I had that kind of feeling, but thank god I learnt how to adapt to it. One thing the therapist told me one day and its still sticking in my mind is "crazy people don't ask themselves whether they are going crazy or not" because crazy people don't think they are gone crazy, so the fact that you doubt yourself wether you going crazy or not, it should be a sign to that you are fine and you are not going crazy.

Lucy, I must tell you, your entry brought tears to my eyes!! I can remember feeling and thinking exactly as you do when I was first diagnosed with this disorder. Since I only joined this site a few days ago, I really can't tell you if it will help or not. I do know that if you continue to search, and work at this problem, you will get better. I am not cured, but I am better. I don't know if I will ever be cured, but there are people who say they are. I tell myself almost daily, that BETTER is better.......one step at a time. I continue to try to find ideas and programs that will bring me onward and forward. What I can hear in your text is that you are doing exactly what is causing this problem. Inside your head you are thinking so many negative thoughts that you probobly don't even know them all. Well, let me back up a bit here too, there is another reason too, the adrenaline gland that is over producing the hormone that runs rampant and makes us "think" we are crazy. But the thoughts tend to make the adrenaline gland over produce, so it's a vicious cycle. I was never so glad when my Doctor told me I really do have a physical thing going on inside my body. It really is an illness. However, I don't like to be called mentally ill, and we arn't. So if your family or friends don't understand, and think you are "nuts" (like mine did) or that if this is "all in your head" that you can somehow just FIX it......explain the entire process. I still believe in God, however when I get there, I really have a bone to pick with him!! Also, I wanted to share another statement from my Doctor which made me feel SOOOOOOO much better. I asked him, "how do you know that I am not crazy" he said: "Jennifer, just the fact that you even asked that question tells me you are not crazy, because crazy people do not know they are crazy, they think what they do is normal" WOW!!!! I am not crazy, and neither are you. Hope this helps, and tell your Doctor about your thoughts of not being in this world anymore......the reason we are all here at this site, is because we want to LIVE, and live better......Jennifer

Lucy, I truly understand every word of your post. I must say you did really well at putting it into words. I have been living with the same thing you are for over 13 years now. I have good times and bad. Just so you know, things will get better for you. It wont always be as bad as it is right now so dont give up. Please try the panic program on this site. It is a slow process, but it will help you to better understand panic and anxiety and teach you ways to manage it. You are not alone, there are alot of others going through the same thing you are. Keep coming here to read and post. Let us know how you are doing. I woke up one morning and made a promise to myself...I decided that I would reclaim my life. I had to learn how to control this disorder and stop letting it control me!!! I still have bad days but I can deal with them alot better now than I used to. Good luck to you, my thoughts are with you. Sammi

Lucy, Please remember you are not the only that feels this way. Other online members and individuals share the same concerns and feelings as yourself. Are you trying the "Panic Program" found to the left of your screen. Many individuals have told us how helpful it has been. It may be worth a try. You may also want to take our "Panic Test". The results can be printed or e-mailed to your doctor. This will better help assess the situation, and possibly assist with medication dosages and theraputic assistance. Don't give in to the Panic. Fight back use the tools at hand, and the online support group! Most of relax, and go slow. Post often, we are always here for you, Josie

:( Every single day I wake up, which comes as a total surprise to me. At night before I go to sleep, I say to myself "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep and if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take".. because I am scared I wont live to see the next day. Is there anything wrong with me that keeps me from feeling normal? Sure. Anxiety. Ever since it started to overcome me, I have delt with sudden feelings of wanting to leave a room for no reason, suddenly feeling afraid saying such things as "SOMETHINGS WRONG WTIH ME", shaking, running my hands through my hair, skin feeling like its on fire, tears rolling down my cheeks because I dont understand why I have to feel this way. I went to my doctor who prescribed Lexapro, I think I have been on that about a month now, maybe less. I now wake up shaking,but it goes away. I walk around at home or outside constantly wondering if I am dead or alive, if maybe I died and this is an alternate reality. I think of my past and im so indulged in this unreal feeling that my past seems like a dream. Or maybe Im dreaming now and all I have to do is say wake up a few times and Ill wake up, normal in my bed. I have such a hate for this life now. I dont even feel like im living. Everytime I go somewhere, Things look so strange, that unreal feeling comes about, I start having thoughts like "what if my heart stops".. I get scared and want to leave. I find myself wanting to just stay home where I can contain myself and my thoughts. Im afraid to talk about my problems to my loved ones because I know I sound crazy. I hate not being able to laugh, for fear it will stir up my anxiety, Im afraid to cry because I know it makes me get anxious and then I will really start freaking out. I feel so crazy. I feel like Ill never know how I felt 2 years ago before all this started. I feel like no medication can erase this damage. Im scared Ill never be normal for myself, for my boyfriend..for my friends. I want my old life back. Im tired of thinking everythings fake, or that questioning if Im dead or alive ****. Im tired of thinking something is always wrong, im tired of worrying about if Ill see tomorrow or not. Im sick of worrying if Ill black out. I cannot take this anymore. It makes you want to just do som