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The Stress Response and Role Transition

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The Stress Response and Role Transition

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

That was a good answer to continue to use coping skills. It came in handy when I was in Florida also. I've read the section on role transitions and it was very beneficial and helped me to overcome Empty Nest Syndrome. I've known George for 15 years, 2 years dating and 13 married. He doesn't talk and is a hermit type of person, like a mountain man. Over the years, I've learned to stand up for myself and be assertive when I need to be. I've also learned, from experience, that I have to accept that he can not give what he doesn't have to give, like talking. It doesn't bother me, because I can get my communication needs met from friends, family and this site. I think having our individual hobbies as well as shared interests together are important. So, we have some space, like he can retreat to his shed to do wood working and build bird houses. And, I can paint, knit and do crafts. I can picture us moving to the country and raising chickens :) I'm determined to become the chicken lady when I can find a place that's zoned for it. I think it will be quiet, like it is now. I think we'll live closer to family and friends, so I can also visit people and get my social needs met and he can have the house to himself and relish in quiet and re energize that way. He never gives an answer about retirement and the future, but he listens to me about my ideas and the future. So, we'll be alright, even if they're bumps in the road. And, knowing I can handle it is key.

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Hi Shari!

Preparing for role transitions can be difficult as sometimes roles change without notice. The key is to continue using your CBT skills and stress management skills. In addition to this assertiveness skills are important. Get a good understanding of your needs and expectations and voice those where required. Listening skills are also important as you will also need to try to manage other people's expectations. Have you read the section on role transitions?

The retirement role transition is a big one. Many people don't realize how stressful this one transition can be. As your partner leaves work he also leaves a part of his identity. He likely defined himself partly by what he does as a job and now he no longer has that. Couple this with schedule changes, disillusionment of retirement and lifestyle changes and sometimes depression and anxiety can arise. Your relationship with your husband will become more highlighted now. You will be spending more time together which can be a very positive thing but also could be a high conflict time. Be patient with each other, talk as much as possible and find new activities you can do together. You may even consider counselling while going through a big transition like this. If handled positively this could be something that brings you too closer together and adds fulfillment to both your lives. Expect some stress, be understanding and open and you should be fine. Think of it as a challenge

If your husband isn't a big communicator how can you get him talking more? What are some questions you could ask him to get him thinking about this transition and how to make it a positive experience for both of you?

What are some thoughts that are coming up for you now?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Wow! I think we are twins separated at birth! We are truly cut from the same cloth, I identify with everything you said in your post :) The name of the book is, "God Has a Plan for Your Life: The Discovery that Makes All the Difference", by Charles Stanley. When I was trying to figure out whether to stay in Florida or return to Maryland, I learned, from this book that God uses friends and family sometimes to help you. My friend, of 30 years, Chris said, "Why don't you go back to Maryland and you can always go back and visit your parents in Florida. Or, you can live in Maryland during most of the year and live in Florida during the winter." That just sounded like a great piece of advice and I had peace. And, when I did that, I knew I did the right thing. Now, I don't really want to go back to Florida, but my parents are planning to move back to Maryland, an hour away from where I live. It will take a few years for the economy to pick up and the housing market to revive before they'll be able to do it, but I know they will. Another Charles Stanley book I like, is "Finding Peace: God's Promise of a Life Free from Regret, Anxiety, and Fear." Dr. Charles F. Stanley is a Pastor in the U.S.

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

Role transition is stressful. For me it hit me one evening. I was sitting watching tv and my husband was busy using his iPod and my daughter was using her ipad. I realized that maybe they don't need me as much as they used to. Not in a bad way. It was just that now was the time to move on, get a job and try to live my own life.

Up until recently I had lived for other people. When I was working I never connected with anyone and didn't attend any work functions so I could be available for my family. I didn't take any self interest courses or make friends because they would impact my family time.

I was very cut off. I didn't feel happy unless I was taking care of my family.

My daughter is 11 yrs old so her growing up changed my life too. She doesn't need me as much as she did when she was 4 yrs old. She will always need me but in other ways.

