Get the Support You Need

Learn from thousands of users who have made their way through our courses. Need help getting started? Watch this short video.

today's top discussions:

logo

Addiction

Lynn123

2024-03-27 3:02 PM

Managing Drinking Community

logo

New Year's Resolutions

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-03-25 2:47 AM

Managing Drinking Community

logo

Water

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-03-17 5:24 PM

Healthy Weight Community

logo

What motivates you?

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-03-10 10:30 PM

Quit Smoking Community

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

DM555 3 3

Browse through 411.742 posts in 47.053 threads.

160,431 Members

Please welcome our newest members: Jgorilla, anna13, CCaballero, JJAY EVANGEL, VKATE DARLENE

Wife and I had a miscarrige


5 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Welcome rb23,

I am very sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I am also very sorry to hear the strain that it has put on your relationship. I am sure it is very scary and hurtful to hear your wife say she may not want to be married anymore. Miscarriages can be extremely difficult on a couple. I can hear that your wife is very hurt and upset and she also seems very angry with you. But I also hear that you are also very hurt and you feel remorseful for not taking the actions your wife wanted when you both were going through all this. The truth is people make mistakes but you two can get passed this by joining together. Openly discuss feelings, apologize and create a plan to mend the hurt feelings or at least prevent them in the future. You may want to go to couple's counselling to work through this.  

I think it is also essential for you to continue with treatment for depression. Depression in a relationship can cause a lot of strain on both individuals. Do you think you will need more treatment to recover from this stress? What are your thoughts on all this?
Ashley, Health Educator
5 years ago 0 2 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks all for listening this is going to be a long post and I hope it makes sense. I have been depressed for a fair amount of years now and have been on anti-depressents a few times but since this miscarrage and turmoil with my wife it has been really hard on me, not to mention her as well. I do not claim to be a 100% perfect husband or person but this is the story from my point of view. 


My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 years just about and finally about 10 weeks ago we finally did. When my wife showed me the positive pregnancy test I froze and didn't seem overly excited (I want to add that I have also been fighting with depression for years). I know that I was but the 2nd I seen that test all these things started to rush my head on how are we going to afford it and our child care is going to be going up etc. After that initial shock was gone I was extremely excited about everything. It brought back all the memories of me feeling the baby kick in my wife's stomach, the 1st time I held my 1st little girl. All that came rushing back and I loved those memories.

So after she took 3 positive tests my wife booked an appointment with her Dr and got it again confirmed that she was pregnant. She was getting all the symptoms and everything that came with being pregnant. Then one evening she was having a cramp on the right side, which see got on the 1st pregnancy and she thought she was getting a bladder infection. We went to the drs office and did some tests and then sent us for an ultrasound. As we were looking at the ultra sound I could see the screen and the tech was looking and measuring the yolk sack and I could see that it was empty compared to the 1st time we seen one with our 1st kid. She kept moving it around and I kept hoping that they would find something but deep down inside I realized that it was a miscarriage. After it was over I was trying to stay positive for my wife and hoping that I was wrong and it was just too small to see anything at the time. A few days pass and has another dr's appointment and they confirm that she had a miscarriage and send her for another ultrasound to see how it is progressing out. Me being the idiot that I am I take her to her appointment and drop her off and head back to work leaving her all alone to deal with this alone. After this ultrasound we get an appointment with another Dr who is going to proceed to tell us how to do a D&C. I go to that appointment with her and that was on a thursday. The next day he preforms it. I take her to the hospital and get her all situated and she is taken to the ER. I head back to work as they said I couldn't do much and they would call me when she is ready to come out. They phone I go and pick her up and take her home. I dropped her off and took her inside. i decide to go back to work as she is pretty groggy and really tired still, so I thought I would let her rest without anyone bothering her. I guess that was another mistake as she felt like I had abandoned her. But in my mind I thought I was doing the right thing as I was hoping this was all a dream. During this time from the time we found out about the miscarriage to now she has barley talked to me.

We finally talked this past Monday and it didn't go well. She told me that she doesn't think she wants to be married to me anymore and that she needs her space. I deep down don't think that is the 100% truth because when we got married she said she would do anything to fight for our marriage to keep it going at all costs. She never showed any signs of these feelings before and it devastates me that she feels this way now as it now feels like I have lost 2 people in my life. I have been trying to keep my distance from her but also trying to help her. I don't want to abandoned her as I know this is an extremely tough time for her as well. I love her so much and have been married to her for 12 years and together for 15. So for this to just end like this is devastating.

I know I haven't been the perfect husband during this situation and don't claim to be but I just don't know what to do anymore. She won't talk to me she barley wants to be in the same room with me and feels repulsed and disgusted by me.

I heart is broken into a million pieces and I just wish I could turn back time and do things differently. I think I was in shock and didn't want it to be true as I know how hard we were trying to have another baby. I'm not sure if any of you have went through this type of situation but i'm to the point where I don't know if I can continue on anymore. All my efforts feel useless and seem to end up hurting me more then helping.

Anyways enough ramblings. I hope this makes sense as I'm sure I missed some things but i just needed to get this off my chest.

Thank you!


Reading this thread: