Well, recently with the posts, I've felt I've been in a lot of arguments with people and I'm just trying to help. I still feel bad from my post I posted after Davit's on another thread where it turned negative, although everything's okay now. The positive I learned from it, is when I post something, and someone posts something afterward, I don't need to add anything after it. People can read my post and someone else's post. I'm passionate about my belief in God and went on to defend Him and my opinion which caused bad feelings and I should have left it alone. Also, with another member, I felt defensiveness and aggressiveness and tried to diffuse the situation with kindness. It made me uncomfortable, not about being kind, but feeling like I'm fighting with someone. Also, I've been upset about differing opinions about being cured and you can't be cured, just managed. I felt devalued. Of course that goes with the negative core belief, whether it was intended to be received that way or not, which I'm sure it wasn't. I guess I've felt picked on for relying on God, believing I'm cured and believing that, because panic is a learned behavior and I can unlearn it that, in my opinion, it's a behavioral issue not a mental illness which everyone seems to beg to differ. I have read further posts which explain why, a little better, so at least I understand where the point of view is coming from. Like, it's subjective to say you're cured, how does a doctor determine that, because everyone's an individual. I can't convince anyone else that I know I'm cured. I haven't had a panic attack in over two years, so for me that's my definition of being cured. I came here, did the program, and I don't have panic or agoraphobia, so I don't know how else to define it except to say I am cured, because I don't have the problem anymore. I do have anxiety at times and some times high anxiety, but it never kicks over into panic. But, everybody has anxiety whether it's a disorder or not, it's just life and how you manage it. So, I feel I have to manage anxiety at times, but I don't need to manage panic, it never goes that far anymore. I guess I felt judged, whether it was what was really happening, or just my perception of the situation. The last few days have just taken an emotional toll on me and to be honest, I was going to disappear for awhile just to get away from the controversy and stress it was causing me. I was losing my peace and that's a value I have and my compass would guide me to walk away from what doesn't cause me peace. I don't consider it avoidance, because I am not afraid. I just got worn out from the lively posts lately and I didn't have anyone to vent to about it...until now. So, that's what I've been thinking and feeling today. It's just been a build up over the last few days. Thanks for listening. Because of recent posts, I'm concerned about the responses to this post. It may be an unrealistic concern, but I don't want to stir the pot. I just want to move peacefully forward and not cause more controversy and bad feelings.
Shari
