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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

don't put expectations on yourself to do anymore than you feel capable of, just be.

Well, I'm sitting here in tears after reading these...

I am so very, very tired..

i'll take your advice and just be for awhile

I do need a break

i do a tiny bit of living

ty

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

thank you all for your kindness...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Take the Challenage

The most positive thing in my life at the moment is the safety of this place and knowing someone is always here...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

These are disturbing thoughts.

I am feeling so lost. Embarrassed. The depression has been really bad this week, but suddenly anxiety is building and building and building. I don't really get panic attacks.... just this awful build up of anxiety. I was doing so well, you know.... I was. And then I fell down and it happened so suddenly, it feels like I just stepped off solid ground into an abyss. I know in my head that I have to do the work, stay grounded, be aware... but I think I got way ahead of myself thinking I was near cured or something. The earthquake in New Zealand has thrown me for a loop... I thought all my earthquake "issues" were done with. A soldier from our town died in Afghanistan... I thought I was beyond all this grief. I was going out of the house everyday to pickup and deliver the kids. I had even started running errands with the baby along. Now they have to come to me because I just feel so overwhelmed by everything... everything. I feel scraped raw....

baby's awake gotta go.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

I am grateful for baby naps...

I can come read and re-read the wisdom shared here.

I am borrowing Davit's words to say over and over and over.

I am still progressing slowly. I'm functional, I can do the things I need to do but now I find I can do some of the things I want to. It can only get better, and every little slip now is just a reminder that I do not have to live the way I used to.

There is anxiety still... but it is not growing. The pressure on my chest is lessening. I'm breathing again.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

Davit,

Speaking of therapists... congratulations on the hard work you have done to be free not only from the panic/anxiety, but from the therapist too. Not that therapists are necessarily bad... it just has to be such an amazing milestone to reach that point. I did get an appointment with my therapist next week and am grateful for her availability and grateful as well to be able to come here for help hanging on until I meet with her.

You wrote:

If you accept that it is going to come and go you will be okay.

You did it before, you can do it again.

I definitely think that is what tripped me up... expecting it to not come back (at least not at the same triggers!). I have been doing this a long time. A very long time and fall prey to thinking that each new thing I try is going to completely change who I am, what my history is, and to what I react. I'm not sure I was consciously aware of having that expectation. It sure sets me up to feel disgusted with myself for, once again, "failing to do it right" and, as you noted, hopelessness rushes in to overwhelm.

Thanks for being here.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Take the Challenage

I went and got my first pedicure ever... my toenails are purple! I was very nervous about going.... but I did it and it was wonderful :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

Red wrote:

I just want to say that .... I am also free. I don't really fit in here now..

If this means you will be leaving, I think you should know you would be greatly missed.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Something disturbing

Keeping the faith

Thank you so much for the inspiration!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

relaxation

Beautifully said Juanita! I too can so relate...

Your painting is amazing. I'm with Davit, not what I expected from water colors.... very bright, very striking. You SHOULD be proud of this accomplishment. Also the getting it resized and posted. You inspire me!

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