Hi
I'm a 34 year old mom of 2 amazing kids and I am married to a VERY supportive husband too! I've had anxiety most of my life but the disorder kicked in after a one time experience with drugs that seemed to kick my anxiety into high gear. I had my first panic attack the day after trying the drug... For years I worked through it drug free and they even went away for years. After my first child it returned with a vengeance..and I finally caved in and began taking Paxil.. It changed my life and I was panic free for almost 7 years..and now after my second child it's back again..even though I'm on Paxil.. I only take 10 mg sometimes 15 mg.. but I don't think it's enough anymore.
My biggest fear is losing my mind... or my memory.. or just going crazy. If I see or read of other mental illnesses I'll be sure to get it..lol.. On bad days this seems very real... On good days.. ridiculous... Needless to say.. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and afraid that this time I may really be going crazy... Just waiting for the voices...lol.. Well I'm hoping to find some support here and maybe someone whos been where I am...
Thanks for listening. :)
Hi
I've had anxiety on and off forever...(so it seems..lol) but it had been under control for about 7 years until now.. It is creeping back in.. The other day I was out with a girlfriend when all of a sudden I had the feeling of not knowing where I was... although I did... but starting to panic..It's so hard to explain but the world just took on a different view...and ever since.. I've been in a high state of anxiety waiting for the "ball to drop" so to speak.. It's so easy to be positive when you're beating it and the years go by..but this has happened and I can't seem to focus on the positive...
Can derealization be a sign of horrible things to come?? Now if I see or read anything about mental illness on TV / News I'm sure that will be me ..... I hate this... Could use some advice...or reassurance..lol Thanks for listening.
Hi Mike..
OMG... I could've used your examples myself. The fears you described used to be my most troublesome. I really feared being locked up.... and wasted a lot of time wondering when it would happen. I've waited for a lot of things because of this disorder and although I know I can "beat" it.. and did for many years.. This setback though made me realize that it is never really gone and that sometimes life throws you a curveball. I am VERY thankful to hear you share my thoughts though as it does make you feel very isolated when it's happening. Also, sharing those feelings sound crazy to other people who don't have anxiety. They can't wrap themselves around the fact that we "obsess" about such things. As they just say "don't worry about it"..lol...
Thanks for replying and hopefully if I can meddle with my paxil a bit, I'll find a new balance. I'm weaning my second baby.. so I'm sure it's not helping my hormones.. Sorry if that was TMI.. too much information..LOL..
Take care...
Hi Everyone...
First of all thank you for all taking the time to read my post and reply. I definately appreciate it. Mike, you have reassured me in the way that I needed in that moment... thank you. Everything you say is true and most times I can talk myself through these thoughts but as I stated this setback was a bit unexpected. No real stressors etc. Isn't that how it all starts though? ..lol.. if I remember back to the beginning..which I try not to very often. Being a Type A personality too doesn't help me at all.. the need to "control" or "have control" in my life is the only way I like it.. LOL.. but unrealistic I know...
This journey has been rough at times but for those of you going through it - it does get better. My life has been for the most part amazing... and the good days FAR outnumber the bad days... You just need to remember that it isn't forever.. Live in the moment and TRY not to focus too much on the "what if's".. hard to do sometimes.. I know. I also know that everything I've gone through has made me a more compassionate person and a person who is a lot less judgemental than I once was. Like the saying goes.. until you've walked in my shoes... or his shoes.. You just don't know.. As a result of all this YUCK I've learned to appreciate the good in ALL people and to be more sensitive to those who are dealing with things.. Who woud've known that the stigma attached to "mental illness" label would someday apply to my life.. No longer do I tell people to "get over it" or "just let it go"..
I'm feeling back to myself now and a lot more "in control".. ha! .. and I think a lot of it has to do with this forum and knowing I'm not alone.
Thanks everyone.. :) I believe in karma..so what comes around goes around.
Hi..
Well this topic caught my eye as my anxiety has resurfaced after many years panic free. It is the irrational fears that frustrate me the most as my logic tells me one thing yet my mind runs with whatever the fear of the moment is. I am on medication and have been for years - a VERY low dose of paxil as I had gradually begun weaning myself.. Now I'm trying to find a new balance (with my Doc's help) but until then ;)
Right now my biggest fears are:
1. Death
2. something happening to me when I'm alone with my kids
3. going crazy - hearing voices, having a mental break.. Just losing control
4. allergic reactions to medications etc.
