When have you used these problematic ways of communicating?
Mind Reading
Mind reading is what happens when you assume that you know what another person is thinking and feeling. Mind reading is often a problem in long-term relationships because after we get to know another person really well, we can start to fool ourselves into thinking that we know what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling. Mind reading can become a big problem because when you mind read you’re assuming that you know what another person is feeling and thinking when you do not. As you can imagine, this can be a big problem in depression because depressed people tend to see the worst in situations and assume the worst from others.
When people feel that their needs are not being met in a relationship, they start to assume that the other person is only looking after their own needs and is generally unhappy in the relationship. If you’re mind reading in this way it makes it hard to see any communication as being positive because you can always imagine that the other person is only trying to get what they want (try a Thought Record on that one!). Mind reading is usually a mistake. An important part of being assertive is being able to ask for clarification and feedback about what other people are thinking and feeling, as well as what they want and need.
When in doubt about what somebody is thinking or feeling, ask! Mind reading is bad for your health!
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