Posted this a long time ago and have had many requests for a re-post so here you are.
How to Quit Smoking in Six Easy Steps
STEP 1: HUMBLE YOURSELF. Your addiction to cigarettes is a beast about the size
of Godzilla. Stockpile all the ammunition you can get your hands on ahead of
your quit date. If a pacifier is what works for you, swallow your pride and
keep on suckin', brother!
STEP 2: THINK ROCKY BALBOA. During the first week of your quit, that Godzilla
of addiction is going to twist your innards, pound your head, fray your nerves
and stomp you into the ground. Remember Rocky: face bruised and bloody, eye
swollen shut, slumped against the ropes. Rocky prevailed in the end because,
when things were looking bleakest, he did one simple thing: HE REFUSED TO FALL
STEP 3: NO, REALLY, IT IS YOU. Even if you normally have the disposition
of Mother Teresa, during weeks one through four of the quit you will discover
the Hitler hiding under your habit. You will find that even the smallest of
offenses warrants your full wrath. You will be tempted to give cashiers,
employers, and discourteous bus passengers a piece of your mind. Don't.
Actually, a piece of your mind is not worth much at this point. You are an
irrational boob. Bite your tongue. It will save you countless apologies and,
possibly, a lawsuit down the pike.
STEP 4: HEY, STUPID! YES, YOU. Between week one through, oh, maybe
week twelve, you will have the i.q. of a rutabaga. You will forget
things. You will be clumsy. With the exception of performing
household chores at 3 a.m. to combat insomnia, you will accomplish almost nothing
of significance. This is temporary. However, if you have a safety
sensitive job (i.e., nuclear reactor operator, air traffic controller,), you
may want to consider taking a few days off.
STEP 5: GET OVER YOUR PITIFUL, LITTLE SELF. During the course of the
quit, you will suffer from the blues, the blahs, the bleaks and rock bottoms.
The best cure for those conditions is right here on the SSC. Find
someone in worse shape than you and extend your hand. Find someone just getting
ready to quit and share your experience. Find someone
who's discouraged and offer hope. Find someone who's feeling down
and offer humor. You may find that
every time you help someone else, you will double the rewards that you