EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Depression
Health Educator’s Corner
Improving Time Management Skills

Advanced Search Form

Improving Time Management Skills

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I don't acknowledge that I "want to get" anything from my artwork (like money or notice). What I do want is the freedom to create and not worry about the end product. The most value I get from creating something is actually what I learn about myself and my world during the process. The process is what counts... but that means the value is intangible. Hard to justify time and expense expended with no tangible purpose or product.

My household chores and care-taking responsibilities always come first and then I'm too tired to really get into any creative process. My therapist suggested to me that creating art is like vacuuming my soul and therefore an important chore to attend to. I kind of like that idea... but have made no changes in priorities yet.

The other thing about art is that I dread seeing other people's work. I SHOULD be inspired and enjoy and appreciate the entire world of art. Instead, I just feel discouraged. We live in a very arty community (not to mention all that is available online). There is so much talent and a lot of shows and opportunities for artists. I'll go to a show and come home depressed. I don't want to be like this. I don't understand why I can't just enjoy the beauty. What is wrong with me? How do I change this attitude?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi ~m,

Thanks for exploring these thoughts with me. There is so much here to talk about. Let's focus on the art work for a bit though.

What do you want to get out of doing art? How does creating art serve you?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Good questions Ashley... I had not really thought about the sense of devastation being a reaction to failure. I'm not really afraid of failure. I've failed a lot of things in my life and will, no doubt, fail at many more. That IS a part of life. I always do manage to get back up and carry on. I guess because my focus is mostly on survival/functioning that when I do actually look outward and try something new... I become desperate about it. Taking a risk and failing doesn't mean that I should be ashamed of taking the risk in the first place. I just had not thought about the failure aspect... (which intellectually I understand and don't mind). I just get overcome with shame for trying to be something more... different... new... (which I'm not allowed to do).

If we must be specific... which is scary... My art is definitely an area where these dynamics trip me up and shut me down.

And then somewhere in all this comes the part about being (or not being) deserving. Which still makes me feel sick to my stomach to even think about.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi ~m,

Thank you for sticking with this discussion as I know it's a tough one.

First of all, it sounds like there are quite a few cognitive distortions and negative thoughts going on here. One, "I am NEVER prepared." Is this true that you are never, ever prepared? This sounds like your being very hard on yourself. In addition, it is ok to fail! I know fail is a hard word to hear but it really is a positive thing! I fail ALL the time. That's ok though, it means I am trying and learning. You are allowed to fail - in fact it's encouraged

How can you challenge this belief and have a new outlook on failure?

We are sort of talking about this abstractly. To delve further we may want to start looking at specific cases. Feel free to share if you feel yourself doubting yourself again. I also urge you to explore these thoughts as outlined above as it sounds like there are some negative thinking that is still holding on.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Ashley... i lose confidence because when I make plans for myself I inevitably smash up against a wall of resistance and it just seems like a good indicator that, once again, i'm heading in the wrong direction. The more I believe in the direction I choose... the harder I hit and the further I fall. I am never prepared for it. I don't expect it. I like my rose colored glasses, but I guess it leaves me blind to the pitfalls and then i step in it again and again and again and again and again. If someone else tells me to take this or that path (gives me permission) then I trust that direction more... it's usually safer. Or at least if it turns out to be wrong, then it doesn't feel so very devastating. more like.... Oh well... that's ok. It was just a suggestion. rather than a hardly held belief in myself and my abilities.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi ~m and Eleveno,

Great conversation and I think it's important we talk about this.

Eleveno, your welcome! It sounds like there are some cognitive distortions there that are making you doubt yourself. If you could pin point exactly what self statement is holding you back from believing in your plans that would be a great place to start in challenging.

~m, I find it interesting that you need "permission" from others before moving forward with a plan. I find this so interesting because to me it always sounds like you come up with very intelligent and insightful thoughts on courses of action for other members. I'm not sure what is making you lose confidence in chosing courses of action for yourself. It may go back to the whole "I am deserving" thing we had talked about a few weeks ago. I think there is some cognitive distortions still lingering in this area that need to be challenged. What are your thougthts on this? Where do you think you could begin?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 619

Hi ~m,

It is nice to have feedaback on our posts but unfortunately there aren't many active people on these forums. I think this is the reason why you do not get the feedback you would like. That's why I use these forums for CBT related activities and when I want some feedback from members I use other forums which are more populated. Health educators, and especially Ashley, allways give some feedback but it is also nice to have feedback from other people who have been there (depression).

I guess CBT takes some work and people quit before start seeing some results. If people do not see results they lost their motivation and quit the program. The problem is that results only come after some weeks and people do not have the patience to wait. To be realistic, there are only a few people who are depressed who use CBT to treat their depression. It is a shame because more people could be helped.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

For me... I need "permission" and positive feedback to pursue my plans with confidence. I hate being so dependent on the opinion of others... but have accepted that I am sort of programmed to need permission to do anything. Now, the challenge and the benefit is that I can CHOOSE who to seek permission from.

Just one more reason why member feedback is so important to me and why I am left flailing when no one responds to my posts .... either positively or negatively...

One day... I won't need such affirmation... although... maybe it's not so bad... to seek clarity within community. We are human and humans are, after all... creatures created to thrive within the herd.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 619

I think is my depression talking when I do not believe in my plans. Maybe I could think in a different way. For example, I can ask myself: If I did not have any symptoms of depression what would be my goal plan?

If I start believing in my plans I will gain more self-confidence and this in turn will help lift my depression.

Thanks Ashley for challenging my not so realistic thoughts.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

What would make you believe in your plans?

And what would believing in your plans bring you?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Improving Time Management Skills