EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by K13

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by K13

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi there

Hi! I'm K13. I suffer from pretty chronic depression, and right now I'm in a bad dip, so I'm trying this website out. I'm only a few weeks away from what should be my last semester of college (if things could only go right), so I'm in a real big transition period right now, and I think that's making things worse. The first and other time I really had severe depression was during my senior year of high school and freshman year of college, so I think there might be a similar connection now. I just don't know what's going to happen to me at this point. The situation looks bleak.

I've just started the program, and am trying hard to be patient. Everything else in my life, with this whole senior year wrapping up, seems to be screaming, "GET IT DONE NOW!!!" but I suppose getting into this slowly is better than nothing or rushing, too.

I'm a little reluctant about online forums as well as overwhelmed with work so I probably won't be around too much, but maybe I'll catch some of you around on here sometimes! Thanks for reading.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Does anyone experience this?

I know what you mean about waking up in a bad mood. Sometimes I just wake up, and immediately feel horrible without any provocation. Especially after good times, sometimes I feel despair that they aren't meant to last, or that the good day I had is done. I don't know if sleeping/dreaming can also bring up some things from the subconscious that trigger these feelings.

I also understand when you talk about getting used to feeling cruddy, or okay at best. Sometimes I forget that maybe I'm really sad and upset until I see how other people act. I feel trapped in my own little solemn bubble, and it's hard to remember that maybe things aren't supposed to feel that way all the time.

I guess that's why complaining can be good, with action. There are problems that need to be brought up, even if they aren't easy or quick to change. It's just really draining when things don't get better soon enough, but it's good you pay attention to your problems so you can have the chance to identify them and make them better.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Bursts of anger

I've been having a lot of trouble lately with losing my temper when I'm trying to complete a task, and something goes wrong. I don't know, every little downside in my life lately has just felt crushing and unbearable, and it's spread to even simple things. Like if I can't figure out what to do to get a homework assignment done, sometimes I lose it. I have to go somewhere as private as possible to take out my frustration by slamming things around or punching/kicking at a wall, which sometimes ends up causing physical pain for myself as well. I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally hurt myself or cause damage to whatever I'm taking my anger out on.

Does anybody else have something like this, where when even little things go wrong, it triggers something like that? Any advice on good ways to get the frustration out? Sometimes if I can I step outside and walk with my ipod playing angry music, though that only helps a little bit. I just feel like I physically have to get it out somehow. I can't contain it after a certain point.

I think these bursts are largely caused from school on top of depression; I'm under a lot of pressure right now, and I've had this angry cloud over my head for weeks, reminding me of all the work I have to get done and I don't have a clue how that's gonna happen. I can barely keep up after time lost and time I still lose because of depression itself; a break right now will only put me further behind and the pressure that much worse.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Bursts of anger

Thanks for replying! I tried to make note of what I was thinking when getting angry today, but I was having trouble. My mind gets real clouded when I get that angry. I think what goes through my head is that I'm getting frustrated with what I'm doing, but I can't walk away from it (especially in the case of homework), because I have to meet my deadlines. Like a trapped kind of feeling. And I kind of think, "Why is everything going wrong?!"

I don't know, I also wonder if maybe when I'm feeling depressed, but I can't mope because I have to do some sort of work or task, that negative energy kind of turns to anger instead. Usually this isn't a problem for me, but it's been happening a lot the past couple weeks since my depression got worse, so I do think it's related.

I agree that getting to the trigger or root would be helpful. I might try to start giving myself even just a few minutes here and there to step out of work mode throughout the day and just listen to some calm music or silence and breathe. Like little mini-meditation sessions or something. =) Maybe that'll help to stop the problem before it happens.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Group Discussion on Session 1

I have some trouble keeping it on hand sometimes, too, especially with trying to make sure that no one would find it. I try to keep it with me, though, because sometimes when I try to put things in afterward, my current mood can influence my outlook on things from earlier in the day.

I'm able to fold it up and keep it in my jeans pocket all right; I'm a girl, but not too big on carrying my purse around a lot, so I don't really use that. Being a student, though, I'm fortunately able to keep it in my book bag during the day as well.

Maybe you could use a smaller scrap of paper to put in your pocket and just jot a note down real quick to transcribe on the real thing later on? Do you have a wallet you could just put a little slip of paper in? Writing a quick note on a little piece of scrap paper might not be so conspicuous, too, if there are other people around. Good luck keeping track!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Art Therapy for core beliefs?

