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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi TS,

You make some really good points and suggestions.

Desperate, if you look at your statement, there are a lot of "My", and "I"'s in there. One of the challenges we need to over-come when we have locked ourselves into a cycle of alcohol abuse is how we talk to ourselves. As you can see in that one line there is a tape recorder running that's feeding you a whole lot of misinformation that, when you sober up the following day, creates it's own level of anxiety that we just want to escape from. We're not thinking with a clear mind for the first few days because we need to process the alcohol from our body. I remember this well and your focus really needs to be, as TS says, not drinking today (or tomorrow...). There are all sorts of reasons for the "voice" in our head and a lot of has to do with how we have progressively programmed this self-image into our mind while other times there are good reasons for it and it's pretty normal. Unfortunately the normal part of it has gotten mixed up with the self-image part and the urge to drink so the messaging gets a little skewed. It's important to separate ourselves from the "voice" inside of head and shut it down when the suggestions to drink come up. It also leads to very assumptive, black and white thinking where we tend to prescribe a bleak opinion of how others see us that simply isn't true. Your husband is likely unhappy with the behaviour but the BEHAVIOUR isn't you. Your family may have seen your behaviour as embarrassing but they do not permanently find you embarrassing. They love you. Water off a ducks back. Believe me, people are way to busy to be obsessed with thinking about something that you did that didn't come off to well and I challenge anyone to stand up and profess to have never once done something to embarrass themselves. What do you say when they make a mistake? I can't imagine the verdict is a permanent indictment against their character. You want them to be free of worry, learn from the mistake, and move on. The challenge is showing ourselves the same courtesy and respect. You're on the right track Desparate. Keep moving forward.

All the best,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Desperate,

You said you didn't know where to start. Looks like you have started through self appraisal. "My husband hates me, I embarrassed my family, I feel so ashamed." You've clearly identified what's bothering you so now what do you think you need to do to address this problem? You've started to do that already as well by joining this sight. Spend some time and soak in the vast information here. Dissect yourself and decide what you feel you can do today to make your life better. Just concentrate on today.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

Hello Desperate

How are you feeling today ?

Kind thoughts and positive vibes are being sent your way.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

That's interesting Kingie. I did the same thing only with vodka. Got to the point where I thought I could drink any amount or any type of booze without physical consequence. Nope, after having several vodkas on top of my usual bottle of wine I paid dearly for two days as well. Thought I had done permanent damage to my stomach (no headache.) I did go back to my wine after that but started critically analyizing how I felt as I was drinking, writing it down (because I knew I would forget) and then appraising my feelings the following morning. It's clear what my conclusion was.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

I completly understand how u feel, I am a 30 year old female, and drinking is ruining my life. I constantly fight with my bf, I feel he has lost all respect for me

I know how hard it feels to feel all alone in this struggle

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 49

Hi Sadie.....I too was just like you...could drink and not have any side effects at all the next day......I tried something once and it has seemed to work because it made me sick and feeling like crap for two days....had that bottle of wine and then 2 shots of straight rum right after......haven't had a drink or the desire for a while, everytime I think about how I felt then, I don't want to go back there........wine was also my downfall so my husband starting getting me coolers, which I really don't like, so I don't drink at all or not as often and I always only have one......

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi Dave,

Yes, I have done the go one month without drinking and it does work for a while. I have to gear up to do this again. I am hoping that just keeping it to two 6oz glasses a night will help me slide into that again. My husband is going out of town on business at the end of the month. At that time, I am able to not drink because I don't allow myself to buy any and bring it into the house. Of course this means I have to stay at home to avoid the temptation. I live in a neighborhood where it is very socially accepted to get together and drink at any time. Now I have to work on getting out of that rut again. Thanks for the encouragement and the suggestion.

THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK

Saddie

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Sadie,

Have you tried taking a break for a month? I'm not quite sure one could classify moderating as having a few on the days in between benders. Just sayin'.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi Everyone, I keep meaning to get back here on a regular basis and haven't done it yet. I believe it was just about one year ago that I found this site. I joined the moderation gang discussion and did very well moderating my drinking for several months. Well, this summer it kind of went down the tubes and I have not been moderating. Occasionally I will stick to it for about 2 weeks and then an "occasion" arises and I drink too much again. As always, my drink of choice is wine. If I can make myself stick to two small glasses of wine I feel very successful. However...........over the holidays I drank an entire bottle of champagne by myself on three "occasions" and didn't feel any bad side effects at all. That is what scares me, that I can drink so much and still not feel bad. I do know that even though I don't feel it, that I must be very impaired and I have not driven at any of these times. Now, I am waiting for all the holiday hoop-la to get over and hope that I can start moderating again. I do know that keeping a record on the calendar is the best visual I can give myself. Yesterday we had a blizzard so that caused another "occasion" to overindulge. I need motivation to get me going! As usual in the spring I have a couple of races that I am training for and that seems to help. In order to run, I have found that I do better when I don't drink. The problem is that I don't feel bad if I do drink. So......... all help and advice is appreciated. Maybe I should do the one month of not drinking again before I start moderating. I just need to keep heading in that direction. Thanks for listening and reading.

THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK

Saddie

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 25

Hi Desperate! And ye all! You have most likely done a very good thing joining this site and let it out. My situation is pretty similar, though my husband doesnt hate me, only the fact that Ive hidden my drinking. And though I dont drink much or often, it is the hiding it that hurt my family. I has taken me long to admit it to myself, but this site gets it out of your system, and it is an important step to admit and talk to others. Stay strong! And keep in touch with the rest of us!

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