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Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
New Here

Hello everyone,
 
My name is Jessica, and I'm new here. I don't know for sure if this is the spot to add all this stuff in, so if it isn't please forgive me.
 
I'm a 23 year old woman, and I've been struggling with pretty severe panic attacks and anxiety for almost 4 years now. A lot of the time it feels like I'm on a rollercoaster ride with my emotions and panic, and I'm just getting so fed up with it. What frightens me the most is the physical symptoms of the panic and anxiety, the scariest for me being the breathlessness (feeling like there's someone sitting on my chest), and also the feeling that my throat is closing or constricting. Unfortunately, I experience a very wide spectrum of physical symptoms such as severe dizziness, tingling sensation in body and extremities, stomach pains, nauseau, heart palpitations, racing heart, feeling like I'm not real or outside of my body, sweating...the list goes on. I'm just at a point right now where I feel like I'll never get better, like...I'll be stuck like this forever. I cry almost every day just because I'm so frustrated and angry with this, I want to be the old me, I want to be "normal" and back to my old care-free self.
 
I don't feel the excitement or joy I used to feel when I do something I like to do, or used to like doing for that matter. I find that I'm too afraid to do almost anything. Like, going to work is damn near impossible. Trust me it's not a hard job, I'm sure they could train a monkey to do my job but that's besides the point. Just the mere thought of having to get through an 8 hour work day is like an instant panic attack, and I just don't know why. It's like a button, and I'm so sick of it. I'm terrified that I am going to lose my job because of this condition. On one hand, I'd love to not have to work and just stay home and look after the house, clean it and have supper ready for my hubby and stuff like that. But I know that avoidance is also just terrible, and will make my condition worse.
 
There are definitely some positives, and I should touch on those. I'm recently married, to a wonderful man. He really is the best, I couldn't have asked for a better husband. He takes care of me, he understands me and my condition but he loves me all the same. I also have a little dog, a toy poodle actually, and his name is Ozzy. He's the love of my life, like a child to me, he's always there for me no matter what mood I'm in and he always makes me feel better. When I'm feeling especially crappy he'll be there to cuddle and kiss me, and just look at me and say "it'll be ok Mom". (I'm a dog lover, can't you tell? Hehe).
 
Anyway, sorry that's a bit of a sad introduction but that's my life on a daily basis.
(Hope it wasn't too long)
 
Thanks for reading!
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Introduction... I like long walks on the beach and I might be crazy :)

Hi there,
 
I don't think your intro was too long, I was actually looking forward to those other paragraphs that you deleted.
 
And first of all, I don't think you're crazy at all. For many years I thought I was crazy as well, but after many hours of counseling and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) I found out I wasn't crazy at all. It's hard to get it out of your head, I really understand what you're going through but believe me (if you can) when I say, "you're not crazy".
 
It's good that you're here. Just seeking help and information about what you're going through is a huge first step, I learned that last year myself. I'm not better by any means, I still feel like I'm stuck in the midst of this panic and anxiety monster but like I said I'm glad that you're here and if I can be of any help I will sure try.
 
Also, I just did my introduction today, this morning actually, so I'm new too. It really sucks that there are so many people with this problem, but in the end I'm really glad that we can all be here together.
 
I'll be here if you need me :)
Jessica
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
New Here

Thanks for posting to me, so quickly. To answer your questions...
 
Q: What motivated you to come here today?
A:  The main motivation for coming here today was realization of how sad my life has become, and by sad I just mean the overall quality of life. Like I said in the intro, just trying to get through an 8 hour work day is HELL whereas some people work 12, 14 hour days or more and just keep going. I'm just fed up with feeling weak, and powerless and out of control. I want to be happy again and in control of my life, instead of this panic and anxiety controlling my life.
 
Q: If anxiety was no longer an issue in your life how would your life be different?
A: I could probably write a book about this. But seriously, I would just be free; free to live and exist and just be. I'd be able to get through work, go back to school, go to parties with friends, go out to dinner and movies...the list is endless. I'd be able to work out again, go back to the gym, do yoga with a clear head, be at peace and not have this horrible rain cloud hanging over my head constantly. I'd be my old self again - carefree, spontaneous and fearless.
 
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Drive - I did it!

Teebs,
 
I just read your story and your accomplishments are HUGE. That's so awesome, good for you!
 
