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Posts created by Spartan117

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Inspirational Story

Yesterday when I got home from work, I was greeted at the door by my husband. The first thing he said was, "you made it through a whole work day? That's so awesome!" I was very proud of myself too, that was the first time in two weeks that I had survived an 8 hour day at work. We sat on the couch and we were talking about the day, and he asked how I was planning on keeping up with my success and how I was going to continue making it through my 8 hour work days. I shrugged, because quite honestly I don't know how I got through that full work day in the first place. Then this is the story he told me:

"Right now you are fighting a battle against an enemy, and that enemy is your anxiety and panic. You can't go into battle unprepared, you need to know what you're fighting and you need to have the proper weapons and tools. You wouldn't send an inexperienced peasant into battle with whatever he might have on his farm, right? No, you need to be a Knight - prepared, and trained with the proper tools. So, what are your tools in this battle?"

I answered, "deep breathing exercises, positive self-talk, muscle relaxation..."

"Ok, good. But you don't practice those very often. Your deep breathing wont work for you in the midst of a panic attack if you haven't been practicing, the same as giving a sword to someone who's never used one before and expecting them to defend themselves with it. So if you want to get better and win this battle you need to practice. The only way you can become a Knight is with practice, and the only way you're going to defeat the enemy is by becoming a Knight".

I immediately grabbed my notebook and wrote down that story, after he had finished telling it, and now I have it in my purse with me and on my computer screen at work. I hope you like the story and I hope it can help be a light for you when you need it. Thanks for reading!

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Inspirational Story

Red - - I'm really happy that you have a supportive partner, as well! It absolutely makes all the difference in the world.

Ashley - - I will definitely give him a big hug for everyone. I told him yesterday, that his story was too awesome NOT to post here. He just laughed.

Davit - - Thank you for your response! :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Relaxation

loves trees - -

That's a good point, that I forgot to add. Going to the first couple intro classes of yoga is very helpful before you do the DIY videos or anything like that, at least in the actual classes you can learn proper posture and how to hold positions with an instructor there. Good point :)

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Hi everyone!

Hi Eleen! And don't worry -- your English is great!

First of all, welcome here! I'm glad you're here and are interested in learning more about what you're going through. I always say, "Knowledge is Power". I'm new here too, I just read Session 1 yesterday and I found it to be helpful and informative, so I think it will be for you as well.

Panic attacks, unfortunately, just seem to come out of the blue and are often times unexpected. But hang in there, and hang out here too! The people in the support group are really great and I've learned this after being here for two days :) Try reading the program, it's very informative.

All the best,

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Homesick

Well, I made it through two whole 8 hour work days this week and I was so proud of myself, I thought I was doing so well. Then yesterday I fell off the wagon, went home early and didn't even go in today (but today I was actually sick), but still. Anyway, right now it's 11:53pm and I can't stop crying. I'm just so homesick :(. I just moved out on my own (with my hubby) for the first time in my life around 4 weeks ago, and I'm not adjusting well - it's so hard. I feel like this is just a huge set back and it's keeping me stuck, and I'm just so frustrated. I already read Session 1 and I'm trying to do my homework as often as I should, but I just don't feel like it's going to actually help...y'know? I just feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever, so why bother trying to fix it.

Frustrated and angry,

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Homesick

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words, it really is helpful.

I wish that I didn't have to work right now, so that I could just focus all my time and energy on getting better but I know that isn't a reasonable expectation right now. Next week I'm going from full-time to just above part time (5 hour days), so I really think that this will be helpful.

To answer some questions: What do I miss about home? Well, honestly I just miss everything. I miss how big it was...I went from a 1,200 sq ft house to a 600 sq ft apartment. The apartment doesn't have a front door, back door...balcony, backyard - it just kind of feels like prison, rather than "home". I miss my family too; it was a big house full of a lot of people and now it's just me and my hubby - it's so quiet. But most of all I miss my Mom and my dog. I had to leave my dog with my Mom because this apartment is not pet friendly, but not only that I wouldn't want him to be home alone all day whereas with my Mom he's with someone almost all the time. I know he's still my dog, still my baby but it's just really hard not having him around 24/7. And my Mom, she's seriously my best friend, we get along so well and she's there for me for well...anything and everything.

