Trauma has had a huge impact on me. I have trouble trusting others and I tend to jump to worst case scenarios too quickly. I also can get angry more easily since the trauma. I did notice I have stopped shaking when I talk about some of my trauma. I think that is positive I guess. I think a core belief I have is, I cannot trust people. I need to work on this because logically I know I can trust some people. I often feel guilty when I say things directly. I need to work on this too as I am afraid of offending people all the time.
I am so sorry to read all the trauma you have experienced and how it is impacting you. Thank you for sharing that with us. I am sure writing that out was not easy. Coming to terms with how trauma has impacted you is a step towards healing. How do you ground yourself after thinking about your past trauma? How do you self sooth?
I have experienced considerable trauma over the last 4 years. Everything from my marriage ending and finding out it was all a lie, watching my father die who was the only person who was always there for me, having to deal with police and court because I wasn't believed, being abused by a nurse at the hospital when I was extremely ill, being treated poorly at work by a boss who promoted people for their looks not their work. All of these things have taken a toll on my self-confidence and my belief that I was safe. Everything I thought was in place to protect me failed. I have no faith in myself or society anymore. I struggle daily with my self-worth. My dreams are ridden with people trying to hurt me and society failing me. I use to be a self-confident, extremely social and happy person. I am a shell of my former self. I trust no one. I spend much of my time alone. I lack energy and I don't take care of myself properly. I am emotional, I cry a lot. I am depressed and wonder how much longer I have to be in this life. I am hypervigilant, worrying about when the next bad thing is going to happen to me.
Many people have gone through at least one traumatic event in their lives. I have heard many people say, ``well I don't have PTSD, so my trauma hasn't really impacted me.`` It is important to know that PTSD isn't the only problem trauma can cause. Trauma can also cause the development of negative core beliefs. For example, a woman who was in an abusive relationship may start to think, ``I deserve the bad things that happen to me.` Or ``No one is trustworthy.` or ``I will never be happy``. Another example could be someone who witnessed a tragic accident could start to believe, `the world is a dangerous place` or `something bad will happen to me if I leave the house.` You can see how these beliefs can greatly impact your mood and your ability to lead a fulfilling life.
How has trauma impacted you? Are you able to pin point any negative core beliefs that may have developed due to past trauma? Please share your thoughts here. For more information on Core Beliefs please take a look at session 8 of the Depression Program.