getting back on track again

I am almost fifty years old, and I have two young children who are now getting old enough to pay attention to how much I drink. I have spent the past ten years worrying about how much I drink, and the past two years actively (and utterly ineffectively) trying to cut down. I am a successful professional, and my drinking has never affected my family / social / or professional life. I love my work & my family; my husband also drinks, and we enjoy drinking together. However, I regularly wake up hungover, and I have recently done very stupid things (drinking & driving) that will eventually hurt my kids and get me in big trouble. Right now I've been sober for six hours. I have decided I'm not going to drink tonight, but I'm already thinking about that nice glass of wine. I'm scared...

getting back on track again

I've been taking Naltrexone for the past two years, and it has proven overall unsuccessful for me. I attended one AA meeting, but that is totally not my style. My husband of sixteen years, who is the most wonderful man in the world, is my favorite and primary drinking buddy. We both enjoy ourselves so much over a glass (or three) of fine wine several times a week. We have always loved going out on dates, or staying home and watching the sunset, going to parties together, and all of the other fabulous romantic things people do with a glass of wine in hand. At least three or four times within the past two months, I have driven while under the influence, and that's not unusual. Twice with my kids in the car. One of those times I know I was fully intoxicated. I'm really, really good at hiding it, even from myself.

getting back on track again

I realize now I should have started my own thread instead of butting in on "want to succeed" and getting back on track again. I'm new at this forum thing. Sorry, and I do realize I'm not the only one with problems here. Good luck to you with your back problems.

Starting over

I just joined this support group, and I'm very new to this. A couple of hours ago, I initially posted to an already-existing thread, but I realize I should have started my own thread, so I'm starting over.

And yes, I am starting over. I am almost fifty years old; I'm healthy, athletic, happy, successful -- and I have two young children who are now getting old enough to pay attention to how much I drink. I have spent the past ten years worrying about how much I drink, and the past two years actively (and utterly ineffectively) trying to cut down. I am a successful professional, and my drinking has never affected my family / social / or professional life. I've been taking Naltrexone for the past two years, and it has proven overall unsuccessful for me. I attended one AA meeting, but that is totally not my style. My husband of sixteen years, who is the most wonderful man in the world, is my favorite and primary drinking buddy. We both enjoy ourselves so much over a glass (or three) of fine wine several times a week. We have always loved going out on dates, or staying home and watching the sunset, going to parties together, and all of the other fabulous romantic things people do with a glass of wine in hand. At least three or four times within the past two months, I have driven while under the influence, and that's not unusual. Twice with my kids in the car. One of those times I know I was fully intoxicated. I'm really, really good at hiding it, even from myself.

My husband is very supportive of my decision to quit drinking, but we've been through this scenario several times over the past few years. He's just not strong enough to resist me when I convince him that THIS time I can handle just one drink and it won't start escalating. THIS time, let's keep alcohol out of the house, and I'll only drink when we're out on a date together. THIS time, I'll stick to red wine only, which will surely keep me from drinking too much. THIS time, I'll let him be my babysitter, and I'll stop whenever he tells me to. This morning I told him that I'm really going to quit for good, and he agreed to do whatever it takes. I'm already rehearsing ways to talk him out of it.

I have never tried an online support group before. I am also considering talking to my doctor about disulfiram. I'm not sure I can do this.....

Starting over

Athena, thanks so much for the immediate support -- I'm grasping for a lifeline and this helps already. I do know a lot about the neurological processes of alcohol addiction - during my Naltrexone therapy I studied the chemical and psychological effects fairly deeply, and I plan to study it all again. I'm going to look for something local along the lines of the Women for Sobriety group you mentioned. Thanks again. My last drink was 24 hours ago and counting.

When no-one agrees with your goals

Marina, have you heard about Naltrexone therapy? There is a great book called "The Cure for Alcoholism" by Roy Eskapa. I think it would be well worth your while to look at this book, and to have your husband read it. It focuses very strongly on ways to drink less, rather than abstaining entirely. At the very least, it goes into great detail about the brain chemistry involved in alcohol addiction.

Starting over

Ashley, these are good questions. I do have a long list of reasons why I like to drink, and I can come up with a lot more. My main reasons for wanting to quit are (1) I can't stop after one or two drinks, no matter what I do. At the time I always find it amusing. (2) I frequently drive after three or four - or five - drinks, because I "handle my alcohol" so well. I'm fairly slender and athletic, so I know that even 3 drinks isn't safe, despite how I feel. I haven't been caught yet, nor have I had an accident, but a lot of that has to be luck. (3) I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's perfectly normal for a mom to drink as much as I do. My father and grandfather were alcoholics, and I already see compulsive/addictive behaviors in my extremely bright eight-year-old son. (4) I wake up hungover far too often. That part isn't fun. (5) On a side note, I wouldn't mind the additional benefits of losing weight and saving money. Although the "pros" make my life very enjoyable, the "cons" scare the hell out of me. When I'm sober, anyway....

Starting over

Actually, I think part of the problem is that I like being a bit out of control. I'm a happy, funny drunk, not a sleepy or obnoxious one. I've rarely done anything to embarrass myself (at least not that I know of, or have ever been told) and I love a good wine buzz. Of course, I often secretly feel guilty/defensive for just a moment when I start that third or fourth glass of wine, because I know what I'm doing to myself, and I know how I will feel later. But I always do it, because it's so good at the time.

Starting over

Oh, it's hard right now. It's time for that evening glass of wine, and I'm doing the "just one wouldn't hurt" conversation with myself. There's no alcohol in the house, which is a good thing. Three sober days and counting.

81 days

Athena, you were the first one to acknowledge me on this site, when I wasn't sure I was even doing the right thing. I am thrilled to hear about your progress. I have been sober for only three days so far, and your story gives me great hope. I had the "only one drink won't hurt" conversation several times this evening, and it was harder than yesterday. I plan to try out a local secular alcohol support group next week, and the thought makes me very nervous. Reading about your progress is so very helpful!! Thank you.