Spartan
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
New Here too

Kendra,
 
I enjoyed reading your initial story and the posts following afterward; the succession of stories and posts was very inspirational. I like your initial post and how you were nervous and anxious about going out into the world of work, and going for interviews and such, and then as time went on you found the courage to go out for interviews and then you landed a job! That's just awesome!
 
Spartan
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Update

faeriegueene11:
 
Chest pains can definitely be scary. Have you been to your physician so they can check to see what the cause of the pains might be? I had chest pains for quite a while, at one point, but after a few visits to the Dr we found out it was a stomach ulcer causing pain. Anyway, it can be scary to have to do the whole waiting thing to see a Dr but try to think positive - it might just be tense muscles, right? All the best.
 
Spartan
 
 
 
 
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Going crazy?

To answer your question, "do other people feel like this?" - yes, absolutely, and I'm one of them. It's always good to know that you're not alone in your struggles. Your story sounds like a chapter out of my life, except my worry wasn't one thing specifically (i.e. Schizophrenia) it was more like...well, every possible ailment under the Sun. Just so you know, those feelings that you get such as feeling uneasy, unreal or hyper awareness are all common when you experience anxiety and panic. Actually, the unreality (or feeling like you're detached from your body, or outside your body) is one of the scariest symptoms to me, I hate it. It can be hard to deal with all this, so I can relate when you say you didn't want to believe this was happening and trying to deny it. I wouldn't suggest stopping your research altogether, but perhaps change your methods? It sounds like you're doing research with the intention of diagnosing yourself with another mental disorder. One thing that I've learned, and boy is it hard to learn and put into practice, is to switch the negative thoughts with positive thoughts instead. So, how can you go and make your reading/research into a positive experience? I always believed that "knowledge is power", but you don't want to add to the anxiety and make yourself feel worse right.
All the best,
Spartan
 
 
 
 
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Problems with Avoidance

I think one of the hardest parts about anxiety affecting my life, is how it's affected my ability (or inability) to travel. I'd been planning on going to New Zealand for years, it's a place I long to be but my mind won't let me go. The idea of being in New Zealand makes me so happy, but the reality of a 20-something hour long flight, and being half-way around the world from my home and family just invokes an instant panic attack. Even going an hour outside the city on camping trip is difficult, so I'll have to save my New Zealand adventure for when I am healed.
Spartan117
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Unsupportive Friends

Kendra - -
 
That's so horrible that someone would say something like that to you, did they not think that it would hurt? Has that person ever experienced the anxiety that you are feeling? Sounds like they do not understand what you are going through; it makes me so angry when people can say something like, "stop acting like a child" ESPECIALLY when they don't understand what a person suffering from anxiety and panic are going through. All I can say is don't listen to them, because that type of negative talk can really hurt. You are not stuck like this forever, and your daughter doesn't have to be "set on the same path", as you had said in your post. Try to replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, I know it can be hard I struggle with that idea too. Hang in there, we're here for you.
 
Spartan
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9 years ago 0 Spartan117 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Relaxation

Hello everyone! I just wanted to add my little tid-bit about my own experiences with relaxation activities.
 
I'll admit, this isn't for everyone but Yoga is simply amazing (I'm not a yoga instructor, so I'm not trying to sell anything). I just want to share that out of all the things I've tried, if you just try to focus on your Yoga session it's just incredible how it can clear your mind and help you feel so relaxed, calm and at peace. It kind of forces you to clear your mind and concentrate on what you're doing, so it's very cool. I was very hesitant about trying Yoga the first time around, I was coming up with excuses like, "Oh I'm really out of shape", and "it costs too much". Yes, unfortunately Yoga can be expensive if you are going to a studio (and you plan on going regularly) but there are videos available that you can follow along with on Youtube and such. Another thing that I LOVE to do (and it's free!) is just take a blanket, my dog, go to the park and stare at the sky. If you're lucky enough to have a nice yard that you can sit in, you can skip the park altogether. I just find that staring at the sky and the clouds brings me such a sense of peace it's just incredible. One of my favorite times to practice my deep breathing exercises is while staring at the sky and thinking about nothing. It takes a while for your mind to clear, but once it does it's just awesome. Thanks for reading!
 
Spartan