I have went through the loss of my son March 3, 2003 and my daughter May 2, 2007. Michael Lee would have been 6 and Eva Michelle would have been 2. I have experienced both depression/anxiety since both of my losses. I have one good week a month where there is no worrying, no fears. I have been experiencing horrible panic attacks recently, so bad that I have the fear that I am dying and possibly having a heart attack. It makes me scared to go to sleep in fear that I won't wake up the next morning. I have been in CBT and it helped me tremendously. My counselor stated that I no longer needed services and was no longer on any medications. I felt great and confident that I had overcame both. I have really rough periods because of endometriosis and can almost tell you exactly the day when my anxiety starts, when it will be at its worst then when I will be feeling "normal" again. It has been so "routine" and I have no idea how to get through this. I have been talking myself down from my anxiety in the past, but this week I had to take xanax. I stayed home and slept all day - Thanksgiving - of all days! That is not like me at all. I do have a lot of stress going on in my life currently. I broke up with my fiance in August and had raised his 4 young children for almost 2 years. He was emotionally abusive and I had to get out. I stayed for over a year to protect the kids, but then when it got to where he would yell at me in front of them I couldn't do it anymore - I had to get out. Losing the interaction with the kids has brought on my depression/anxiety and at the same time leaving him has brought me relief to be out of that situation. I go to court next week to ask the judge to make him give me my things back or the money value of them. Six months ago, I lost my only living Grandma, then 2 days ago I lost my Great Aunt and a close friend's father. Attending any funeral makes me re-live my past over and over again. It somehow triggers emotions that I must have held back and never grieved all the way through. Well this is my story and I hope that someday we can all find answers and relief from our problems!
