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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Lore,

Stay strong. Like you said, take small steps, keep working at it, and you will accomplish whatever it is you put your mind to

Don`t forget, we`re always here for you,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

The other day I couldn't even accomplish going to the library close by and borrow the things I wanted to borrow. I don't go out much and it was an attempt I do once a week but this time I got dizzy and light headed and I just didn't understand it anymore. I wondered what the point was to keep trying if I can't even accomplish going to the library close by. There are a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish but just because I am intimidated by my anxiety symptoms I can't do anything!!? is what I felt and I felt ashamed. I was doing just fine the other days and then boom,, one day I can't do something I just fall. I put so much pressure on myself... if only this, if only that. On those days, I'm always asking 'will I ever get better?' And I was able to vent about it and i realized how overwhelmed I am about all that I went through and I looked back at all that I've accomplished through those times too. I can't say I can completely understand your situation as a single mother and all your certain experiences you dealt with but I believe that you've seemed to have accomplished many things like anxiety before too. Keep taking small steps and keep believing, that's how I feel better.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Your not alone Carmen!

I really felt your pain while reading your post. You are such a strong and responsible mother for getting your kids involved with that group. They won't understand now but when they look back they will be proud of how well you are handling your anxiety.

I wish I could give you an easy solution but as you know mental illness takes a lot of hard work to cope. Definitely being on this site will be good for you. Read, read, read. Make sure you complete the program.

It seems to me that you really value your independence and personal strength. So I know this must be extremely difficult for you. I have a few questions for you to think about and reply to....

If you did not have the anxiety how would you change your life? What would you do differently and what would you do the same?

If a loved one was experiencing the same as you. What would you tell them?

Ashley

Here to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Hello again and thank you for the welcomes,

During my recovery years ago it was helpful for me to talk with others that had gone through the same thing. I was part of a panic group. You can appreciate how hard it was for me to get to that group as I had the agoraphobia.

I am finding that the last couple of days have been good days... I started to fall the other day and went against my stubborn nature to take an ativan. I was angry because Ii was looking forward to testing the waters and going to a function. The minute I walked in, I felt my head get tight. I couldn't focus or see straight. I felt panicky and unable to concentrate. I tried to do my breathing and yes I got through about an hour. I guess I should celebrate. I left there though crying, miserable, feeling defeated and a real mess.

For me, I feel I am starting to see the light now. I have to focus on finding even a small amount of joy each day. Otherwise the world looks too dark and scary. When its good, I feel I can achieve anything. When I am having an episode or bad day I feel so sad, so crazy and so angry and scared that I will never ever get better.

Will I get better???? Do others relate?

It's hard to do this again. I don't want to be in this place. I don't want to wake up in the morning and my first though be "will I sleep tonight?" That's crazy! I don't want to do that. I don't want to worry irrationally and be unable to shut it off. I hate that.

My children are enrolled in a group starting this month for kids whose parents struggle with mental illness. While they are not abused or neglected, I know it is hard for them and I know that the relapse that started last December along with the other events have been difficult.

Anyhow, can anyone relate???? I feel alone today. I have to attempt to go back to work on Tuesday. That scares me. As a single mom I don't get to get well on the time limit needed. Advice?????

Carmen

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Nice to meet you Carmen,

I've been absent from this site for a while but always find support here, and I hope you do too.

I always find that when I'm depressed I can't imagine what it's like when i was happy and when i'm good, I can't imagine what it's like when I'm depressed. I know what you mean when I want my past life again. I'm sorry you had to go through such overwhelming experiences. You deserve a lot of time for the shock and struggle you went through. Welcome to the site.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Carmen,

Thanks for sharing and welcome to the forums!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Carmen,

Welcome to the boards and thank you for sharing your story.

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. During times of higher stress, do not forget to look after yourself. You mentioned that you miss consistency. Is this something that was needed when you overcame your panic/agoraphobia 13 years ago? During that time, what else contributed to you successfully coping with your fears? Was there a certain book you read or a certain person you spoke to that helped in your recovery? Perhaps by reflecting on how you coped 13 years ago, you could try some of those strategies now when you begin to feel more anxious.

Lack of sleep can also have huge effects on other areas of your life. During more difficult times, allow yourself the time to relax and this may improve your sleeping difficulties. You also mentioned in your post that sometimes, it can be difficult for you to parent. Is there anyone you are able to ask to help you with your children? Make sure to reach out to those you trust during all of this.

Members, what other advice can you offer to Carmen?

Please continue to post Carmen and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you!

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Hi everyone,

Today is a good day so I am able to take the time to post. I am a relapser. I had panic/anxiety/agoraphobia about 13 years ago and I managed to overcome it enough to function in my life and do pretty good. I worked hard as a counsellor for pregnant and suffering teens, was self employed for 10 years teaching prenatal classes and running a daycare.

You would think that would give me hope....Today it does. Yesterday not so much.

Last year I went to college full time, separated from my husband of 14 years, formed a new relationship, became pregnant, found out my baby had died halfway through my pregnancy, delivered her still born, developed an infection, had a D&C (my huge fear...anesthesia...lack of control) and as a result of ALLLLL of that, I have been off work since December and suffering.

Some days are good. Today for example I feel ok. Yesterday and the day before, were awful. Panic, overwhelming fear that I was losing my mind, hours of crying with depression thinking I will never get better.

It seems I do ok for a few days then crash for a few days. I know that in recovery that is what can happen. But each episode of the panic attacks, fears etc scare me so much. I feel crazy. I feel I can't parent. I am scared of everything around me. I don't trust anyone or anything. I cry. I don't sleep. I worry, worry, worry...

Anyhow, I am a mom to 2 beautiful children...I miss my life. I miss consistency and being ok....Today I am ok. Praying it lasts. Thanks everyone for allowing me to introduce myself and share my story. I am supposed to go back to work part time on the 10th. Scary....

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