Long story and didn't get whole thing typed out without tears.
i have worked at a supervisor job for 22 years, same employer , same old run down shop, had same manager for 15 years. nothing changes. Always wanted or expected to be on call 24/7 for dept. I guess it was going ok, got used to it. didn't realize till Aug 11th this year that it had got to me some bad, super depressed. Working in a small shop with another supervisor of 7 years who i do not get along with and don't talk to. we email back and forth 10' apart in a office. Any way long story short this season had been harder to deal with, more jobs expected to be done, limited budget to spend, COVID issues, more staff not wanting to do jobs that are asked. I am the only constant in this whole time, so i know the area and dept like the back of my hand, they know that i know all of this, have never given me time to write things out. get shut down and end of October and transfer dept
I got called to a meeting , the position i am in was supposed to become full time year round, at meeting i got told the position will not be this year but i will go back the the old winter position. ( figured out that i was so relieved about that) in meeting i got told my Dept of 6 reg seasonal staff and 6 summer students , had bad moral and a negative attitude. So i sat and listened explained my thoughts on current staff. When i left the meeting i was upset/ frustrated, but continued for rest of day. Thinking about stuff in evening and next morning. I went in for half day after meeting and texted manager that i wanted to take Thursday afternoon and Friday shift off. got not problem. Then on the Friday am i sent and email to my manager that it was really short notice but i would like to take the next week off on personnel days/mental health time. Well 4 hours later i got a email back, asking who was going to cover my next shift, my oncall, and about 6 questions of stuff that where really silly and at the bottom it said "enjoy your time off" well ok. then because i didn't find anyone to cover and neither did my manager . i got a call in afternoon about things not done.
i had it at that point and went to the hospital and saw dr about stress, was in tears. Sent the pic of note to manager and HR dept. got email back from manager with list of things , who was doing what, she was at cottage, didn't deal with anything.
I took the week off, got online with out EAP program, no calls from employer asking if ok. took the next week off on planned holiday. came back asked for another week off with a dr note ( took 3 days to get). best part had an appointment with dr but then it was a locum who doesn't even know me. seeing a councilor and doing online program, going ok, struggling. now this week my employer emailed asking if i was back to work, as dr note didn't give a date. so i replied and thought i set up a phone call for 10am Wednesday to talk with HR. no call no emails back yet and it is Friday. Can't see or talk to my dr till end of October, note not clear so looking like have to go back to work.
Things i have figured out when off and after the meeting, the manager, the shop and the other supervisor are causing my stress, they are my triggers. Question : Why am i doing something that after 22 years nothing has changed and doesn't look like it will change. the only thing i can see in the 22 years it has run me down and caused most of my depression. Now i think the only options are asking for transfer out of that shop/whole dept to another shop and step down as supervisor. (less money but maybe less stress) Only 8-10 years till can retire and have figured out that there is NO way i can continue in the current Dept.
Just not sure how to ask and will be super frustrated if when wage review goes through at end of 2021 and job goes up in money. Will find out next week if the employer has hired a NEW director to replace the current manager.
I want to thank everyone for reading this.