Ugh...*sigh*. I know that I need to challenge my negative core beliefs, but that's going to be so tough because I just see everything with such a negative outlook and I wish I could change that. I hate it...I hate it so much.

Thanks again everyone,

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Homesick

Hello everyone - - and thank you all so much for your encouragement, suggestions and support; it really means a lot.

Davit - I really like your story about your dog. I agree, we as humans need something to look after. I don't quite understand why but when I'm with my dog I just feel good. I also like what you had to say about words and using "dislike" instead of "hate", that was a very helpful piece of information.

Teebs - thanks for all your suggestions. I definitely need to put up some photos and stuff like that to make it feel more like home. And to answer your question, I'm only a 10 minute drive from my old home (hehe) . It's just been a very hard adjustment, but it seems to be getting better day by day.

Kendra - I'm super hard on myself, so thank you for your suggestions :)

I had a rough night last night, cried myself to sleep and my poor husband was just trying to calm me down and make me feel better. At one point I had said, "take me home, I want to go home" and he just looked at me and said "but...you are home". That made me feel pretty sad, of course I don't want to make him feel bad at all but sometimes I feel like I can't control myself.

Thanks again everyone :)

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

A Commitment to Myself

Hello everyone - -

Haven't posted for a few days, so I thought I should take a few moments to do that because a lot has changed in my life over the last few days.

Anyway, just this past Thursday (the 16th) was my last day of work. No, I didn't get fired *whew* - I left of my own free will. There are lots of reasons why I left, but the biggest reason was because I've been battling the worst anxiety of my life for the last 6 months (or so) and I came to the realization that I just wasn't getting better and I just needed the time to really focus on me and work on really getting better. So everything is fine financially, I have no worries there. I am taking the next three months, literally yes three months, to focus JUST on me and JUST on getting better. I am really excited about it, but also...scared, anxious and nervous. I guess I'm just afraid to fail and not make progress. I have a plan though! I need to share it with you guys. I feel if I answer only to myself I'll let myself get away with anything, y'know? Like, oh I don't have to work out today I can do that tomorrow...that kind of stuff.

Here's my plan and new goals:

The next three months are dedicated to me, so that I can focus on getting better and ridding myself of this anxiety and panic. In these next three months (and beyond) but the next three months for sure, I will:

- do yoga and go to yoga classes regularly, and by regularly I mean at least 3 times a week

- exercise at my apartment in our spare room that has been converted to an exercise room at least 3 times a week

- focus on my deep breathing exercises at least one time per day

- visit this website every single day and work on the CBT program, and stay committed to it even if I have setbacks, or if I feel like I'm not making progress. I really need to focus on the physical symptoms of anxiety and overcoming those, they are my biggest problem and I'm glad I can see that.

- visit this forum every day and either post or read about other people's accomplishments, setbacks and just connect with you guys

- I will let you know about my successes, and positive stories as well as anything not so great that might happen

- visit with my therapist on a regular basis (I really like her, so I can see her actually a few times a week :) )

Seems like a lot of stuff, but it'll be good because I don't have to work at all right now and I'm really grateful for that.

Thank you for reading my super long post ! :)

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Developing Agoraphobia?

Something strange happened to me today, and I'm not at all pleased with it...I'm actually quite upset.

I get really constricted breathing when I am very anxious, or if I know I have to go someplace I don't really want to go, or if I'm just having a crappy day and I don't want to leave the house. So this morning I left my apartment with my husband to go to my Mom's house to actually spend time with my little brother and play video games. Anyway, about half an hour into our visit I got the very constricted breathing and it was very out of the blue and scary. My first instinct was "I have to get out of here", which was alarming. Then after a few minutes when my breathing wouldn't return to normal I thought, "I have to get out of here...I need to get home". And it was like I got punched in the stomach, what was I thinking?? Usually when I have a panic attack at home (my apartment) I cry and want to go to my old home, my Mom's house. But then today when I had the constricted breathing at my Mom's house I just got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to get home. I'm just upset because my old home was (and I thought still is) my "safe place". I just don't understand how this could happen. I'm beginning to feel like no place is safe anymore.

Spartan

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Developing Agoraphobia?

Thank you everyone for the responses. Having others' insight has been extremely helpful! :)

Spartan

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