Now I am left with the huge task of trying to figure out who I am and what I even like. I started small. I realized that I hate certain foods so I didn't eat them. My family liked them so I ate them. I guess I was just a doormat in a way. I never had a life of my own.

Now I am trying to figure out what to do with my career. I would love the title of that book Shari.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

I would be curious to know if others have anxiety due to role transitions as well? Thanks.

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Re: Role Transitions. I found that it triggers anxiety in me. My daughter leaving for college is what set off my first panic attack, because I was in a role transition from being a Mom to an Empty Nester. I realized when I went to Florida this summer, it was another role transition, one from being a housewife to a career woman. Although this time it wasn't panic, because I completed this program, it was anxiety. I read a book on how to know God's plan for your life and one of the ways was that if you don't have peace where you are, that you are probably on the wrong path. So, I came home for that reason only and since I've been home, I have peace that I made the right decision. There are two future transitions I see, that aren't role transitions, one, is my daughter moving to California and two would be my husband retiring. Although with the latter, I see it as positive, but I have learned from my Florida trip, that even good stress as well as bad stress, can cause anxiety. I don't know what coping plans I can put into place for my daughter moving across the country. I have another concern about my parents eventually not being around and that really is a big issue for me. I'm trying to cross those bridges when I come to them and stay in the present. Thinking about the future too much can cause anxiety from the unknown, so I try to take things one day at a time. Any suggestions on coping plans for my future transitions would be welcomed and appreciated.

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

One thing I have noted among people that finally find happiness is a tendency to look back on the past and let it colour their present and future. They do this by thinking why didn't this happen sooner instead of just enjoying the present. This is caused by spending too much time in negative memory and recycling it. Use this memory to reinforce the positive and always end on the positive or the recycled memory will just drag you farther into negative, a sure way to cause depression. I often hear these people say, why can't I just be happy. They can. Use of CBT techniques can fix this by conditioning a person to avoid these negative thoughts and not recycle them.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

To put it in simple terms, you have a cluster of neurotransmitters that do not all work at the same time. You can absorb more information than you need. If they did not decide what is important and not important you would be so overloaded with information you would not be able to move for lack of direction. Previous experiences give you this direction and dictates which ones will feed information and which sleep, so to speak. Chemical changes can effect how they work. Trauma can cause these chemical changes. Since the gates that open and close at the neurotransmitters are chemical, imbalances can greatly effect mood.

Hence the expressions, I just can't think straight, and I just don't know what direction to go.

Too little information going through usually causes depression more than anxiety and too much can cause either or both. Too many thoughts pulling at you at the same time leaves you with no direction. Drugs do two things, tranquilizers slow down the thoughts, SSRIs do similar by putting the chemicals back in balance. CBT reduces the need for either reducing the load to more acceptable terms and in mild cases or over time can get you back on line.

Major depression really does need medical attention, at least till the chemical balance is restored.

The above is how it was taught to me. It is not gospel. Only a doctor can really diagnose depression since there really are no simple tests.

Davit.

PS. Memory can not be erased but it can be put on the back burner with CBT and since memory dictates how you act you want to do this with all the negative ones.

CBT does work, but sometimes it needs a little help.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Depression is associated with a number of specific problems with the balance of a number of specific neurotransmitters as well as physical, behavioral and psychological symptoms. It makes sense that the chemistry of the brain is changed in depression. We now know that the body and the brain are tied together. How we feel, think and behave are all related to changes in chemicals in the brain.

Perhaps more importantly, it seems that experiencing depression actually changes how the brain responds to stress. It seems that once a person has had one episode of depression, their brain shows an exaggerated stress response to relatively minor stressors. In other words, while the initial episode of depression may be triggered by a major negative life event, later episodes of depression may be triggered by a minor negative life event. Perhaps this is why depression can often become a chronic problem.

Role transitions (major changes in your life) often trigger later episodes of depression. All of our lives involve stress and transitions that present us with both challenges and opportunities. One of the best ways to combat future episodes of depression is to anticipate situations in which you are likely to become depressed in the future (transitions) and do some planning for how you are going to cope.

What helps you cope with change?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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The Stress Response and Role Transition