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14 years ago 0 30 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Yeah. Sometimes it is easier to type than talk. It's hard for me to talk without getting too emotional, but I can still type with tears coming down, as long as I'm not shaking too much.
His control was mostly mental. I was the youngest in the family, with two older brothers, so I was always on the outs. Like you said with your brother, he'd be nice when he wanted something from me, and ignore me otherwise. I bought into it, because I wanted to be liked. As it progressed, he'd convinced me that I'd get in a lot of trouble if I told, so I never did for two years. I guess in a twisted way he was right. I've had trouble from my mom for the rest of my life since I told. 

14 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Cori J

You know no one will judge you especially me. I'm 59 years old and I finally stood up to my brother. He used to beat on me till one day I almost shot him. I couldn't fight him he was bigger and tougher. When he found out I wouldn't take the physical abuse any more he switched to mental. He played a game where he was nice if he needed something and then cut me down after he got it. I'm not going to go on here because it will just bother me and you. It had a profound effect on me and two things changed that. One was breaking my leg and finding out how many people liked me and were willing to help, even people I hardly knew. The other was being sent to the psych ward for a mental rest. I had to go to the hospital for infection anyway so they put where it was the quietest. The psych ward. This was with the mild cases, no real crazies. We had to make our own beds, do our own laundry and eat together. There was only one TV that we had to share. Imagine, all of a sudden I'm with a lot of strangers and I'm a recluse. First came "hello" and then after a few days it was things like "if you're not going to eat that can I have it" and in a few more it was "I'm in here for -----." I now had a family that treated me like I was a human. A whole ward full of crazies and not one like my brother. I loved it. I didn't want to go home. But I did!! And it started all over again. I still phone a person I met there every night, we are each others anchor to reality. My brother is not welcome in my world any more unless he comes under my rules and he won't. I feel like I am going through a nasty divorce. But for the first time in 59 years I feel like I am totally free. I love it. I will never go back.
Have you ever sat down in a coffee shop with a bunch of friends and one of them you just don't get along with, and never will. What I do is be as pleasant as I can because, First I will not let them turn me into someone I'm not and Second because it is not what they want. They want to make me miserable and I won't let them. Guess who leaves the table with a smile. Yes,. You got it. You could try this with your mother. Be prepared to change the subject also so she can't drag you where you don't want to go. You will leave with positive thoughts instead of negative and it may even give you something to smile about for the rest of the day. A good councillor is worth his or her weight in gold. A luke warm one is not worth the trouble. You want to be treated like an individual with individual problems not a case from some book. If you're not comfortable with a woman try a man. A woman may be too much like dealing with your mother. I see a woman and I love all she has done for me and I want to pass on every thing I have learned. If you don't think you want to deal with any one face to face then talk to me. I'll listen and I monitor this site a few times each day when I have time.

Davit.
14 years ago 0 30 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
not sure. We bring my stepson over every week for piano lessons. For the most part I just put up a brick wall in my head and block her out. Our issues go way back. When I was about 10 or 11 my big brother started abusing me for about two years. When I finally got the courage to tell her, she refused any sort of counseling, and told me if I went, they would tear the family apart and into foster care. Her way of dealing with it was to pretend it never happened. or if I talked about it, it was my fault for letting him. sorry. this is hard for me to write.
anyways, by the time I was in my teens I was depressed, I hated myself, used to think about cutting, or suicide. Never did though. I'd withdrawn from everybody around me. I couldn't stand anyone touching me, even casually. I developed bad eating patterns that I still struggle with occasionally. and that's when I first started having panic attacks. 
I went to see a counselor at a church I attended at the time. That drove a bigger wedge between my mom and I. but it did help me deal with some of the issues I was having. I'm sure I could use more counseling but I'm not sure I'm ready to dig that deep just yet.
It was a little while after that I moved out. I was trying my hardest to come out of the hole, and she seemed determined to keep me in it. 
 
thanks for listening. I gotta go or I'll miss my bus to work.
14 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Cori J

Been there done that. But for me it was a Brother who I am happy to say I will no longer put up with. I look around and so much of my thought process and anxiety relates to him. He was making me feel so inferior and stupid and I most certainly am not.

So how are you going to handle this trigger?

Davit.
14 years ago 0 30 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
well I've figured out a definite trigger for my attacks. my mother has the capacity to stress me out more than any human alive. just the thought of talking to her gets my heart pounding. I hate confrontation, and I know there will be one around her. She wants to know what's wrong but she doesn't understand. To her, everything not happy is an attitude problem, or it's for attention - a temper tantrum. It got to the point a few years ago, where I moved out, and I couldn't talk to her for a year. We're talking again, but it's a shaky bridge we've built.
14 years ago 0 50 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Cori,
 
Talking definetly helps. Just being on this site everyday makes it seem like we are not alone in what we face. Keeping talking because it works wonders for your mood.
AMJ
14 years ago 0 224 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0


Hello Cori and welcome to the site!

Thank you for sharing your story with us, as you can see there are many people within this support group that have many of the same questions and concerns as you.

Have you had a chance to look through the Panic Program? This program is 12-weeks and each session is based on the previous session, so we strongly advise that you work slowly through the program and not jump ahead. It provides useful information that can help you deal with what you are going through.

Come back often and let us know how you are doing. There is always someone here ready to help or just listen.


Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator
14 years ago 0 420 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Welcome  Cori,
 
This site is the place to be for help and support. You are not alone in this.  Their are many of us out here with similar problems and we can get through this together.  Post often we are listening and we do care about each other.
 
Red
14 years ago 0 30 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you. That means a lot.

14 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Welcome Cori.

Definitely the right place. Feel free to say anything you want and to ask anything. We are here for you. To help or just listen.

Davit.

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