THis medicine, even though I used a very low dosage 10 mg a day made me lose most of my hair ( I had bald spots on my head everywhere) and eyebrows and i'm a girl. Other anti depressants also made me loose hair but never cause bald spots. Im not using any anti depressant for a year now and my hair is back but im kind of ok.
Yesterday I went to my Cognative behavioural therapy session. I showed my to do list for university, my therapist said keep thinking rational. and try to do the essays instead of trying to make them great, she said one essay only is 3% since 7 essays will count for 20% of the course...
Thats why she said dont put too much effort in one essay and try to focus on getting it done. Easy to say but how will I convince my brain to just do the essays without much effort.. i always like taking my time for them, how could i feel ok to be done with ok but not great essays? I guess that she meant its exopure for me to do thing diffirently, but thats not a big enough reason for my brain to actually be contented with less achievement.
My goal for today is/was to write one essay, they are actually called short reports on Disgrace by JM Coetzee and then read 65 pages from the novel Bitter Fruit. But its already 10 pm and i need to eat dinner yet, i keep wondering is this doable. Although I got up today at 5 pm, so ill probably work untill late in the midnight or till the next moring. As long as i dont aviod it because of fears and doubts, and get it done anyway! I need to be strong to do it!
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."-Walt Disney
I feel sad :( I didnt read because my psychologist kept telling me to do te essay in a half hour because its actually already done. so now i didnt read my book and its 6 am and been avoiding for a few hours :( Now how will i get up tomorrow? Shall i read untill 8 am or shall i get up with lack of sleep and try to do it tomorow? :( I hate my pyschologist because she doesnt give me more therapy :(
thanks for liking the disney quote.
ps I have a borderline personality organization plus obsessive compulsiveness plus panic disorder plus a specific phobia plus when higly stressed shizifrenic. :( I just want to pass these 3 courses this block how can i help myself if she ( therapist) doesnt help me every day? School mean everything to me.
Yesterday I was summing up all my failures of the day so that didnt help me a bit. It only made me go deeper into the negative spiral. theres a lot of negativity too today. For instance i slept all day I woke up at... 7PM! I had my dinner at 11PM now it is 12.30AM and have to still sleep and get up at 9AM plus i didnt do any of the essays. But now im thinking the school knows about my problems so I am allowed to hand in things later maybe I shoudlnt push myself to get 2 essays done this midnight and go to college tomorrow and not skip it because of the essyas. But I could at least try to do one. So im more optimistic.
Thank you both for replying!
When I have essays and exams I tend to either avoid studying or writing the essay or I start studying and writing but wont finish it up and extend my time in them...
Firstly, how can I start studying and write essays, so not avoiding them?
Secondly, how can I end them, not spending too much time on them , being efficient but good and stop?
OK well we'll see how I will act today. I'm in a good mood so and it's 12 in the afternoon and i'm starting to study now. Thanx both of you! Hug!
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