Penguin
Thank You
I do need to take time every day and be still, breath.
My brain has always gone a mile a minute and I do tend to go on tangents. My clarity for the day is to keep my eye on the goal.
Keep about my daily activities and find out what the learning is in this moment.
The journey really is the destination, the pleasure is in getting there. Taking each moment as they happen.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 789
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52
Coping.
I don't want my life to be about coping, what do I want. I want my life to be joyful and grounded. There is a place here where I have a hard time getting anywhere close to feeling grounded, strong, sure of myself. Truth is I am not sure of myself and I don't know when I will be.
For the past 30 some odd days in order to come close to being grounded I constantly have to go to other areas of my life and look at the
success I have there. G-D help me if I look even momentarily at a place where I think that I have failed. So I need to constantly be bouying myself up. I find myself floating in a place where I am "faking it" telling my self that this will be successful and that I will get through. This faking thing I know is only momentary and I will get through.
Yes, I will get through. I wish this was quicker and it's not. My experience says there are a lot of different physical elements to get used to and this will take time. I know, I know I am always so impulsive I want everything right away. Be patient, calm down, breath.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 788
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26
There are lots of examples of success here on the site. Good, watch them, look at how they are doing, find their posts see if they went through the same thing. Oh my G-d they actualy go through the same thing, and I will go through the same thing. There are stages and there are steps and I very much need to let the proccess happen.
There is that impulsive and controlling thing again I want it my way and I want it now.
I have to tell myself to get real, the way that the addict says I want it is to have it the old way, and there are deadly side effects to the way that the addict would have it. The other part of me says try the new way, try the way that you imagine it might be. This way is healthy and you will live longer and you will be ... . Sometimes this conversation that happens in me is like telling a little kid to eat their vegetables. Sometimes I am that little kid and I want to do all of the nasty things that kids do with food they don't like. and I will be good. I won't do anything that I am is bad.
I guess I am lazy because I would like for this to be easy, and it is not easy and really I am not lazy. (Those nasty old patterns, lazy = wanting it easy, now that is just B.S.) Truth be told I am more active in my life and taking myself to a new level today that I have been in several years.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 788
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48
Quitting smoking is taking a lot of energy, perhaps too much time and energy is going into thi. Quitting smoking is taking more energy than I have put into anything except, school. Now that is not quit true, I spent 4 years training, two years looking for the right kind of work, three years retraining, 16 years figuring out that that didn't work 4 years retraining, 2 years establishing. WoW there are things in my life that have actually been more indirect, more complicated than quitting smoking. And I was committed to working at something that I enjoy and something that is relevant and a whole bunch more the key thing was that I was willing to go through all of that becaue I was committed to having something in my life a particular way.
My commitment right now is to quit smoking and give myself a new life a life free of smoke, and body free of the toxins contained in the smoke.
There is an absolute simplicity here:
(commitment)
Quit
(action)
Stop Smoking
(perseverance, Long term action)
Never ever ever smoke again.
(Long term goal)
Get my life back
(long term reward)
Live healthy and long
(ultimate final end)
Create joy.
Hmmmmm My daily thought.
Isn't that convoluted.
And there it is.
Simple version
25 words or less.
Find the committment,
find the action,
carry out the action,
get the reward.
AND DON'T LISTEN TO ALL THE BULL SHIT ADDICT THOUGHTS.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 788
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
Sorry about the strange post today and for some reason, the writting would not post in any way. I think I had a pair of brackets that the ioperating system thought was somekind of HTML coda.
Blaghhh
I am here I haven't smoked and I am looking at my goals and rewards, rather than simply coping.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 788
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21
Lady
Thanks. You are a rock. Thanks for being there and solid.
Phillip
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 39
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 791
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $292.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24
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