5. forgetting how to swallow
6. forgetting where I am
I do have to say I was somewhat comforted that most of us fear the same things..and yet we are all here still dealing with them and going on day by day.
Well I'm going to give the program a try and see if that helps... Not all my days have anxiety or the fears but the days that do.. are tough and FRUSTRATING. Makes me feel like a failure... but I beat this before and I can again.
Thanks for listening.
Cornish-Dee
That's awesome!...way to go.. I'm sure it's taken a lot of work on your part! Thanks for letting us know there is light at the end of the tunnel..lol.. I know there is too. I'm coping with a bit of a setback so I'm just plugging along.
Enjoy you day!!
Hi Katie...
First of all congrats on your pregnancy. 2nd of all.. the best advice comes from you doctor but I will share my experience.
My second child just turned 2..and I went through my entire pregnancy on Paxil.. I researched this tirelessly prior to my pregnancy..and spoke with both my doctor and obstetrician..
I went on Paxil after my first pregnancy as it seemed my pregnancy kicked my anxiety into high gear once the baby was born. For the next 5 years I tried on and off to get off..but no success. I eventually weaned to as low a dose as I could manage and made the decision to get pregnant. We now have an amazing son who is soon to be 2.
If you can avoid meds during the first trimester..that is the best for everyone. You may even find you balance out after the first 3 months naturally. If your anxiety though continues to get worse you should see your doctor. It isn't healthy for you or the baby to be in that state for the next 9 months.. and although nothing is 100% safe you're mental state is very important to both of you.
If you can tough it out though and make it through... Wonderful!! You can try prenatal yoga (that's amazing for relaxing), massage therapy..etc.
Sometimes though it's beyond our control.. and we need to be ok taking care of ourselves.
Best of luck Katie... and enjoy your pregnancy. They are precious moments with you and your baby... :) If want to chat more we can.. I've been where you are and it definately gets better!! :)
Hi Amy68
I personally haven't started the program yet either.. lol. but I have been reading the forums. I unlike you though have anxiety and panic. It does sound though that you are experiencing anxiety..and quite a bit of it BUT the blahs definately sound more like depression. They often run hand in hand though, one causing the other. It gets us down when we're always on "high alert"...
Your first step would be in accepting that how you are feeling is OK.. and that you definately are NOT coo-coo. We all go through things some often beyond our control .
I would definately go see your doctor though. Although meds are not my first choice you should let them know how you're feeling and then start with alternative options. Upping the excercise, cutting the junk out of the diet (white sugars etc.), resting at night more... all sound easy but are not when we feel yuck!! I can preach it, find it hard to live by sometimes..lol...
You may find you just need someone to talk to... hiding your feelings is a full time job in itself.. I did it for years with my anxiety. Being "super mom" "happy" all the time... while inside I was in knots.. Letting the burden go was HUGE for me .. and you know what.. lots of people feel like I do and I found a HUGE support circle around me.. I'm sure it would be the same for you...
Go see your doc.. and keep me posted. There is definately hope and help... and hey.. I'm here to listen :)
Cornish-dee
Don't be gutted... it happens to the best of us..lol... and what you are dealing with is two-fold. You have yourself to look out for as well as your husband. That's a lot to ask of one person. The panic attack was a definate result of the "row" you had. Your adrenaline was pumping (as it does when we fight) and your body had a perfectly normal response. It was your mind that "read it wrong". During a fight we all have anxiety of some sort..and your body read it as a trigger. It's ok.. and it is just another starting point. I'm not sure of your history but I've been battling this since I was 19ish...and am now 34. I've had many years panic free and a few setbacks along the way. Right now is one of them.. It's been two years since my last baby and it's right on schedule..lol. Same thing with my daughter.. 2 years exactly... This time though I'm hoping the coping mechanisms and stuff that I've learned in the past will make this setback shorter and easier. Personally I'm my worst enemy... I get frustrated.. and it seems you do too.. We have to believe in ourselves and be forgiving when it doesn't go the way we want. We learn from each experience even though it doesn't feel like it at the time. If you ever want to chat let me know... we could use the online chat thingy.. lol.. since we can't put email addresses on here.
Be strong.. and you just have to pick yourself up again and give it another try.. no matter how hard it is.. You can do it!! and you'll be celebrating another victory before you know it :)
Hi Manx
Welcome and good luck. I'm new to the site as well. I'm working on a different program but have found reading about other people and realizing I'm not alone has helped a lot. As well it's great to have people going through the same things give you ideas on coping etc.
Good luck...
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