My name is Jessica, and I'm new here. I don't know for sure if this is the spot to add all this stuff in, so if it isn't please forgive me.
I'm a 23 year old woman, and I've been struggling with pretty severe panic attacks and anxiety for almost 4 years now. A lot of the time it feels like I'm on a rollercoaster ride with my emotions and panic, and I'm just getting so fed up with it. What frightens me the most is the physical symptoms of the panic and anxiety, the scariest for me being the breathlessness (feeling like there's someone sitting on my chest), and also the feeling that my throat is closing or constricting. Unfortunately, I experience a very wide spectrum of physical symptoms such as severe dizziness, tingling sensation in body and extremities, stomach pains, nauseau, heart palpitations, racing heart, feeling like I'm not real or outside of my body, sweating...the list goes on. I'm just at a point right now where I feel like I'll never get better, like...I'll be stuck like this forever. I cry almost every day just because I'm so frustrated and angry with this, I want to be the old me, I want to be "normal" and back to my old care-free self.
I don't feel the excitement or joy I used to feel when I do something I like to do, or used to like doing for that matter. I find that I'm too afraid to do almost anything. Like, going to work is damn near impossible. Trust me it's not a hard job, I'm sure they could train a monkey to do my job but that's besides the point. Just the mere thought of having to get through an 8 hour work day is like an instant panic attack, and I just don't know why. It's like a button, and I'm so sick of it. I'm terrified that I am going to lose my job because of this condition. On one hand, I'd love to not have to work and just stay home and look after the house, clean it and have supper ready for my hubby and stuff like that. But I know that avoidance is also just terrible, and will make my condition worse.
There are definitely some positives, and I should touch on those. I'm recently married, to a wonderful man. He really is the best, I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He takes care of me, he understands me and my condition but he loves me all the same. I also have a little dog, a toy poodle actually, and his name is Ozzy. He's the love of my life, like a child to me, he's always there for me no matter what mood I'm in and he always makes me feel better. When I'm feeling especially crappy he'll be there to cuddle and kiss me, and just look at me and say "it'll be ok Mom". (I'm a dog lover, can't you tell? Hehe).
Anyway, sorry that's a bit of a sad introduction but that's my life on a daily basis.
(Hope it wasn't too long)
Thanks for reading!