I haven't posted in a long while so I thought it was time to reach out with a update. There has been a lot of ongoing health issues in my life for long while now but things have escalated recently.
I was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and matatasis to the brain. Of course I have been experiencing a lot of shock, disbefief, anxiety, grief and depression. Things have been happening so fast with so many tests and procedures. I really haven't had a chance to stop and rest.
I feel I am being Fast Tracked into treatment. I finally agreed to and had brain radiation this month and started Chemo too. I am not sure why because I am not cureable. My condition is terminal. I am still trying to figure it all out and what I really want to do.
It's quality of life verses quanity of life. 6 months without treatment verses maybe 1 year with treatments, that make me feel sicker. So far I am not liking the treatments and actually feel the quality of my life is really diminished by them. I feel physically and emotionally worse, not better. And I am Scared more than ever now. I want a peaceful transition not a year full doctors and treatments.
Anyway I am having a lot of anxiety, grief and fear about it all and really think I just want to rest in peace and enjoy the life I have left. But I am afraid that the healthcare system and doctors won't be there for me if i do not do their treatments and will not give me the help I need with pain meds and pallative care in the end. I really am looking for a peaceful transition not a year full of doctors, treatments, sickness and fear.
Not sure what I am going to do next..