I have been guilty of something else worse. Passive/aggressive. I would walk away from an argument even if I was right. I don't like to argue. But if the other person just wouldn't let it drop then eventually I would become mad and Kitchen Sink so to speak and by then I was "blind mad" All I saw was my point of view. You can imagine what it was like dealing with my brother who has different ideals and an anger disorder. Like throwing gas on a fire. My brother and I took kitchen sinking to such a level we can never take it back. The split is permanent. Please don't let this happen to you. Find a way around it.
I never heard of it as "kitchen sinking"....but I'm guilty of it. now, thought, I really work hard at staying on the topic at hand, and not dragging old issues into the arguement, but it isnt easy..thats how I learnt to communicate as my parents always "kitchen sinked". I try not to say "you always", and just stick with the particular problem.
In my own marriage I have an obstacle..hubby flees conflict with me, and I fight.... although over the years weve both come to a middle ground.... Any suggestions from members whose partners don't like conflict at all and have a hard time dealing with it? He's good with other people, but when I get angry he clams up....drives me nuts! haha
Timing
Timing IS everything. Sometimes we assert our needs and wants at the
wrong time. As a result, we don’t get what we need or want. We get an
argument. The secret to timing is to get better at taking the other
person’s perspective and understanding what they need and want.
Kitchen Sinking
Kitchen sinking is what happens when an argument about one small thing
becomes an argument about everything. For example, an argument about
whose turn it is to do the dishes, take out the garbage or change the
baby becomes an argument about always and never. When things really get
going, everything from the past gets dragged up again including old
disagreements and hurts, parents and in-laws and…the kitchen sink.
The problem with “kitchen sinking” is that the problem grows from a
relatively simple argument into an argument about everything. As a
result people get angry and frustrated and lose track of what the
dispute is really about. The solution to this problem is to recognize
kitchen sinking when it’s happening and to try to keep the dispute
focused on the specific situation. If one person can recognize kitchen
sinking when it’s happening and hold back from making the argument about
everything, then both people have a much better chance of being able to
focus on the specific problem at hand.
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