OK, so I canceled the Christmas eve thing at my house (avoiding family) and then dh turns around and accepts an invitation for us to go have dinner at his ex-wife's house as my step-daughter and new husband will be home for the holidays (avoiding not possible... well, possible but awkward). So how will I manage this get together?
Fortunately, there are two dogs in the family, so I can always go out and play with them if things get tense and I need a break. I think I used to smoke as an excuse to leave a party and go outside and be alone for a bit. Now I just pray that there is a critter roaming somewhere that I can go hang with. They are so much easier than people!
My other strategy is to tell myself that I can, in fact, be uncomfortable for an hour or two or three and come out the other side just fine... needing quiet and rest... but still ok. This was a real breakthrough that I picked up doing the CBT. I can feel ... awkward, upset, lonely, angry, afraid, uncomfortable, sad.... I can tolerate these feelings because they will pass and balance will be restored. Feelings do not have to spiral out of control and get worse and worse until it feels like the end of the world.
So, I know it will be uncomfortable, but I also know that dh needs me to be there for him. Thinking of his needs does indeed make it easier to tolerate my own discomfort. I will plan for a good space of quiet time for myself throughout the holidays and probably bow out of most other engagements. Just keeping the balance.
