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11 years and counting

Timbo637

2024-10-31 6:49 AM

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Feels like hell week all over!!

Timbo637

2024-10-30 9:38 AM

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Roller Coaster Withdrawal

Timbo637

2024-10-14 12:28 PM

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Smile....and don't shoot the messenger

Timbo637

2024-09-27 3:17 PM

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Sick of it


15 years ago 0 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lance,  I found one of the hardest things as a parent was realizing that I couldn't fix things.  I couldn't make things be perfect for my son, keep him from feeling pain, resentment, anguish, hurt, whatever.  I could only feel the pain and empathize with him (understand his pain).  Some of these feelings he had resulted from my parenting. Mistakes I'd made, things I coulda, woulda, shoulda done different.  However, I can't go back, I can't keep him from feeling the pain. I sure understand hurting when your child hurts as a parent that is what we do, we feel their pain.  We cannot take back the things we did wrong, the mistakes we made, and/or help some of the things life deals us that makes us behave in a certain manner (mental illness).  I wish I could take back my failures as a parent.  I don't know any perfect parents (because we are human).  However, we can work on making ourselves better once we realize the problem.  Learn from our past mistakes.  I can't take back what mistakes I made with my son, I can't take back the hurt that they caused him, but I can learn from them and not do them again.  With my mental illness I can work on me and that will help him.  And as your son grows and matures, he will understand more about your condition and how that played a part in the mistakes you made.  By focusing on you, you are helping him with his pain, by focusing on you, you are working to be in a postion to restore that relationship in the future. 
15 years ago 0 194 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I guess I was doing pretty good at worrying about my self there, for a while anyway. That was how I was doing so well and was actually progressing. But when my son sent me the message, I went back to my old thinking and was worried about how I was going to help him be happy. I dont even see him, how can I make him happy. But I hurt for him and I cant help it. I was supposed to be there for him, I am his Dad and I failed at that. Since his message I havnt gone out excapt to go eat turkey and to the store. It hit me hard. I know I need to worry about me, but I feel selfish and I have huge guilt everyday. Its hard to find things to do, because I still really dont enjoy anything. I re-read the message a lot and go to my kids myspace page to see how they look. I even called my sons work to hear his voice. I miss them and its hard.
15 years ago 0 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lance, I have to agree with Sid and Samantha.  The thing you can do most for everyone around you - your kids, your family and your self- and the thing that will help you get through this is taking care of you!  If you take care of you, concentrate on getting better and what it is going to take to do that, take it one step at a time, everything else will fall into place.  You are the most important thing. 
Keep posting, we are here for you!
15 years ago 0 199 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Good evening Lance,
 
I am sorry to hear you are feeling bad.  I can not tell you what to do.  I too have taken upon myself  in the past to fix everything  and do everything for everyone at the detriment to my own health. I have found that I can only do the best that I can do.   I have had to learn that I can not fix everything or every one and everything that goes wrong is not my fault.  I am not responsible for everyone elses happiness or problems.  They have to grow and find their own way and I have to grow and find my way. When I was going to grief groups we were taught to always say what we had tried that helped us and not to tell anyone else what they should do. So I can not tell you what to do but let me suggest a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud which helped me take control of my life and stop blaming myself for everything. I hope that this helps you. Please take of yourself and try not to be to hard on yourself.  I think you need to focus on taking care of you right now and work on getting yourself well.  You took care of everyone else for 30+ years now its time to take of you and find yourself and your way.  Take it one day at a time one baby step at a time.
 
Live and let live
 
Sid
 
15 years ago 0 2606 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lance,
 
Keep working on yourself and working towards achieving your goals. Work through the program and keep posting, take things day by day. 
 


Samantha, Health Educator
15 years ago 0 194 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

I hate feeling empty, lonely, lost and scared. This recent setback has been bad. It seems worse for some reason. I was doing so well and I feel like I have taken a big step backwards. I know missing my kids has been hard and not knowing how to fix the situation with them is hard as well.

What do I do to comfort my kids who are so hurt by the way I have been. How do I live with myself?


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