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Holiday?s

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Ashley, I like that idea. It might help with many things including the holidays. Thank you! I'm going to try mindfulness and to be in the moment. I think slowing down will help also. Not taking on too many projects but at the same time I think I should do something to help a cause of some type. Even if just creating fruit baskets for the elderly and taking my kids to deliver them....or meals on wheels. Definitely going easy on the stress this year. And yes some time to do yoga and journal.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11223

Hi Nodrama,

Planning ahead like you are is very smart. It sounds like you often keep yourself busy during the holidays - so busy that you might forget to be present in the moment. Instead of rushing through the holiday season try to spend at least a few minutes a day being mindful. It might be one day you are mindful of the pain you are feeling. Feel this pain. Don't judge it or try to distract yourself from it. Feel it in the moment. You will likely find the negative feelings lose their power once you have sustained attention on it. Also, be mindful of the good feelings too. Focus on your senses - the smells in the air, the lights, the hugs, etc.

There is lots of evidence that being mindful regulaly can have a positive effect on your mood. Start practicing now and by the holidays you will be an expert at mindfulness. What do you think?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

Take a step back for a minute and don't rush the holidays. They'll be here soon enough. Last Dec., form the beginning of the month to the end was stressful. I had a car accident at the beginning of the month and then did $3k worth of damage to the rental, which I had to pay for. Factor in the regular work stress, etc and parties, and not drinking and it kind of wore me down a bit. Regardless of how stressful life got though I made 1 commitment to stick with and that was I refused to drink. It eventually passed and afterwards I felt empowered. You need to stay focused on not drinking at all.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

I had developed a drinking problem after my divorce from my 1st husband. It was like a war and he was the devil. It was a very abusive marriage and when we divorced I felt humiliated and abandoned. I thought I was a the laughing stock of the town and felt bad for my kids to have me as their mother. I delt with the problems of my divorce by drinking my anxiety away. Bad choice. BUT---I did remarry the love of my life and we are lucky to have found each other. He has saved my life and has the patience of the most amazing amounts.

Back to the baby....the holiday's
My pregancy had been a surprise. We had older children and thought we were finished. My husband was not happy about the baby initially. Then...he became thrilled! THEN....My miscarriage was in the beginning of the second trimester. We found out at a sonogram. I was devestated and had a forced delivery at home. Which was a bad way to handle it but, given the choice to try to pass the baby at home or go in to the hospital I chose what I felt would be the most peaceful. It wasn't! I was not in any way prepared for what the experience was like. That said, we had told everyone we were pregnant. I blamed myself because my body was in bad shape from the alcohol abuse I engaged in during my divorce. Felt like I had damaged my body beyond repair and this was what happened what I deserved--- I could no longer carry a baby. My husband blamed me too. He said---I killed it, he was so hurt. Fast forward 3 months and we started trying to get pregnant again....then couldn't for 6 months. Then finally did and I was so scared through the entire pregnancy (very health baby girl) and scared through her first 10 months of life that because I was so bad before I got pregant that she would have some kind of trouble---like SIDS. Not a drop of alcohol during my pregnancy or while breastfeeding. Then the holiday's hit this past year and I started drinking again every so often, then a little more then I felt out of control and ended up here in July. Looking back I was beating myself up for a baby I lost and not enjoying the kids I have. Looking back at my post divorce drinking...I was beating myself up for the failure of my marriage and the aftermath.

That's a mistake I will never let happen again. I don't want to look back to anymore regret.

Positive things that occured as a result of the negative? I like that idea.....we wouldn't have our daughter if we hadn't lost one. Because we didn't know how much we wanted another child. We wouldn't have all the joy our family has now if that hadn't happened. It was a sad time...I felt alone and responsible. But, my babies comfort me. And the fact that life is so much better....life is great and for that I am grateful. The positive that occured after my divorce instead of looking at the negative? I am married to a wonderful man with a beautiful soul and have created a warm loving family--that is comforting.

Thanks for the reframing Swig Nomore. :-) I really appreciate it. And it was good to get my story off my chest.

Thanks for that too. :-) Have a great day.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

I am a firm believer of all the negative experiences in our lives, there are underlying positives awaiting to be discovered. Like you Nodrama, I have experienced the abrupt change of total excitement and expectation to sudden loss and despair.

My son was just one year old when we learned another child was on the way, but shortly before Christmas, near the end of the 1^st trimester, the pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. The following year was basically a repeat of the year before, resulting in another miscarriage, this time in the 2^nd trimester. With no medical explanation for the two miscarriages we decided to try one more time. The third time proved to be lucky (or faith) and the following year we were blessed with the birth of a beautiful healthy baby girl. My daughter is now 11 years old and I have told her about the miscarriages and the story of how determined we were to get her. Not too long ago she said to me “Dad, if even one of the pregnancies went normal, I would not have been born”. My only reply; “sweetheart, that’s what makes you even more special”. I tried to explain to her that a miscarriage occurs when a fetus is not developing correctly, when all the things required for a health pregnancy just don’t line up right. She is contented knowing that everything went just right for her. There are still many times when I reflect back on the time of those miscarriages and the sadness that followed but I’m always comforted with the memories of the birth of my daughter.
If you can think of positive things that occured in your life as a result of the negative, it may help.

Swig

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi guys! So I've put a little bit of anxiety in my brain about the upcoming holiday season. It's always a hard time for me as I had a miscarriage on the week between Chrirstmas and New Years. So, I'm asking anyone out there if you also have trouble dealing with the holiday's? I get so busy proving to everyone that I'm "great" and "fine" that I loose track of my real self. That's the truth of it for me. I work so hard at pushing away any negatives that I don't think about them yet they haunt me. So I'm asking for feedback....want to get a plan in my brain before it gets any closer to the holiday's.

Thanks!

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