I don't know if this has to do with core beliefs, but you could say I'm doing art therapy right now. I've been drawing comics about all my life, and I recently started this one where this character from my comic about an alien super hero team gets sick with depression, and it gets to the point where the metaphors I get for the way I feel when I'm depressed become literal for the character in this storyline. For instance, I kind of feel a bit like I'm turning into a monster when my depression is bad, something different than what I normally am, and this literally happens to the character, toward the second half. Like he starts losing control over himself as that other side takes over.

A lot comes from doing this. I'm really artistic so making a comic like this helps me to get things out, other than just relating how I feel through words. Like I kind of express my feelings through that character, without having to reflect too much on my specific circumstances. It also even kind of gives me a glimpse of what it might be like for other people around me to see me depressed, which I wasn't really expecting. It's very dramatic right now because I'm still in the middle of the plotline, but I expect it might make me feel better or hopeful once I finally get to the happy ending in the comic. And I love making art that really expresses something I'm feeling strongly, because that's what turns out best. As much as I don't like the "dramatic" times in my life, sometimes that's when I make the best art. And it gives me something to feel excited about when I'm making something awesome.

So yeah, definitely recommend it if you're on the artsy side, especially. It really can be expressive and even enlightening, though it can be pretty hard to want to make art when you're feeling low. A lot of my projects have gone neglected for a while now.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Bursts of anger

The mini-meditation sessions have been working well so far! I was skeptical about the idea of it (when I first got to this website, I didn't think there was a chance I'd do something like meditating), but it really does help to just shut out the world for even a few minutes and just take in some good, deep breaths of air. I can actually feel my body soaking up all that oxygen. I want to do that at least three times a day (morning, afternoon, night).

Also, I think the program's helping, in general. I'm still on week one, but already I'm paying attention to a lot of things I've been squelching down for a while now. It reminds me that just because it's crunch time with school, doesn't mean there aren't other things going on in my life that need attention, too. So I feel a little more motivated to just tell that academic pressure to back off.

I'll try to break things down, too, take things one at a time. I've got so many different things due for my classes right now, I always remember at least a couple assignments every day that I'd forgotten about, and that can really make things feel like they're all hitting me at once. But I guess the bottom line is that they can only get done one at a time. Thanks for that suggestion, I'll try to keep it in mind! :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi there

Thanks for welcoming me, Samantha and Strength! The boards are pretty nice; it's good to have a chance to share some things here that are not so easy to share with people offline. And good to read about everybody else's experiences, too!

I'm working to stick with the program; hope all goes well!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Group Discussion on Session 1

I'm a bit curious, does anybody have any tips for how to rate depression levels on the activity tracker? The whole number system is starting to psyche me out a bit. I have a thing about overanalyzing things, and I think I confused myself! Like it's very relative. I get reluctant to put higher numbers if I have a lot more room to go downhill with how I'm feeling, but then I think I've been putting lower numbers than what may be accurate the past couple days because it seems from them that I should feel fine but I don't. It's just that I've had very severe depression before, so I know how low it can get, and I feel bad marking my current depression levels anywhere near that. So if I mark it high, I feel guilt for even comparing how I feel now to how bad I've had depression before, but if I mark low, then I feel like I don't really have much to complain about right now and I should suck it up. Sorry, I'm complicating things!!!

I'm trying to come up with my own little definitions for the different number ranges (like 0-10 ranges from feeling pretty good to cautiously good, etc.), so hopefully that will help, but I was curious if anyone else had any ideas or ways of comparing that work for them. I mean, I really do understand why the number system is in place, because depression is a little different for everyone. I'm just overthinking it. >_< I don't know if anyone's familiar with the Brian Regan comedy act about not knowing what to rate his pain as in the hospital, but it's kinda like that!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

wake up call

<hugs>

I hope you're proud that you're back and willing to start up again! Especially in the case of this program, it's something that takes a lot of time and expecting full attention to it the whole time is probably not realistic. I'm sure falling out of the swing of things from time to time is more normal than not.

Anyway, I totally know what you mean by drifting out of something, then having to come back. I usually get real down about something like that, so that's why I admire you for realizing it and being ready to get back into the program. I'm in crunch time with school stuff right now myself, and it's definitely the kind of thing that pushes everything else aside.

Good luck getting back on track and everything! :) Just be patient with yourself.

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved