How did it start?
Thanks for sharing your story.
My panic started 1 1/2 months ago. I had the flu back to back, the second flu being swine flu. My daughter gave them both to me.
While we both had swine flu, my husband went out of town to China. I was all alone, taking care of the both of us. It was by far the WORST flu I've ever experienced. I remember the day I had my first panic attack -- I was finishing a paper (for an online class), editing videos on my computer for Christmas presents, and watching my daughter all day. I was pushing myself that day -- I had so much to get done, and no one to help (I've moved recently, across country for my husband's work).
I sat on my bed exhausted at the end of the day, wanting to rest but my daughter was still awake. I remember feeling anxious that I still had to take care of her, when all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. Then BAM! it hit me. I thought I was having a heart attack. I called an ambulance, but I couldn't go with them because no one is allowed to ride in an ambulance with you. If I went, my daughter would have been picked up by a police officer and would have became property of state, or child services (is that the right term?) So, I called a far-away friend of my husband's who came from an hour away, who so kindly drove to my house, and then we all went to the hospital. The doctor said it was palpitations and mitral valve prolapse (but I've since seen a cardiologist, who says I don't have one... go figure).
I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not sure but I think my anxiety is aimed towards my daughter. I'm in excruciating anxiety all day, and I also watch her all day. It's terrible -- I'm usually a very on-top-of-it mom, always caring, loving, doing everything. But not lately, I feel miserable all day every day.
When I was breastfeeding my daughter her first entire year, I lost too much weight for which also made me anxious. I am way too thin and attempting to gain weight. It's hard -- my stomach always hurts from my GERD and hiatal hernia.
But I remember feeling like she literally sucked the life from me. My body has been worn down since I stopped breastfeeding, but me and the hubby have been doing SO much (work work and work, moving, etc.) I didn't stop to take care of myself, and get back to good health. I also lost 6 pounds from the swine flu.
Anyhow -- Thanks for listening.