Funny, my day started really well, ok lol I got up and bravely faced my day and got what i needed done and went to both myclasses and participated and everything. Then it came time to deal with figuring things out for the meds to meet with my doctor tomorrow. And i realized that all the anti-depressants i was told worked well are all in the same family which i seem to be allergic to. I got so depressed and sad! I felt like all of a sudden there was no help for me! And where did that come from anyway? Since when do i rely on pills to make me feel better? I beleive and really truely beleive in working the program and in doing the cognitive behavioral work! I beleive that you get better through skills and that the pills are just there to help out once in a while. So why all of a sudden am i feeling helpeless and lost? Thing is i came home tired. I was tired when i got home and i got sadder and sadder and more anxious as the evening went. Maybe i just overdid it today who know. Maybe i am just near my womanly monthly affliction (which i am) maybe i am just too tired and hungry and cold (cold over here lol! All i know is atm i feel sad and anxious and blue and just all not that like myself. All i want is a collective hug so i can cry and feel safe (sounds childish i know). Anyway, on top of it i start obsessing about what if i am getting depressed as i wonce was. That is one of my phobias or obsessions, being depressed like before. It got real bad sometimes. But then i tell myself Do not analyze the past! this is Now. And in the Now you are sad but ok and you know how to take care of yourself! And in the Now you are safe! And this too shall pass! Anyway, i just needed to tell this to someone out there! If you guys need to delete this because it is not so anxiety related as it is depression related i will understand. I mean i am anxious but it is the being sad that makes me scared lol. Anyway, whoever reads this thanks for listening. See you tomorrow!
-Diva
Thanks so much for the reply, been having a rough night and reading this really helped me. I think what you said is really good and very good advice. Thanks a lot maggie you just made my evening a lot easier. I not only fel understood but i feel supported and i thank you for your kind and wise words :) Thanks.
-Diva
Well today is the day i go see my Doctor. Hope it goes well. Anywa, talk to you all leter. I am going to class now that that is enough in itself lol. So later guys and thanks again Maggie for your help on this.
-Diva
Well i am still on week one of the program but i have been doinsg my best to fill the anxious thoughts sheets and the panic sheets. I read all the week one material also. So i figure since i am still in week one , well yes i am working the program. If i have questions i will not hesitate to ask. For now i am just trying to challenge myself and challenge my fears and keep doing my things. I see my therapist weekly and that helps too. I told him about your website so he can come on here and look and see what this is about. He likes the idea of me having a support group with you guys.
Today i went to see my doctor she renewed my clonazepam and made out a sleeping aid prescription. For the rest she is sending me to see a psychiatrist, she feels more at ease that way.
I have had allergic reactions to meds in the past so i feel a bit scared about taking the new sleeping pill....I do not know how i will react to it. My allergies are also why my doctor is sending me to see a psychiatrist cause adjusting my meds will be a bit more tricky lol especialy since i get paranoid about new pills! I still dont know how i feel about the pills but i will see my therapist soon. And we will discuss it. I feel a bit more at ease with the clonazepam tho now that i figured out it is just to help out till i get better with CBT.
Anyway, for now things are relatively settled till i get consult with the psychiatrist. And who knows maybe by then i won't even need him :P
For now i guess with the pill thing i will just take what i need so i can work the program and the therapy so i can get better. That is all i can ask of myself and there is no shame in it.Is it just me helping my body get its balance back. As for the sleeping pill i will talk to my therapist and we can see how i can deal with taking it so i can sleep finally....
Well i guess this sums up my whole pill adventure for now. I will talk to my therapist soon and go see the psychiatrist and we will see. But mostly i will keep doing the CBT!
Later!
-Diva
Wow isabella it seems that even tho you have your rough patches (like we all do) that you are doing real well. You must be very proud of yourself! School, shopping wow gongrats. I know, personnally how hard the school thing is! I think it is wonderful how courageous you are and i also think it is great t o see that you are making such progress! You must be very proud of yourself indeed.
Well i just wanted to say thanks for sharing with us and congratulations on your successes and your perseverence :)
-Diva
I think i have been doing better with the heart rate cheking thing. I still catch myself doing it but i really try and stop myself before i do it. And i find that the less i do it the more i realize that is is not useful to me and that i dont need to do it as much. I mean my struggle with this one is far from over but i am glad to report that i see small progress and that i figure there is hope for me yet lol. So i am hoping to eventually just not do it at all since in my case it does not help me. Thanks for all the tips and all the support. I will keep on trying :)
-Diva
Hello Isabella thanks so much for your post! It really helps to read it. It is so hard for me on days like yesterday. On top of it i am having a small repeat of it tonight. I feel sad and blue and weepy. And that scares me. I am so afraid to go back to how unhappy and depressed and despaired i was back then. Then again, i know that focusing on the past doesnt help me at all. And you are right. It is ok to be sad sometimes, even for no reason (or for good ones!). It is ok and it will pass. On top of it you are right i am at a time of the month where it is normal to be more tired and weepy and sad. It is just all a bit scare for me. In between dealing with school and the medication thing and the sad thing, theese few days have been rough. Plus i am afraid to tell anyone around me about it. I am afraid they will be afraid. I am afraid they wont understand. and i am afraid that if i tell them then it is true and that means i will be depressed. I am also afraid that if i let myself cry or be sad it just wont stop and it will be the never ending spiral of doom! Then again that is just my anxiety talking :blush: and maybe some of the pms talking too ;p . But it does help me you telling me you get blue days too and that it is ok and normal. It helps to know that i am gona be ok and that i am not the only one who gets theese kinds of days. Thanks so much for your post :) I think i will take some of your advice and i will go put on my Pjs and relax. Since i dont have a movie but i do have a very good book i will go read my book. Tonight is a good night for a rest and some Tlc just for me from me :)
Thanks again.
- Diva
I am always surprised to see how few people use the online chat system. I almost always log into it when i am on but i rarely have anybody on with me. Then i check and there are some members checking the website at same time as me they are just not in chat option. It is nice posting in forum but i would think it would also be nice to be able to chat live. Then again what do i know, some people might be shy, contemplative or maybe they just don't have the time at that time! I just hope i get a few more chats online during this process. The few i did have were nice. Anyway, i guess i understand that some people are shy and prefer just the forums, i guess when i think about it i can't really understand. But for those of you out there who would like to communicate live sometimes, i will meet you out there on the chat system.
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