Some great, insightful posts in this thread. Thank you all for sharing. jSquared, thanks for the book suggestion- always good to get one that has been used and found helpful. There are soooo many to choose from out there!
Our inner voices are very influential with regards to our self-esteem. And often those inner voices are the tapes we construct over the years, since childhood, even before we can articulate our needs. Red, you are right on the money with your comments about core beliefs. You clearly have done work to get to where you are. It's not always easy to uncover why we feel the way we do about ourselves.
CBT is a great way to re-train your brain to think positive thoughts.
Loves trees, I love your yoga analogy! So true. That is why yoga is so good for us, on and off the mat!
I think its a great thing that you put up a topic about rebuilding self-esteem. When I was researching topics about how to help with anxiety I found a site that told me that building self-esteem helps. Well I went to either Borders or Barnes & Noble and picked up a book about it. I'm currently only on Chapter 5 right now, but what I've worked through in the book so far is helpful and has been teaching me new things. I know there are chapters in it that work on some of the things you listed that people can work on also. I'm just a caring person and hope that others will find it useful also. :D
For me this relates directly to the other forum regarding self esteem - specifically choosing who you socialize with. If I am surrounded by people who are harsh critics, I find it hard to be around them very long these days. I don't know if it is just me but I know a lot of negative harsh people. If they are the only people I see each week, I have to work harder to keep my inner voice positive about myself.
I agree with Davit, self esteem comes from shifting our perspective to "see" all the accomplishments, all the ways in which we are doing what we need to do for ourselves, and we are already whole. Low self esteem seems to come from wishing we were better than we already are. I do perceive a difference now between working with one's self to improve (i.e. wanting to become more flexible doing yoga without berating oneself for not already being more flexible).
Thank you for sharing and for your compassionate and caring response. I remember you talking about anger and sadness being closely linked in one of your posts before and I would have to agree with you now...Learning how to love and nurture myself is on of the hardest things I have ever had to do. If I had been nurtured as a child I think it would be a lot easier. It has been like learning a foreign language. The language of love and self acceptance...So I am going to do like you suggested and focus on my accomplishments and my good qualities and start loving my inner child...like she deserved to be loved and deserves to be loved now...and if she needs to cry I am going to let her cry and feel the feelings so that she can move on to a better place now..
Thank you Davit for helping me think this one out.
I used to have such low self esteem that I would go out of my way to be the best or better than my peers so they wouldn't see me the way I saw myself. Of course with this kind of conditioning and with a few core beliefs to feed it, I was always looking for faults in myself. The least bit of criticism would send me spiralling into depression. I am less than perfect, but so is every one. I have a few things I am real good at. Now I use them as my focal point. I have a disability, I can not change it. It just is. A close friend keeps reminding me how well I do with it. But if I wanted to I could allow it to play on my self esteem. I am proud of what I do and all I have accomplished.
No I did not get as much out of life as I would have liked but that can not be changed. It is in the past. What and who I am right now and what I do to improve it in the future is all that is important. I am me and I'm pretty darn good considering all the world throws at me. I like me and I am proud of me.
Red if you and your partner look at all you have accomplished instead of what you haven't you will see that there is a lot to be proud of. This builds self esteem. Never mind the failures or what you think or some one else thinks are failures, we all have them. They are just character builders. Stand tall, be proud of yourself, and above all else love yourself.
I am still working on the self esteem issues I have that little inner voice that can be very loud at times...For me the issue of self worth keeps coming up too when I hear the harsher inner voice from the past...when I was growing up..they are flash backs from the past kind of like ptsd..I have had a hard time with them the last few days and have been in tears off and on..This in turn leads to anxiety and depression for me...It is very hard when these memories pop up and spoil what should be happy moments for me not sad ones..These inner voices seem to be connected to my negative core beliefs about myself which stem from my childhood and the way I was treated by my parents as a child...That inner child for the past just wants to cry now because she couldn't cry before..
This topic of self-esteem really hit home with me this morning. I do think my inner voice affects my behavior which in turn causes me anxiety/depression and stress and it probably affects my relationships also. Now that I think about it I don't see how it couldn't have a affect on relationships. My partner and I have talked about low self-esteem many times over the last several years and we feel that we both suffer with this...We are both very interested in learning ways to build our self-esteem.
In the weeks to come, we will be exploring various strategies to help build your self-esteem:
Your Inner Voice
We
all have one. A voice that although we cannot hear is constantly
repeating messages that will either be reassuring if we have a good
level of self-esteem, if we have a low self-esteem, the voice is a
harsher critic. This voice also has a tendency to incessantly belittle
accomplishments.
The Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
The
consequences of low self-esteem can include: anxiety, stress,
loneliness, increased risk for depression, problems with friendships
& relationships, impaired academic & job performance,
underachievement and increased risk for substance abuse.
Does
your inner voice influence your behavior? Have you already experienced
some of the consequences listed above because of your low self-esteem?
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