affect your thinking. Maybe that's what is meant by 'gut feeling'.

Even through this Role Transition that is bringing on anxiety, I find that if I stand tall, keep clean and well shaven, I have a bit more confidence that I will make it through. So, yeah, I guess I do believe that the body can affect the mind.

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