Thanks so much for your supportive comments guys. It means a lot to have support especially when you fail and fail l have....too many times to count.
Im toughing it out on day 3 and thinking about smoking....a lot. I feel an essential part of me is missing and if l could just smoke one everything would feel right again. I know its normal to feel this way in the beginning but l just want to speed up time to a place where l wont feel like lm constantly missing something. My cravings are being subdued by my nicotine spray and lots of mental activity. I went a bit OCD yesterday with a list of things l needed to do including hours on the computer and l didnt rest until l did them all. It wasnt good of me to be so hard on myself because by the end of it all my stress was elevated and l felt like a smoke to calm down. I went through the ashtray to get the dreggs of tabacco from old butts....such a disgusting task but a ritual of quitting for me. I rolled a dirty old stale cigarette and smoked it. It was over so quickly that it wasnt even worth it. I was ready for the next one.
I cant continue to give up quitting because l dont want to put myself through withdrawals anymore. Its a crazy thing to do and lm sick of always being in the early stages of quitting. I want to reach the other side where theres no more danger.
Hi Stella. The weekend was not too bad overall. I find that lm not thinking about smoking as much as l thought l would but l definitely feel like lm missing something important. I feel a bit lost, not myself...all of those feelings that come with quitting. Every so often l think 'its time for a smoke now'....then l remember l dont smoke anymore and l feel disappointed even depressed. I really feel like lm missing a friend. I find when l leave the house l crave more than usual especially when l see smokers. I suppose in time these feelings will pass but time is dragging more than ever. I just cant give up on this one. I was sooo sick of being a smoker and sooo sick of trying to quit over and over. I think l hate those feelings more than l hate the feelings lm having now. At least these feelings will pass but if l continue to smoke l'll be miserable about it til it kills me.
Thanks Stella and Tim. Stella thats really good psychology to label the feelings....thanks for that advice. Im going to use that. Youve been a plethora of great advice for me. Ive taken mental note of so many things youve written. Tim l like the way you see nicotine as the ultimate enemy. Im going to try to think of it the same way rather than feeling like its an old friend. I do believe there are demons involved in addiction and the nicodemon is a lingering one. Thanks to you both....your support is invaluable.
Its day 7....much further than lve ever made it. Yesterday l had a bit of a crisis. Something really hurtful happened to me. I was crying about it and l just felt like l needed cigarettes to soothe me. I was debating whether l should get them or not. I was thinking why not? Whats the point to all this struggle? I can start again after l just smoke one more pack, l really really want one and need one right now, l cant make it through these times without a smoke. Thoughts of smoking kept whirling through my mind and l cried about not having them. I had to distract myself from the pain l was feeling so l made a coffee and sat outside. After l calmed down l was soooo immensely grateful that l didnt give in. It took about 45mins from the time l wanted to smoke to the time l was grateful l hadnt. It tested me and l realised these are the storms l have to weather and the whole situation would have been a lot worse if l had given in to temptation. Im beginning to be able to have a stressful/upsetting situation and not react to it with smoking which is something l definitely could not do before. Im so thankful l didnt cave. My mind is constantly being reconditioned. Someone wrote and l love this "Trigger moments are reconditioned by a single encounter the subconscious doesnt receive the expected result -nicotine. Embrace each episode as each reflects a beautiful moment of subconscious healing"
Thats such bollocks. Your intention is to quit the act of smoking and you have. Once you have control of that you can tackle the nicotine. The smoking is the hard part....once youve done that the nicotine will be a cinch. Dont let others trivialize the great thing youre doing.
Welcome to this site. At least you know you are capable of quitting and staying quit and you dont smoke many a day. I know the addiction is still tough but at least you wont be coming off a big amount of nicotine. Just keep thinking how much better youll feel without having to sneak around behind your familys back. Family is the best motivator. I wish you success and keep us posted.
Great to hear youre still going with this quit. It sounds like your head is in the right space to get this done. Im on day 9 and l can relate to the morning cravings. Its a matter of occupying the mind so it doesnt get influxed with thoughts of smoking. I saw you wrote that you are starting to have periods of time when you dont think of smoking at all. Its a really winning feeling isnt it. Im starting to feel that way also and l didnt think it would come so soon. I dont want to count chickens because l know its early days and lm wary of things that could knock me off my perch but l am enjoying the feeling when l realise lve gone for hours without thinking of smoking....its wonderful.
Congratulations!!! Thats so fantastic. Your family must be so proud of you. Isnt it an amazing feeling to not be poisoning yourself anymore. I was becoming quite worried about my health so its such a relief to know youre not doing anything to compromise it anymore. Soldier on and reward yourself for your 2 week milestone.
Im soooo happy lve made it this far and l have no reason to think l wont continue. After putting in all the hard work of week 1 l dont want to have to do it all over again. I will never be a content smoker. If l were to smoke l will always be someone who wants to or is trying to quit. I understand why they call this heck week. My progress has really plateued. Im not getting any better or worse. I want to reach a point where l know lm safe but l guess l have to give it time. Its quite frustrating because the days roll by and l dont feel major progress. Maybe lm selling myself short because its progress to say that l cant see myself going back to smoking. The part lm frustrated about is still having the nagging feeling that lm missing something. I guess a 26 year addiction isnt going to go away that easily. Triggers are mornings and evenings, stress and boredom. Occupying my mind is the biggest help and l dont think l could have got this far without my nicotine spray. Its a crutch l know but whatever works. Im still so happy and grateful lve made it here. Its the best thing lve done in a long time. Giving up an addiction is such an amazing thing. I wish l had done this sooner.
Im so sorry about your grandson. I hope he gets well very soon. You must be going through a very rough time so very well done for making 2 weeks. Its not an easy thing and youve survived the hardest part....now its just a matter of continuing what youre doing. Youre very strong and detremined to be able to do this with your husband smoking near you. It cant be easy. Maybe you will inspire him to quit also. As you know the first couple of weeks is the hardest and you made it. Give yourself a reward. Im mid way through my second week and l know that the thoughts of smoking linger but in time they will fade. Youve got 2 big pluses on your side - youre educated about this and youve done it before so you know you can do it again.
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