As I write, I am just putting out my last cigarette. I have smoked for 19 years. I started smoking when I was 18 and severely depressed. I have smoked to help regulate my mood, to help me through all my bad times and now after much reflection and research have realized the cigarettes are to blame for much of my struggles. They have kept my anxiety and depression going, the constant need to satisfy my brains want for nicotine.
There, the last smoke is out, now I wait. I wait for my brain to ask for more and now I tell it no. No I don't need you Any more. It is ok, it is ok. Breathe, live your life and never give into my want for a cigarette again. Silly how simple it is, but how hard addiction is. I just went 2 days without a smoke, and caved today and had 6. I was already starting to feel better, but let the voice win. Not again though, now I am ready to tell it no. I am ready to live the rest of my life without another smoke. I am ready to see who I am without a cigarette in my hand. I am ready to drop the anxiety and depression that comes with smoking and learn to deal with myself and my life without the constant withdrawal fooling me that I need it to feel better.
