Hello. I thought I would have a glass or two of wine last night, and then stop drinking. As usual, it didn't happen. I drank the whole bottle and then some. After that second glass, something happens to my mind. I just can't stop. This happens a few times a week. I love the idea of cutting back, and, ironically, on social occasions I can easily limit myself, but when I'm alone I lose control. And I love to drink alone. So my pledge is to stop drinking entirely. I remember how great I felt as a kid, before I ever had my first drink. So much energy. So much imagination. If I could have even a fraction of that back again I would feel happy. I hate that I lose control. I hate the time I lose to recovering. I've tried cutting back. It just doesn't work for me. I've quit for months at a time, but when I've started drinking again thinking I could moderate it, I quickly got back to my old habits. I'm glad this is a place to share. Maybe with the support I'll succeed this time.
Thanks Josie. Once before, I quit just before Christmas. I really enjoyed the holiday--the lights were brighter, the joy was greater--and I managed almost a year of sobriety. Then I thought I could handle moderation, which worked for a while until the divorce I realized I needed got ugly and I started medicating with a glass or two of wine that then turned into more. I now know that I have to stop for good. I'm determined to do it.
Pinky, I sympathize with you and your struggle between the desire for privacy--totally natural and understandable--and the desire to seek outside support. I went to a few AA meetings one of the times that I quit drinking with the encouragement of my then husband. I lived in a big city then. People were welcoming and very supportive, but I felt out of place. My drinking problems were really small compared to what I was hearing from others. I stopped drinking with my husband's support and the support of our marriage counselor. So I did have support. Support and genuine understanding is essential. When I got sober (it lasted for almost a year), I realized I needed to end my marriage. My former husband then tried to sabotage my relationship with my children by making my personal struggles with alcohol a public matter. He said I was an admitted alcoholic. I shouldn't have custody of my children. His betrayal hurt more than words can express and affected me deeply. Now, six years later and trying to get sober again, I'm skittish about ANY public declarations. I have serious trust issues. That's why I'm here on this website. I live in a small town now. I don't want to do AA. I'm not going to be anonymous there. I don't want to talk to my friends or family. I know my perspective isn't a wise perspective, but there it is. It's a product of my life and experiences, and it's where I'm at. At least I'm here. Baby steps. I'm rooting for you!
Today, I'm celebrating one week alcohol free. I got through Christmas by having a small and intimate celebration--just my two grownup daughters and me--and no alcohol in the house. My older daughter drinks, but she seemed happy to abstain. It was nice to wake up on Christmas morning and Boxing Day with energy and a clear head. In fact, it was the best Christmas ever. I recognized a few triggers. One is anything having to do with my ex husband--anything at all. It's the lingering effects of our marriage. I self-medicated through a lot of it. We're still litigating stuff, so still in contact. The other is when my daughters get stirred up. I coped by eliminating all unnecessary stressors--a potentially stressful family outing and a new exercise class--and heading for someplace familiar, the gym. I'm also watching my diet and taking supplements to stay healthy.
Happy New Year, Snaphu. I just want to you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. It just gets so hard sometimes, doesn't it? Do something just for you today--even if it's just a little something. You deserve it. Hang in there!
Hi Keesu. Welcome back. You're definitely not alone. I've slipped a couple of times after long periods of sobriety. I thought I could handle an occasional drink, but it quickly escalated right back to where I was. Now I'm sober again, and it feels great. I'm determined to stay that way, and so far so good, but it's early days. Really glad you're here.
Welcome Fazbender. I'm a binge drinker too, so I know exactly what you mean. I'm at almost two weeks, and I feel great, but I know from past experience that if I drink at all it will quickly escalate out of control again. It's great to have support. Hang tight and keep posting.
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