Sick and tired of panicking
Hello everyone.
This is my first experience with a group setting, so forgive me if I break some common conventions.
A couple of years ago, as I tried to cut back on my excessive drinking, I was rewarded with periodic low-level anxiety. Mostly, it was due to being away from a restroom... I think this came from a few occasions where I was driving, and had to make an urgent stop somewhere to use the restroom. From there, I started to develop a phobia of being away from a restroom while out and about.
From what I understand, and have read, this is pretty textbook agoraphobia.
It's now gotten to the point where if I'm not going to/from work, I get varying levels of anxiety and/or panic, depending on how long of a drive it will be to get to the destination. Generally, I tend to be ok once I arrive at my destination, and on my way home from the destination. Lately, the "coming home" part has been triggering anxiety and panic, too, however.
One of the hardest things for me is that I have three kids, 8 months, two years, and five years old. The two oldest, my boys, want to go places (and my wife wants us all to go places together), and I have been unable to, just locking myself in my house on the weekends. This culminated on Saturday with missing a baseball game that I promised I'd take my son to :( My wife and mother-in-law ended up taking him instead, but it was heartbreaking for me. It's become clear that I need to step up my efforts to beat this thing. Today, I have to board a train after work to travel 45 minutes away (because I don't want to drive) for my wife's grandmother's memorial service. I cannot miss this; I would be letting down my wife in such a huge way...
So here I am, doing whatever I can on my own (ie: without drugs) to fix this. I am seeing a psychiatrist, trying to figure out what the heck to take that will work. Currently, I'm on 50 mg of Zoloft, but it doesn't seem to be working for me. I have an appointment on Wednesday to see what we can do. I've been on Paxil (NEVER AGAIN), Effexor, Lexapro, and now Zoloft. I also have Xanax for emergencies, but lately, everything seems like an emergency. However, I am well aware of the potential for addiction/abuse with Xanax, so I really try to limit my use of it. I think I will talk to him about going on Celexa, or going back to Lexapro (on a higher dose), and seeing what helps.
I'm starting to feel a sense of despair, thinking about being like this for the rest of my life. I absolutely cannot live like this any longer.
Anyway, hello to you all. I'm going to start reading through the sessions, as well as going through my Anxiety and Phobia Workbook that I have, and hopefully, things will start to turn around...
