Are You Struggling with Depression or Anxiety?

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Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
My story.

I'm not sure in this is where I'm supposed to post or not. I apologize in advance for the spelling mistakes/grammar issues.
 
It starts. Accelerated heart pumping as if it was a piston in a super sports car, throat feeling constricted, almost as if there was a very large snake attached to it squeezing for everything it could. Numbness shooting throughout my entire body, sensitive to the touch I can feel the air blowing against my skin with an extreme chill almost as if in a freezer. With so many things going on at one time and your mind trying to jump into fight or flight with adrenaline pumping and you just wanting to relax.




The hard part is I know what comes next. I feel so help less at the moment I have no one to turn to any more, and I assume that it's the reason I hung on to her for so long. She was my beacon of light in a world that was so dark with despair. She was the one person I could turn to and know she would let me open up to her and wouldn't hold it against me. Any other person I told this too would kind of brush it off and not understand the difference they made in my life, It made me feel safe to know some one was always there. In this I grew very protective of the person I was with, in what would seem as Obsessive to some wasn't so obsessive to me more than it was some thing like a security blanket.



Truth be told, I've never really returned to normal after the several abortions / miscarriages. the first one didn't really phase me, as because as soon as it happened I had found Brittny, the 2nd one was really devastating and made me push forward harder with the whole brittny and eric situation that I would have normally left alone. I couldn't stand her crying, just seeing and hearing brittny crying was too much for me to handle she had been there for me for so long I wanted to make things right in her eyes, and that was letting brittny be the mother of my kids. the 3rd one was extremely painful It's pushed this back on me even tho it's been over a year I still dream about things. the feeling of worthlessness returns when I think of these things, Why would any one want some thing like that with me when I can't do ****.



The beginning was more or around the age of 15 - 16, the very first one had come after smoking a blunt with mel kendra and bill, i was sitting in the kitchen and taking the blunt to the head while bill and mel went to the store. I moved to the living room and it just happened, it came from clear left field I never saw it coming. I ended up in the emergency room for hours in a room getting my system cleaned out with a saline solution not my most proud moment I can tell you that, however it was only a taste of what was to come. the problems seemed to come from around the stress of having a companion.


over some time the systems would come and go as they would please and every time it came back it took more and more affect on me, Mentally and physically. The harder I try to get them to go away it seems the more they happen, and to be honest I'm extremely fearful of being alone when the thoughts start racing I can't handle it. I just break down in so many ways, "oh my god whats happening, why's my heart beating so fast, places hand on heart wow what the hell is going on. Why does it feel like im choking try to take a drink and it makes me throat feel sticking as if im choking on what im trying to drink. Weakness, more in part the physical weakness problems standing, problems thinking, a million thoughts being processed at 1 time its over all to much to bare." you get all that then the adrenaline decides it's time to step in to try to assist the bodys need for more energy to process everything, yet it only makes it worse because instead of being able to rest you feel the constant need to keep moving, and it makes it to where its that much harder to focus on the task at hand.


one of the factors I view as the worse is the pain of taking medicine which I'm assuming at this point in time is the result of this returning once more. at one point in my life I had turned to drugs to coupe with things that was too overwhelming to me. I was taking medicine IE. pills such as xanax and valiums to try to coupe with things that I was purchasing off the street from random people. In this process I about overdosed this has drove my fears for the medicine for years it makes me frightened of trying to attempt this again. in the last few weeks I've attempted taking medicine again, and its taken this toll on me again.


in the past few weeks it's been welcome back to an even worse version of agoraphobia, I've fought for years to be able to just go 10-15 miles from the house and now all that work seems like a huge setback to just return to the house and hardly be able to even leave my room again.
 
 

Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

When suffering a panic attack, do any of you have the majority of the problem in your throat? 
 
Like difficulty swallowing, then you start to go into an attack?
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

Thanks for the reply Davit :D
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

I've also been having problems trying to get to a doctor. 
 
Is there any advice you might have on this matter as well?
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

I'm from columbus ohio, however i'm sure this information will be greatly helpful for some one in Toronto thanks for posting it! 
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
I´m new

Welcome! I'm fairly new myself and have been taking the advice of this program and it's already starting to help me. 
 
I wish you luck as you begin, and if you need anything feel free to contact me!
 
-Josh
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

It's a little of both, I have a doctor just getting to where hes located now is unreasonable in my eyes. However I've been dealing with it and making progress every few days to get there.
Sea
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8 years ago 0 Sea 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Quick question

I'll get there and wont want to get out of the car to get in, the amount of time that it takes to visit the doctor is also a concern of mine due to the panic. 
 
With new symptoms over the last week its been kind of hard, I've been getting constant anxiety mixed with a strange choking sensation that I haven't experienced  before. 
 
Also when driving i'll get maybe 2-3 streets away and decide the anticipation is too much and just turn around.