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Posts created by sunhot23

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

My setback

Thanks everyone,

setbacks are totally a learning experience, what i learn? that anxiety isn't going to kill me lol. i dont know how many times ive thought i was dying in the last year. anyways i am going to try and sleep without the aid of sleeping pills tonight for the first time in 2 months.

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

negativity at home

today i was super excited, i bought an electronic drum set; compared to an acoustic drum set it really doesn't make much noise. as soon as i walked into my house both my parents starting hissing at me and calling me an idiot. i ignored them. i set it up in the back corner of the basement as far away as i could possibly put it from my parents and tested it out. i had my sister play it and went into the family room, u could only hear it if the tv was on mute and it wasn't loud; however, after about 10 minutes my mum coming flying down the stairs and gave me an earful, calling me a loser etc..

since this happened i've had a lot of time to reflect on my childhood. i'm not going to say my parents are bad parents, but compared to other peoples parents they seem devoid of positivity. i've always been the black sheep of the family, being east indian and listening to heavy metal music made sure of that, but i was always loved and accepted by all members of my family except my parents who seemed ashamed of me. my father always made me the butt of his jokes to make himself look funny, and the first time my parents seemed to show any support for me emotionally was when i had a mental breakdown and even then i had threaten suicide before i was taken seriously, that was only 8 weeks ago, now its back to being bashed...i mean who calls someone who just got out of a mental health clinic an effing idiot?

i asked my mum once to name 5 things that made me happy...she got one right, i love music (obvious as i own 5 guitars) couldnt even get to number two. i grew up on unhealthy foods, processed meats and microwave dinners, i subconciously call my best friends mother 'mum' because she treats me like a son. im worried about my younger sister as she obviously is going through the same thing, but i dont feel close enough to her to talk to her.

i think i have to move out, i owe money to the bank but i think i can work around that. the negativity that stems from my parents is seriously painful and if i look back at my life i think i have wanted to move out since i was 8 years olds. 18 years later im still here, depressed and anxious looking for hope.

thanks for letting me rant, i feel better already

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

negativity at home

hey everybody , thank you all for your support. this website is totally rad

in a sense ive been quite lucky, imy parents have supported me financially through school, i only took out half the student loans and they paid the rest and i have freedom to go out and do what ever i want. but unlike most ppl in my culture i dont need these things to be happy, i just want someone to say well done or give me a hug without me being in a hospital. for example when i graduated from electrical engineering, all i got was 'about time' and 'you should have got a better mark' instead of 'congratulations on passing a program that has a 65% dropout rate'.

@ debi, i have post it notes all over my room and car with positive affirmations, in fact i was out with my sister and her friends tonight, they all love the fact i play music,

@ sunny I, i need to finish a couple of certificate course, should take about 4 months. i promise i wont slack

@ davit. your apples and oranges analogy is brilliant, i might use it (i have a CBT group therapy once a week), with some careful planning i could definetely move out aand be self sufficient

@ loves trees i think my parents tried their hardest, i do believe that they are providing more then they ever got so that is good, im sure if i have children i will provide the most i can but it still wont be enough, i do try and have as much fun and laughter in my life as possible, which is why i am soooo rateful for my (small) circle of frirnds

@ juanita i do have people i can talk to, friends, etended family, i have a therapist and do group therapy. and i know i always have you guys!!

You people are wonderful!!!!!

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

Ativan

debi,

ativan is incredibly physically addictive. after just a few days, your body will adapt and use the ativan to perform its normal daily routine, so when u remove even a part of your regular dose, your body is wondering what happened and tries to find ways to cope.this is probably what your symptons are. you should always talk to your doctor when adjusting ur medication.

when i weaned myself off of ativan, the doctor prescribe clonazapam as a replacement for ativan and weaned me off that. but i did also feel the light headedness and nauseau.

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

An interesting exposure.

jsquared

i can see why you would feel a bit agoraphobic about the shower, i had my first panic attack in the car and i didnt drive again for months. you have subconciously associated that place with the feeling of panic.

i think a good idea would be to go in the shower with a positive affirmation in mind and keep repeating it and just tell ur mum to give a knock on the door if you're not out in 20 minutes.

possible affirmation : i am cleansing my body of all forms of negativity and will leave the shower a more positive man

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

Hi, I´m Larz...and i´m a wreck

Hi Larz,

Congrats on taking the first step towards freedom and better you!

We are all here for you with advise, a shoulder to cry on and tales of our own experiences. If you need anything just let us know!

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

A new way of journaling for my setback today.

jsquared,

i really like this and actually used it today too, i had my first panic attack in a few weeks and sat down and collected my thoughts as why my symptoms were occurring, and just affirming that i survived way worse than this and my attack stopped dead in its tracks.

thanks for your tip!

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

negativity at home

hey loves trees, thank you

i spent a lot of my life in wonderland lol never had a care in the world, no physical or mental health problems, this last year or so has been a wake up call, but ive been really open with the problems I've had, everybody knows and i am not ashamed at all. this has helped because so many people who have /suffered in the past step forward and offer advise and support and it forces me to take only positive action because everybody is on my back to get better lol

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

no time to plan for this exposure

last night my friend carina went to go pick up her cousin from the ferry terminal, on her way the windshield wiper motor in her broke down, as it was raining pretty hard last night she left her car there. her boyfriend jeremy called me today, eplained the situation and i volunteered to drop them at the ferry terminal and help fix the car.

as soon as iput the phone down i started having a panic attack. my first ever panic attack was in the car driving on a highway over a bridge, that was 8 months ago and stopped driving for 7 1/2 months and only recently started drivingf again locally. the ferry terminal is a 45 minute drive on the highway over TWO bridges, something i didnt consider when i made my offer. i have a fear of losing control on the highway and crashing.

i calmed my self down a bit and headed out, prewarning carina and jeremy that i might a bit agitated and anious. the drive there wasn't too bad, lots of traffic so we drove slow, making it over both bridges with incredibly sweaty palms, almost made it to the ferry terminal but eventually had to pull over and ask carina to drive the rest of the way, we were only 3 minutes away lol

after four hours her car was fixed and carina took off in her car, she loaned jeremy to me for the ride home, jeremy doesnt have a licence so i started panicking again because there was no one to bail me out, i had to drive all the way home. jeremy was really good, helped talk me down and we made it home safely. i feel relieved that I DID IT, easily the biggest fear that i had. i havent reached the exposure part of the program yet but i feel that i had to conquer my biggest fear today even though i am super tired and have a massive headache from grinding my teeth all day, sacrifices i will gladly make to beat this.

just thought i would share that with everyone

Sunny II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 58

Techniques Improving

thats awesome anna! once you take the power away from the panic by knowing that you handle it, it loses all momentum.

Nice work!!

Sunny II

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